[Closed] Providing a Stool Sample - Serious Question

You do need to fill the whole vial, best use your thumb to stuff it in.

A mate had to do this when he had worms.

He screwed up the jar, and was then concerned that the worms would suffocate and die, so he punched air holes in the lid.

What a nutter. 😆 I don't think the reception staff were too happy when he took it in...

You do need to fill the whole vial, best use your thumb to stuff it in.

And use a butter knife to level it off, or it'll squidge out of the lid if it's overfilled.

Just dig out a small sample and place in the vial with the stick

Depends what for...

Now if it is a 5 day faecal fat collection....

What I'd do is ring the surgery at 0830 tomorrow morning and ask them for a precise weight of stool needed... 😉

Serious answer - it doesn't seem to matter much, A quarter the container is plenty for most tests.

😯 Only on STW!

My question is..

How do you collect it? hand down the toilet or something?

as above, just a little bit with the spoony thing. Full log not required.

Only on STW

He's aking a 'serious' question about [i]po[/i]o though! On here!! 😀

I mean, come on, it's too good an opportunity to miss really, in't it?

How do you collect it? hand down the toilet or something?

Into a bowl, innit?

Unless you're a very accurate crimper with equally good aim...

[i]Elfinsafety - Member
He's aking a 'serious' question about poo though! On here!! [/i]

Bike forum perhaps ?

Use picolax.

And a bucket.....

Use picolax.

and a backstop.

Reminds me of that old Police hit "messing in a bottle"

I'm sure they are sick to death of shit filled vials, so why not do something more interesting, something like a Mr Whippy ice cream? You could even decorate it wih 100s and 1000s or a flake, couldn't you? Or draw a shamrock in it like those funny chappies and chapessessessess do in the local Irish bars on the Guinness. That would surely raise a smile, after all it can't be much fun poking and prodding other people's poo, unless you're G***ge M*chael. 😯

If youre embaraseed just ask a freind for a spare log, or twig.

or if it a pooh it yourself jobbie,plenty of luriacnt, best to avoid anything you may use on the bike as they smell terrible, insert tube i bum and SLOWLY PRES BACK, youll find the litle tube fully filled,dont pass wind during the process, or you will shoot the tube through the wall.

note, remember to remove top of canister before insertion.

And use a butter knife to level it off,[b] or it'll squidge out of the lid if it's overfilled[/b].

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! I had thought this thread was being quite [s]tasteful[/s] diplomatic until that!

😀

Gift wrap it ?

[img] [/img]

or if it a pooh it yourself jobbie,plenty of luriacnt, best to avoid anything you may use on the bike as they smell terrible, insert tube i bum and SLOWLY PRES BACK, youll find the litle tube fully filled,dont pass wind during the process, or you will shoot the tube through the wall.

😯

Erm, riiiight, ok....

Don't over do it.

[img] [/img]

What you need is a lay and display shelved WC - German style.

dont pass wind during the process, or you will shoot the tube through the wall.

Great. Now I have to clean coffee out of the keyboard.

Why does it look like she's just given herself a dirty sanchez?

And try to collect the sample somewhere easy to clean up if there is any spillage, otherwise you might have problems.

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

Although it could end up providing the excuse you need to redecorate:

[img] [/img]

And try to be a bit more directed than this -

😆

That made me laugh so much I almost 'went' myself!

My life has bin enhanced by seeing that, thank you deluded. 😀

Ah, so much amusement from something so basic and simple.

Important that you grade it before handing to reception 😉

[img] [/img]

This would also be a really bad time for that invisible poo that you sometimes do. You know the one.

You remember straining a bit and feeling it come out, there's a distinct smell of poo in the bathroom but you look in the toiler, AND THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!!!

Elf - glad you liked that 😀

It's how Fred (played by Jason Sudeikis) raises his eyebrow and nods his head that makes me laugh.

[i]lateo - Member
Important that you grade it before handing to reception [/i]

Will do but I am a regular 3 or 4

You could have some fun and confuse them with one of these
http://www.turdtwister.com/

As with any device read the manual 🙂

Good luck with Type 7 or Guinness Poo

put cat poo init.

Im sure youll manage to do it ploperly, and wipe the smile of thier faeces,

KING.

OF.

THREADS.

😀

Into a bowl, innit?

Remind me not to eat Corn Flakes at your place.

Plastic bag, FTW.

Not sure I should get involved in this but here goes.

Flatmate of mine was a Health Inspector in Wellington. When you have a notifiable disease you leave a stool sample in your letterbox (everyone has a letterbox in NZ) and somebody comes around to collect it.

All newbie Health Inspectors got this patrol for the first few months, Regional Chief Pooh Collector. That must look good on your passport !

[img] [/img]

Thanks deluded - you've just brightened my day substantially! 😀

Into a condom then freeze it?

[i]Into a condom[/i]

it's going to be tricky to explain why your poo is full of spermicide though...

Just... logged in.

Is it wrong to be proud of achieving all seven poo types on the Bristol chart? (not at the same sitting tho')

it's going to be tricky to explain why your poo is full of spermicide though...

Isn't everyone's ??