[Closed] "Ringfencing the unicorn"

Nice. Next time see if you can get monkey and spanking past him.

Or W@nking off a dead dog...

Or W@nking off a dead dog...

We've all done it...

Or "put this one to bed", whilst pointing at the person in the room most likely to be a virgin.

Edit: Unless that's yourself.

I was in a meeting all day when various people kept talking about a disconnect of some of our systems. I assumed this to be a technical issue. But it then transpired that we people in the field, are in disconnect with the office. So I now think it actually means that we are just in a huff with each other. Which is right. We are. Because they keep talking to us in code.

Because they keep talking to us in code.

They'll be looking for more granularity next

Yes, we'll do that. Moving forward.

You need to cascade this phrase to the rest of stw.

But it then transpired that we people in the field, are in disconnect with the office.

Wow. Verbing nouns is commonplace, but I think that's the first time I've seen someone noun a verb.

Verbing weirds words

My favourite real life one was when i was once asked if I could "take care of the situation from soup to nuts"

The question and the company had nothing to do with catering.

BBSB, you're welcome 🙂

so, what does ringfencing the unicorn mean?

talking boll0x about something which doesn't exist is always the way forward in meetings.

Kev

@brakes - i think it means helicoptering out of the quicksand to enable a holistic paradigm shift and thereby access the low hanging fruit. Though I'm just running that up the flagpole to see who salutes.

Ringfencing
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ringfencing or Ring-fencing occurs when a portion of a company's assets or profits are financially separated without necessarily being operated as a separate entity. This might be for:
regulatory reasons,
creating asset protection schemes with respect to financing arrangements, or
segrating into separate income streams for taxation purposes.

and a unicorn is obviously a mythical creature...

😕

Kev

We've all done it...

"keep f*cking that chicken"

talking boll0x about something which doesn't exist is always the way forward in meetings.

Kev

These people need throwing under [b]A[/b] bus not [b]the[/b] bus but an actual bus.

Save the UK some money.

@brakes - i think it means helicoptering out of the quicksand to enable a holistic paradigm shift and thereby access the low hanging fruit. Though I'm just running that up the flagpole to see who salutes

are you sure? i was thinking more about empowering the synergies to ensure we're all singing from the same hymnsheet whilst moving forward collectively as a group. That said, taking it off-line, it is hard to argue with a contextual paradigm shift.

So, ringfencing the unicorn is a tax break then? Those Tories will stop at nothing to get one over on us!

Just because it's worth posting again. I didn't even make it up:

"Firstly, we have signed a transformational outsourcing deal with xxxx which will deliver an increase to our cost synergies from the £112m per annum in 2013, which we will still hit on time, to £143m per annum by 2015. This deal de-risks the embedded value, contractualises the delivery of the cost synergies, and it de-risks the execution of our plans, allowing us to focus on the other opportunities we have as a business."

is that real? wtf does it even mean?!

It is absolutely real, from an all company email from the head honcho.

I have absolutely no idea.

It means: "the company has a signed a ***-off big deal with a service partner that will increase savings from the original forecast of £112m pa to £143m pa over the course of 2013 to 2015. The contract puts the onus on the service partner to deliver these savings, so if they arent delivered its their fault, not ours. And in doing so it affirms the increase in value of the company following the merger and means we can concentrate on doing more shit."

I take it some poor bugger must have the sole job of deciphering that crap!

Glide path
Sleeping policeman on the road to progress
mind manuring
preparedness benchmarks
Thought shower
Rotational amnesia
Mood music
Enabling design levers
Institutionalized ad-hocery
Hanging the flesh on the bones
Platform-centric stovepipe
Architectural decoupling

My mate curates a new list every year for our conference and these are all legit and I don't know what most of them mean.

[i]Platform-centric stovepipe[/i] love it 😆

Platform-centric stovepipe

HETAS installer standing on a pallet.

Firstly, we have signed a transformational outsourcing deal with xxxx which will deliver an increase to our cost synergies from the £112m per annum in 2013, which we will still hit on time, to £143m per annum by 2015. This deal de-risks the embedded value, contractualises the delivery of the cost synergies, and it de-risks the execution of our plans, allowing us to focus on the other opportunities we have as a business

That makes no sense whatsoever!

Its an attempt by someone with a feeble mind to try & sound clever. Shocking.

Probably a fan of The Apprentice I think..

Institutionalized ad-hocery

This means someone is a habitual bull-sh1tter.

Stoner - Member
It means: "the company has a signed a ***-off big deal with a service partner that will increase savings from the original forecast of £112m pa to £143m pa over the course of 2013 to 2015. The contract puts the onus on the service partner to deliver these savings, so if they arent delivered its their fault, not ours. And in doing so it affirms the increase in value of the company following the merger and means we can concentrate on doing more shit."

Well, of course it does. I'm not stupid 🙂

and we can fire IHN for being a smartarse too

😉

Platform-centric

[img] http://static.wix.com/media/d4b33bedc4d2667bf0b68a2fb1241768.wix_mp [/img]

Can someone translate this for me please?? From the Team Torq website...

TORQ’s Performance Mountain Bike Team is a heavily sponsored professional outfit and the objective is simple. To unite some of the countries most accomplished Mountain Bike racers into a team with unrivalled strength in depth and to set an example to everyone involved in the sport that high-end performances are achieved in symbiosis with generosity of spirit, courtesy and integrity.

Thanks

DrP

high-end performances are achieved in symbiosis with generosity of spirit, courtesy and integrity.

= "More tea vicar, FTW!"

^ no need; it's

simple

they shout "RIDEERRRRRRRRRRR" during races to force lesser mortals out of their way?

I didn't say that out loud did I?

Sounds like an 'Engrish' translation of some Chinese TV remote or something!

Along the lines of...
"This remote has generosity of spirit for the channel changing integrity...."

DrP

"If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."

My favourite real life one was when i was once asked if I could "take care of the situation from soup to nuts"

I have to write a report thingy about my placement, I'm going to have to get ringfence the unicorn in it, aren't I?

Institutionalized ad-hocery

That's "making shit up as we go along", isn't it. Also, very meta.

Rotational amnesia

I have no idea what this means, but I love it. We forget to turn round? Set in our ways, can't change direction maybe?