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Things that are really of no consequence, but cause you disproportionate levels of urinary steam.
I'll start:
Lattes (do you want milk in your coffee? This has always been possible, it's called a white coffee)
Men who carry change in purses/wallets when they have perfectly good pockets (it's just wrong)
Sitting in the office when there are lovely dusty dry trails out there just begging to be ridden.
Actually that's not petty, that's serious business.
People who think a latte and a white coffee are the same thing
Coffee snobs.
Being asked if I want my americano with milk.
The office juniors (one "boy", one girl) in the office nattering about their kids all morning, and not answering the phone. It's like loose women in here! 👿
Women (because let's face it, it is) who insist on packing all their shopping before rummaging in their bags to find their purse to find a card to pay.
1/ You stood in the queue already, why not find it then?
2/ Break off from packing to pay, it'll take a few seconds for the card to connect in which time you can do some more packing, then come back for the pin entry, then pack a bit more. The way you do it, it's dead time where you're waiting for the card reader with nothing else to do (except feel my eye-daggers).
3/ YOU'RE the ones who are supposed to be able to multi-task! Not me.
Its Friday. The suns out! I'm on an early finish! And theres a nice bakery down the road, where pastry based lunch beckons.
Nothing can irritate me at the moment!
I even remained calm last night while watching Louise Mensch on This Week. Thats zen-like for me! 😀
Edit: Though theotherjonv does have a very valid point. Why do women at checkouts actually look genuinelly suprised to be asked for a method of payment for the trolley full of shopping they've just put through. Like the thought had never occured to them before that exact point? And only then start rummaging in their now obligatory massive 'hand'bags, that contain god only knows what!
Kids not switching off lights/tv/anything they just used. 👿
[i]People who think a latte and a white coffee are the same thing [/i]
For the majority of people who order them, they are.
People who think the distinction between a latte and a white coffee is important 😉
People who leave massive gaps at traffic lights, those gaps mean people at the back don't get through on that green.
Receptionists who answer the phone before seeing to the person stood in front of them.
There were only two fig rolls left to have with my mid-morning cup of tea today.
People smoking around kids. I know it is none of my business but it just winds me up.
People who blame everyone but themselves. You have more influence over yourself than anything or anyone else, if you don't like your life do something about it.
Fat people who make fat kids. If you're fat, that's fine, your choice, but don't feed your kids the kind of crap food that means they too will be fat.
People that talk on their mobile phones on trains. The entire carriage is in silence but some braying peacock thinks the entire train needs to hear every wonderful detail of their life at a volume that even The Who would have considered excessive at their peak.
Friday's.
Hang on, we're straying into important things here like public health.
[i]There were only two fig rolls left to have with my mid-morning cup of tea today. [/i]
That's better.
The fog horn sitting behind me who likes the sound of her own voice too much.
[i]That's better. [/i]
*is pleased that I've passed the pettiness test*
Women (because let's face it, it is) who insist on packing all their shopping before rummaging in their bags to find their purse to find a card to pay
YES!
It's not just shopping. Massive queue for anything and they will invariably wait until the transaction is almost complete before getting their purse out instead of utilising the dead time in the queue TO ACTUALLY BE ****ING READY
People saying "can I get?" in shops/cafes
People that really should know the difference between square metres and metres squared but don't(most Quantity Surveyors IME)
The phrase "in terms of"
I could go on.....
I got a
'My Bad'
in Screwfix yesterday.
I think he heard my teeth grinding 'cos he didn't do it again.
People who sit right on my rear bumper through 30 / 40 mph limits (which I pretty much always stick to) then disappear as soon as we enter an NSL with corners, only to hurtle up behind me again at the next 30.
Although it doesn't really irritate me as such, it just amuses me. Maybe I'm quite hard to irritate.
Oh, and tights. And specifically the inventor of tights.
When their predecessor was so much more artistically pleasant, why did you have to **** it up for us?
The fact 'my mate' still hasn't paid me for the airport hotel / parking before we went skiing.
Being offered the afternoon off on a day when I'm desperately in need of rest and so can't think of something to do.
Oh, and people who get annoyed when I don't overtake cyclists until there's a good gap. That does irritate me a bit.
Driving to Woburn Sands for a lovely evening of riding on a warm, sunny spring day then splitting the sidewall of my rear type 1 mile in.
