So, my eldest's school have announced a 2022 trip to Japan for 10 days, with 20 spaces. Mrs K wants him to go, but I'm very nervous. He'll be 13 and honestly I'm quite scared of him being away in Asia / on planes etc away from us, despite the fact I know he'll be with teaching staff.
Mrs K is not happy I feel this way, as we'd have to make the first deposit by next Wednesday and she thought it was already a done deal.
Am I being overly paranoid and protective, or watched too many Taken movies ?
Am I being overly paranoid and protective
Yes
Yup.
What difference would it make it you were on the planes with him?
(Oh yeah wait.... It would be BORING!)
Let him go, he'll probably have an amazing time.
My guess is that you're just jealous!
If I have a shave and walk around on my knees, do you reckon they'll let me go?
That sounds amazing! I wish my school did trips like that when I was a lad 🙂
Am I being overly paranoid and protective, or watched too many Taken movies ?
But if you have a particular set of skills, this won't be an issue 😉
This is your anxiety talking, have you discussed it with your wife?
Let him go I say.
My mum burst into tears about my 4 week trip to South America...I was 38...her anxiety about me drove quite a wedge between us.
Firstly, it’s ok to feel how you do. You can’t help the initial reaction you’re having.
Secondly, find a way to get past that feeling and if you can afford it, let him go.
If your son wants to go let him. He will never forget it.
I took my lad when he was 14 to India, hosteling. It blew his mind in a good way!
Yes, I know he was with me but I knew how emotionally difficult some aspects of India could be and he handled them well. He brings up that adventure and others* in job interviews etc to break the ice a little.
*Getting held up at gunpoint in Peru. Japan is a very different place though!😁
Your just being a normal parent being concerned. If they want to go, I'd encourage them. (I'd also encourage them to fundraise to pay for it!)
For comparison, eldest did his first foreign school trip at 11 to France. Youngest did her first foreign trip at 12 when she attend the World Gymnaestrada event in Austria with her gymnastics club. Yes I was a bit worried, but I didn't stop them going, the adults with them will have it risk assessed to death.
Both have been having nights away from family in the UK since the age of 5-6 with Rainbows and Beavers, then Brownies and Guides, Cubs and Scouts. Eldest did the World Scout Jamboree in 2019, 3 weeks in America and Canada at 16 years of age. I'll admit I still worried about him, but trusted him, his patrol and the leaders. Between Scouts, DofE and music tours he was away from home 50 nights that year.
Given what's happened to international opportunities this last year, I'd be encouraging anyone who can let kids go abroad to do so - you never know when those chances might be lost again. And experiences like this totally change kids in terms of outlook and maturity.
Japan is ace!
Maybe Singletrack could charter a jet for all us Nippon fans?
My eldest went on a trip to Pompey with an older class when he was 11. He was so inspired, he went on to read archaeology and ancient history at university.
I wouldn’t dismiss your anxiety as if you’re being ‘stupid’, because I don’t think you are. At the same time, I think it is incumbent on us parents not to decide things for our offspring based on anxiety. My in-laws did with my wife when she was young, and it is the single greatest cause of hurt and friction between the today.
When I was at school I had the opportunity to go on a rugby tour to South Africa. My Mum didn’t want me to go but my Dad said I could. It was one of the best experiences of my life and gave me the travel bug.
This in turn has opened up wonderful opportunities ever since.
Just realised who the OP is, so understand the additional worry, which is fair enough.
Btw, you are not "sending your kid abroad". You are "giving him a fantastic opportunity"
Japan is mega safe, so wouldn't worry about that really, even tokyo. It's such an absolutely amazing place as well, I imagine he'd get loads out of it. Lots of tokyo is absolutely ace for that sort of age I reckon.
Covid stole my third trip there 🙁
Normal feelings, recognise them as such then let him go. The bigger issue for most would be the cost so if you're able to, then let him go, it'll probably be life-changing for him (in a good way!).
