I find the idea of somebody "being in control" as he or she administers a smack (or whatever we want to call it) to a child slightly sinister. I could forgive somebody doing it because he or she lost his or her temper and thus self-control, but doing it in a calm and controlled manner? Hmmm...no likey the sound of that.
I agree entirely. I remember seeing a mum grab her 6 year old who had run into the road and smack him on the back of his legs. She did it in absolute fear, panic, anger and a momentary loss of self control. As I've previously said, I'd never condone the hitting of a child but I do, in some circumstances, understand why it happens. This being one of those moments. Smacking a child methodically and in a cool, controlled manner is far more disturbing.
Both of my children have been through a 'hitting stage' and during that, both of my children have each received a single smack from me, followed by a discussion of how it made them feel and why they shouldn't hit people, because it makes other people feel like that too.
Beyond that, I see no value to it. All it teaches them is fear of consequence, not what they should or shouldn't do.
Parenting by the 'be-good-or-I-will-hurt-you' book doesn't seem very useful to me. Although like many on here, I took a few smacks as a lad, it taught me little about my original offence other than to be more careful not to get caught next time.
"Fear of consequence" - that adds an interesting side dish to the debate. If you could measure the comparative values, would you rather your child never ran into the road because he/she got a slap on the legs as a youngster when they once looked likely to, or rather they never ran into the road because they once did and got knocked down by a (hopefully) slow moving and attentive driver?
So again. Its LEGAL, recognised by law as allowed within certain parameters.
The laws an ass?
When I was at infant school in the 1970s, the head teacher (appropriately named Mrs Batterson!) would call out in assembly anyone who had misbehaved and smack them hard in front of the whole school. I also remember my class teacher repeatedly shouting and shaking a girl (aged 4) who was crying on her first day. I was terrified of the head and other teachers, and and I went through a phase of refusing to speak to the teachers. Consequently I was described by the head as a "difficult child"!
At secondary school there was a cane, and it was always the same few kids who got it, so it didn't convince me that it was a deterrent.
Vickypea I put through a window, set off a fire alarm and set off a fire extinguisher.
The Head welcomed me in (nicely), showed me his extensive collection of canes. I remember the cabinet on the wall was beautifully made. He asked me to chose.
I chose the thinnest.
I was never naughty again.
The kids that were repeat offenders at our school were abit thick (parent alcoholism?) And in the C band classes.
Hora - I do see your point, but there may have been alternative forms of discipline that would have been just as effective for you that didn't involve the cane.
did we get any further with the discussion about smoking children..?
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Tazer?
I do my best to ignore my son if he's playing up. He can't abide being ignored!
Hora, lots of people were caned, didn't seem to stop misbehsviour though did it?
Hora, I was beaten as a child - corporal punishment with a wooden spatula..
I think it left me as a quite cowardly adolescent and adult, with a sometimes overwhelming amount to prove to myself..
I guess a positive was that this led to some incredibly interesting lifestyle choices and caused me to explore avenues in life that most folk would find very intimidating.. but this was always so very nearly on the edge of going catastrophically wrong, and often did!
Like you, I also found it hard to comprehend that there were other paths and answers in the world outside of my own experience.. 😉
It's also left me with a bit of a short temper though, which has regrettably led to a few isolated incidences of smacking my own kids, when it was clear that more constructive methods would have been preferable..
It has it's place when all other avenues have been exhausted.
or in such instances as when a very small child decides to put their fingers in plug sockets.
Explaining to them that if they do that, the electric will kill them, doesn't work at that age, so a small smack on the hands soon gets the point across.