People who use the word literally incorrectly....and frequently.
Folk selling very well used bib shorts and such like on "bike parts for sale" facebook page for proper money
Beatboxing.
There was a beatboxing busker at the top of Whitehall yesterday. I'm sure beatboxing has a proud heritage of fighting off oppression and creating your own entertainment with no money in US ghettos, but when you've got hundreds of quids worth of amp, mike and backing equipment to make it sound more tolerable? Just **** off and buy a proper instrument, you eejit.
If I want to hear someone making farting and squeaking noises with their mouth who expects me to be impressed, I'll go and look after my toddler cousin.
People who continue their mobile phone conversations while in the office toilets. Just had this happen as I was contemplating in trap #1.
Bloke walks in to toilets:
"Yes, Mike says <blah>"
"I'm just popping into the toilets"
"<blah"
"No, it's OK, I'm using a headphone"
"You sure? OK, I'll call you back"
The other party was the one who wanted to terminate the call as soon as they heard matey was about to unload 🙂
More petty, when I cycle to the station and take my bike on the train, there are 3 spots, 1 of which is on it's own with less chance of scratches off other bikes, the premium spot if you will. If I get to the platform second or 3rd I will let the other bikes on first so they can take the premium spot if they wish, I would expect they do the same to me. But do they? No, of course not, they just get on and take the best spot and it winds me up.
People who use "random" incorrectly. That REALLY winds me up.
A cold. Or hayfever, I'm not sure which and the accompanying cough. It's irritating me. Probably also bloody annoying for the other people in the office.
People who are perfectly happy to drink really bad coffee, and who then complain about those that aren't 😐
Oh and the whiney voices that kids put on when they want something.
[i]People saying "can I get?" in shops/cafes [/i]
Oooh, this.
People who use the word 'like' when describing a conversation:
"He was like 'Shall we go to the pub?' and I was like 'yeah, great idea'"
So no-one said anything? You both communicated 'like' that? How did you do it; mime, charades, interpretive dance?
[i]The fact 'my mate' still hasn't paid me for the airport hotel / parking before we went skiing.[/i]
The expectations I have of 'my mate' were managed many, many years ago...
People irritated by other people who don't have holes in their pockets because they carry a wallet.
People who complain about your organisation on line (Twitter) but don't bother to call you when you tweet them back with your number. Shytehawks.
Pedestrians who whilst crossing on a redman, will jump out of the way of cars but saunter on like they're soo cool when it's a bike coming! Yes, you the baldy ****t in the suede coat this morning on North Bridge who got a bit of fright when I shouted at you 👿 You saw me coming 😆
I can honestly say that other than my kids relentless mischief and mayhem, the only things in life that I'm irritated by are my own shortcomings (although I'm aware that the two are related)
And arrogance, arrogance is pretty offensive
People who think that loose coins cause holes in pockets, despite the evidence of many people carrying coins in hole-free pockets.
"yeah, no" as a conversation filler. I do it, and it annoys me. it's a tick like "err" "so" etc etc. I wish I could just stop doing it.
Coffee snobs
My broken bike, the trails... 'nuff said
the fact that the weekend weather's looking less great than the whole week.
Women (because let's face it, it is) who insist on packing all their shopping before rummaging in their bags to find their purse to find a card to pay.
also the complete opposite...
those who don't pack anything at all (especially in smaller shops with single packing area at the till) until everything has been scanned, and then paid for.
and then the checkout girl scans and stacks all my stuff together, where I can't pack it either, or stick it back inthe basket, so making it look like I'm the one holding up the next person.
we really need some self serve tills here. but then I always buy a beer or something on purpose at those to make the girl come over to auth the 18+ thing. and hold up the next person.
today's minor gripe - cherry scones, with hardly any cherries in them. If I wanted a plain scone with a wee bit of cherry on top, I'd buy them. It really screwed up my 11 am coffee break.
Driving, right, oh there are so many, but the one that gets me every single sodding time:
You're following this dope out of a side road, around a couple of roundabouts - no sign whatsoever of any indicator to tell you where they're going. Must have a broken indicator, yeah? Or a disabled little finger..?
But, you then follow them down a slip road onto an empty motorway.. they get on the slip road ON COMES THE RIGHT INDICATOR! So many of these f-heads.
I'm stood y the luggage belt, it's 830pm and I just want to go home....