{Btw, you are not “sending your kid abroad”. You are “giving him a fantastic opportunity}
Very much this +1 - I'd assumed this was something along the lines of Uni in a different country etc as opposed to a school trip. It'll be a fantastic opportunity to see somewhere completely different in a safe way.
Jeez...when I was 13 our school trip was to Dan-yr-Ogof caves, half an hour away
Sounds like a potentially amazing experience for your son. I understand your anxiety, but as harsh as it sounds that’s yours to cope with and shouldn’t impact him. If you can afford for him to go on the trip then go for it.
I'd feel the same. My lad is 12 and I'd be very nervous about him going on a trip like that. Although I never went on a school trip, apart from a one night stay at a youth hostel about 2 miles away from home when I was 10.
I'd love my kids to go on good trips if we can afford them, but I'd be worried sick u til they got back!
Japan is super safe and the people kind and helpful to tourists, in my experience.
Get him to learn a bit of tourist Japanese before he goes. It's not that hard a language at a "where are the toilets please" level, no tones, no p***ing about with gender and tense etc, and learning the phonetic writing is useful.
He's probably safer going on a school trip there than on a weekend in Brussels ...
I took school exchanges to Germany five times, ages 12 to 18. I felt 12 was too young but the 13-year-olds were fine. They were really into it and full of fun. Very few issues with the younger ones but some of the 17-18 olds were into the things 17-18 year olds are often into.
Junior did an exchange with Germany at 13 and thoroughly enjoyed it. His SO is German and he's planning on living in Berlin. Do you like Japan? Taking it step further one of Madame's colleagues is married to her school exchange.
Both our girls went to China when in Year 6, so 10/11. It was hard, but they wanted to go and we trusted the school staff they went with.They had great times and it definitely helped shape their characters. Go for it.
Maybe just warn him off the weird kinky tentacle porn ahah!
When my lad was 13 (he is now 30) we sent him to the US on his own. I had been in the army for all his life at that stage so he was well used to travelling. A mate of mine whose son was good mates with my lad, was on an exchange posting in Charlottesville and had invited him over for a chunk of the summer break.
He flew with British Airways as an unaccompanied minor. A rep met us at the airport when we dropped him off and escorted him through security etc. The stewards on the aircraft made a massive fuss of him which he loved. At the other end he was chaperoned again until my mate collected him.
We asked him if he wanted to go alone and were absolutely fine if he didn't. He didn't hesitate and enjoyed the adventure and had the time of his life. He later went on a school rugby trip to South Africa and Namibia at 14 and a youth voluntary work trip to India when he was 16.
Chances like this don't come around too often. It does wonders for confidence and life experience. Obviously everyone is different and maybe not all kids would be up to it, but if they willing to give it a go I would say yes. They'll thank you when they are older and realise what a wonderful opportunity it was.
Obviously everyone is different and maybe not all kids would be up to it, but if they willing to give it a go I would say yes
This is what worries me, he’s not the most streetwise, I can’t imagine him lost in a foreign city, and of course are anxious of his ability to manage an approach by a wayward adult. These are of course my worries not his, he wants to go.
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Japan is a amazing place to visit so different to our culture and yet very friendly and safe. I love visiting there and if my son had the opportunity at 13 I would have sent him. Probably safer than a trip up to London
Getting held up at gunpoint in Peru. Japan is a very different place though!
Swords are the weapon of choice for Japan, aren't they?
I say let him go as hard as it personally might be...school trips offer the potential for the best memories. My son went on a school trip to Uganda a couple of years ago...he bloody loved it and often brings it up. The croc lunging towards him whilst he was sat in a river boat is a particular enduring memory 😄
10 days in Japan will probably be the safest 10 days of his entire life. I struggle to even find graffiti in Tokyo.
My eldest went on a trip to Pompey with an older class when he was 11
Ahhh, the centre of the cultural universe.
