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The post here - http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/whos-got-the-most-muticultural-neighbours/page/3#post-8261252 - reminded me, a friend of mine once wrote a bunch of new verses to this song (which irritatingly I can't immediately find again now).
In number 69 there lives a transvestite
He's a man by day, but he's a woman at night
There's a man in number 4 who swears he's Saddam Hussein
Says he's on a chore to start the third world war[Chorus 1]
Oh, if you find the time, please come and stay a while
In my beautiful neighbourhood[Verse 2]
In 110 they haven't paid the rent
So there goes the TV with the repo men
In 999 they make a living from crime
The house is always empty cuz they're all doing time[Chorus 2]
Oh, if you find the time, please come and stay a while
In my beautiful neighbourhood
My neighbourhood, my, my, my beautiful neighbourhood
My neighbourhood, my, my, my beautiful neighbourhood[Verse 3]
In number 18 there lives a big butch queen
He's bigger than Tyson and he's twice as mean
In 666 there lives a Mr Miller
He's our local vicar and a serial killer[Chorus 2]
[Hook]
[Verse 4]
Oh they want to knock us down, cuz they think we're scum
But we will all be waiting when the bulldozers come
In a neighbourhood like this you know it's hard to survive
So you better come prepared cuz they won't take us alive
My contribution was:
At number 35 there lives Miss Whiplash,
She'll cause you pain if you've, got the cash.
I thought you lot might be able to do better. What've you got?
At number 53 lives Nigel Farage.
There are 26 Poles living in his garage
There's a bloke in our street whose name is Binners.
He loves to colour in and has pie for his dinners.
At number 84 lives jambalaya
He's a little right wing, and loves Mrs May-ah!
At number 1600 there a bloke called Trump.
He's got bad hair and looks like a .....
We report our weight to the Other Jon V
but it has to be in pounds and not in KG
At number 2, there lives a poo.
Jamie.
Age 37.
..that poo had a logburner, too.
Rich
39 today.
At number 39 is a bear named Rich,
I'd wish him happy birthday but I'm being a bitch.
I believe cougar
Edi: foolish face, you meant you couldn't find the new lyrics your friend wrote didn't you?
A number 69 there's a Poledancing Chav, that'll show you a good time..
At 34 there's a man with a bike, i never see him ride it just rant rave and type all night.
La dame à droite est une frontiste confirmée
à ses heures perdues elle bosse pour le Stasi
Les deux en face se fichent de la planète
la poubelle une mélange de légumes et canettes
La fille qui me salue de la main en passant
Elle à vraiment du cul, un chien et deux mamans.
Plus loins est une dame qui à du mal à sourire
Son homme est mort, elle vit pour souffrir
L'ami de Porto passe ses jours dans son jardin
il siffle et il chante dans une dérivée de latin
Le jeune couple à gauche vient de faire un bébé
encore plus à faire dans une vie déjà chargée
Let's let Google Translate loose on that...
The lady on the right is a confirmed frontist
In her lost hours she bump for the StasiThe two opposite do not care about the planet
The trash a mixture of vegetables and cansThe girl who greets me by the way
She has really ass, a dog and two moms.Farther is a lady who struggles to smile
Her man is dead, she lives to sufferThe friend of Porto spends his days in his garden
He whistles and sings in a derivative of LatinThe young couple on the left just made a baby
Even more to do in a busy life
Made more sense in the original Flemish I'd say...
I do on occasion take a strange pleasure in sending my colleagues in the Nederlands double Dutch, which is to say i Google translate English to Dutch, to another and then back into Dutch. They don't get the joke.
In the mill by the canal live the Singletrack crew,
They cut the yearly number of issues by two.....
🙂
Not bad, Jamie, but before I get banned "really ass" should read "luck" !
At number 99 there lives an ice-cream man
He sells cornets, Fabs and Rockets from the back of his van.
Farther is a lady who struggles to smile
Her man is dead, she lives to suffer
That's like some sort of odd existential poetry.
Fin.
At number 52 there's a machine-gun maker
Which is odd because he says that he's a pacifist Quaker
Along the road lives tandem jeremy
Don't mention the safety aspects of helmets or he'll make you his enemy...
Cougar - Moderator
That's like some sort of odd existential poetry.
It's from Les Fleurs du troll, by Baldylaire.
Up number 19 is Cougar the moderator man
If you call him a *ing wipe he'll hit you with a ban
The political threads need Moderators
cos' they're populated with mass debaters.
IHN - Member
Up number 19 is Cougar the moderator man
If you call him a *ing wipe he'll hit you with a ban
He lives in a house made of Accrington brick
Inside are games consoles
Outside is pigeon shit..
For techy IT problems he's the man that we turn to
He got married only cos MrsCougar told him he had to
He got married only cos MrsCougar told him he had to
Surely she wasn't Mrs cougar till after they married?Unless you mean his mother and in honesty I'd personally shy away from calling someone's mother a cougar.
The political threads need Moderators
cos' they're populated with mass debaters.
😀
At number 7 is rapper MC Skates
Talented lyricist, he serves rhymes on tap.
At number 11 there lives a mountain biker and he's got an obsession with making his ride lighter.
At number six lives a well hung hairy man who drives a nissan Micra, it's a nice treat when he's off biking cos you see everything through his lycra 😯
At number eight lives Simon who captains an oil tanker, hope his sailing's better cos he drives like an idiot. 🙄
Rusty Spanner - MemberIn the mill by the canal live the Singletrack crew,
Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goo.
God [i]damn[/i] it brain, why?
GEniusHe lives in a house made of Accrington brick
Inside are games consoles
Outside is pigeon shit..
At number six lives a well hung hairy man who drives a nissan Micra, it's a nice treat when he's off biking cos you see everything through his lycraAt number eight lives Simon who captains an oil tanker, hope his sailing's better cos he drives like an idiot.
😀
At number 9 is a Captain Flashy, he thinks he is posh but his shoes are so trashy.
There's a bloke called Essel who works as a screw,
but he's now part time,
Bet you wish you were too.
Better to go part time
That feel forced to quit
We knew of your job
You never shut up about it
🙂
There's a man in number four
He told me's Greek
I hope he's alright
I haven't seen him for a week
There's a lass in number eight
Who said she's called Kate
But I struggle to fathom her tales
Cos of her accent; she's from Wales
And I live in number six
My names is Molgrips.....
In my multicultural neighbourhood
FML
The evens from 90 have been left to fester,
they're owned by a foreign property investor.
One previous occupier was a chap named Mike,
who was arrested for getting physical with nextdoor's bike.
Where 101 stood is now a hole in the ground,
disconnected pipes issue omnious sounds,
due to be developed into executive flats
it all fell apart because the builders were tw*ts.