Standing always. Sitting down - no way jose.
This forum has taken a decidedly scatalogical turn recently.
Going to start an "I crap in my hands then clap them above my head" thread to see which weirds it smokes out.
but if you’re a grownup and wipe standing, it’s a major pain to extract paper whilst bent double
Honestly, is this a thing? Have I been doing it wrong for 44 years?
It is not often I am properly shocked, but the idea of grown ups standing up to wipe their arse has completely skewered me. WTAF?
If you are sitting down how do you get your hand in? its just wrong on so many levels
By leaning upper torso forward, which then provides the perfect amount of splay.
How do you achieve that in a standing position, my ample buttocks are closed when standing (unless as per above, in some weird "how far apart do your feet need to be?" stance)
edit:also asking for a friend 😉
Before wiping is complete?
How would you know in the dark?
Questions you've always wanted to ask a blind person but can't....
My buns of steel* are clenched and pert when standing, how the hell do you manage to wipe without adopting a power stance of great power?
Well isn't this apposite (always wanted to use that word).
A week or two back I done myself a slight back injury. A strain down the left side of my lower back. It made things like tying shoelaces a bit painful, but more worrying is that lifting a cheek became almost impossible. Absolute agony so I had to resort to the standing wipe for a few days.
To think that people have been doing that all their life is utterly ridiculous.
How do you achieve that in a standing position, my ample buttocks are closed when standing (unless as per above, in some weird “how far apart do your feet need to be?” stance)
Pretty sure Neneh Cherry knows.
The traps in our locker room are too high for most folk, I'm a short arse (sorry) at 5'6" and my feet cant touch the floor without being some sort of zen yoga master. These were fitted by someone at least 6' is my guess and they thought it would be funny.
dutch teabreak
You know those dispensers that send the paper out of some little cats-arse via the middle of the roll? That if one was so minded they could easily push the paper back in and simultaneously disguise and amplify their crime by stuffing half a sheet of paper back in to catch out the next unsuspecting occupant?
It could be those.
Be grateful it isn't.
The one thing I miss since retiring is being paid to have a crap.
It's nice to give a shit about something in your job.
If you are sitting down how do you get your hand in? its just wrong on so many levels
How the hell do you think disabled folk manage it?
This is honestly the weirdest thing I've ever read, I'm sure there's a very telling Venn diagram of folk that wipe standing up and folk who habitually leave skid marks. How the hell do you stop it going everywhere as you stand?
Jesus, this is getting a bit much even for me...
So we have sitters and standers. Are there any other methods of area wiping we don’t know of? Anybody take it as a chance to exercise and perform squats whilst wiping? I’m firmly in the sit camp. Although I met try standing in the name of science and report back my findings.
You know those dispensers that send the paper out of some little cats-arse via the middle of the roll? That if one was so minded they could easily push the paper back in and simultaneously disguise and amplify their crime by stuffing half a sheet of paper back in to catch out the next unsuspecting occupant?
I just assumed it was shit (sorry) design, but given the array of weird behaviours my colleagues exhibit, I'm now suspecting sabotage.
As a lifelong stander, I'm now confused
Although I met try standing in the name of science and report back my findings.
Of course, I suspect there will be many experiments today.
And indeed, I gave standing a go. Wow, I have had a revelation and things have become clear to me that were not before.
.
.
.
.
you lot that stand to wipe are even more wrong than I first thought.
This thread could not be more STW, everyone comes in with an opinion, doubles down, and starts insulting anyone who tries to suggest an alternative.
Just needs a couple of big (s)hitters to come in and start blaming Corbyn/Starmer/Brexit so we can have 4 more pages, a ban/flounce/closure.
Well I'm now starting to understand some of the more unusual "decoration" that I've found in some loos - henceforth I'll just blame the stand wipers. And to think they walkwaddle among us...
This thread could not be more STW, everyone comes in with an opinion, doubles down, and starts insulting anyone who tries to suggest an alternative.
Peak STW would be refusing to even consider the alternative. I point out that I have considered, even to the extent of trying it. And so now I can definitively say that you're wrong. Faecal FACT
Peak STW would be refusing to even consider the alternative. I point out that I have considered, even to the extent of trying it. And so now I can definitively say that you’re wrong. Faecal FACT
To be fair, I've never considered you to be Peak STW, you're usually a voice of tolerance and reason. Which is a pretty radical opinion on here!
I am wipe-position agnostic, whatever works and fits the situation. For me, it's all in the journey and how I got there, you know, the experience.
Unless it's after a really spicy curry, then all bets are off
Unless it’s after a really spicy curry, then all bets are off
That's what all these portable jet wash things are for.
I’m a lifelong stander. The next question to be asked, because it was once a debate had Chez BH, is, back to front or front to back…?
Brexshit
I'm reporting nearly live.
My standing experimentation results are in.
It's a no from me.
I’m a lifelong stander. The next question to be asked, because it was once a debate had Chez BH, is, back to front or front to back…?
Be careful not to rub yourself up the wrong way.
Well, I for one am going to try the "dark side" on my next visit. You never know, I could have been doing it wrong for the last 54 years.
I knew there where a few wrong 'uns on here but all these sit to wipe folk? Jeepers even some folk who usually have sound opinions are sitters.
Wrong 'uns the lot of you with flabby arses
Back to front or front to back matters little for men - but for women its front to back
But you sitters male or female are still wrong uns!
I have a not unhilarious image of all the standers trying, and failing spectacularly, to use a bidet…
After a brief period of experimentation I have determined that I am a "croucher". Any lower and there would be a risk of falling over. If there were crash mats available I'd have pushed it further, but the risk of being found spark-out with my pants round my ankles clutching a very small piece of loo paper (see my original post), having toppled and nutted the door were too great.
Sitting, with a slight cheek lift for access. Anything else is just spreading any by-product around as you clench your cheeks to stand, shirly?
Oh, and:
"The boss earns a dollar while i earn a dime, that's why I poop on company time".
use a bidet…
You can keep your forrin ideas off this thread.
Stayed in a hotel in Rome where the angle and force of the jet from the bidet was almost enough to enable you to hover.
You can keep your forrin ideas off this thread.
If the garden hose was good enough for grandad during the war...
If you are having particular issues with stubborn... material, maybe consider upgrading your bidet like this Australian did:
OK, so never having used one, what is bidet etiquette?
Do you shuffle from loo to bidet with your trousers round your ankles? Thus spreading it everywhere, if the sitters are to be believed.
Do you wipe then sluice, thus duplicating work?
🤷♂️
I would have thought it prudent to have a bit of a wipe first. You wouldn't jet wash the patio whist it was still covered in leaves would you?
You would do if you were too lazy to sweep the leaves first
I’d use a leaf blower
The other divisive option on this theme is fold or scrunch. I'll out myself now as a folder. I believe my wife's a scruncher and is why we use so much damn bog roll.
It would be an interesting poll to find out what the sit/stand/fold/scrunch venn diagram looks like. ;o)
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