Am I being overly paranoid and protective
Of course you’re being paranoid and protective, you’re his dad! I think it’s normal to be worried, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let him go, just means you should think about it. Which you are.
I think let him go. Just have a chat before about what to do if he gets lost or feels unsafe. FWIW google maps works fine in Japan, practice some map reading/navigating with him? Got a year or so to get some confidence up (for him and you).
My BiL organises trips abroad, but the other way round. He takes Japanese kids to the UK and US. Their parents should probably be more worried...
When I was a kid, we had a week in Germany, that took days each way on a coach. It was shite. On that basis I’d say don’t let him go.
Lols this reminded me of my first holiday with mates - we took a Harry Shaw coach to St Tropez - have you any ******g idea how long it takes to get to St Tropez on a coach!? 😀
Let him go, schools hardly ever lose a child on a field trip.
Seriously, he'll love the experience and it will be a trip he'll never forget. I was in Sapporo for 10 days, and my lasting impression is how friendly the locals were.
My 9 year old left on his first school overseas trip this morning for two nights (just to a nearby island). I was super excited for him.
My 7 year old gets to do the same in September.
It's a great opportunity and i'm glad they start young. Both of them have been doing long car trips since they were 1 year old and consequently are great little travellers.
However, I wouldn't personally put my money anywhere near international travel for a fair few months yet.
Let him go. As everyone says, planes/airport are about the most supervised place you could stick a kid and Japan is a close second. The world has some bad stuff in it, but it's generally not as scary a place as its made out to be. And in 98% of cases, if there is nasty stuff, it's not some random guy on the street. I know it's really hard, but try not to let your kid see how nervous you are as they absorb that. He'll be 13. I assure you that you likely have more to worry about when he's kicking around with his mates than when on a chaperoned trip to Japan.
I can say that confidently as my son is 4 and can go nowhere without me.
Bear in mind its probably not the schools first rodeo.
Its Japan man, christ I'm a bit excited for him. This is going to sound really harsh i am not trying to be a dick but if he wants to go, his mum wants him to go one day he's going to twig that you held him back.
This is what worries me, he’s not the most streetwise, I can’t imagine him lost in a foreign city, and of course are anxious of his ability to manage an approach by a wayward adult.
If there’s one city in the world I would choose to be lost in without speaking the language it’s probably somewhere in Japan. Provided he knows where he’s staying (i would imagine the school will pretty much tattoo it onto him), he will get back there. The Japanese are the most helpful people I’ve ever met when lost.
What would he do if lost in a UK city? Exactly the same in Japan but with lots of hand signals and bowing. His phone will work out there too, there’s WiFi everywhere or suck it up for the roaming at £5/day.
The world has some bad stuff in it, but it’s generally not as scary a place as its made out to be. And in 98% of cases, if there is nasty stuff, it’s not some random guy on the street
Statistically, far safer than a week at his Grandparents/Aunt&Uncle/at home.
I get the anxiety but part of parenting is feeling that and doing it anyway.
But don't send anyone to Pompey. No-one deserves that.
Am I being overly paranoid and protective, or watched too many Taken movies ?
You are being a bit overprotective. Japan is probably the safest country in the world. The worst thing that is likely to happen is that he won't like the food. I've visited quite a few Asian countries and would be much more worried wandering around drunk in a random British city than a random Asian city.
Look on the benefit side, not just the risk or concerns you have.
He's going to have a learning event like no other. He's going to learn to get on with others. He's going to develop some of that streetwise attitude. He's going to learn about a totally different culture and place. He's going to have to manage his own suitcase, clothes, timetable etc etc.
Huge learning, potentially life changing.
He’s going to develop some of that streetwise attitude.
Not in Japan he won't.
https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/japan
More than anything, I'd be looking at where things are at regarding Covid over there in a year's time, right now they have an exclusion list which unsurprisingly includes the UK.
[Footnote: I’d never even heard of Pompey until this thread. Now I have. Sorry, but I meant Pompeii. Then again, you all knew that.]
As you were.
