Milkman delivers a 4 pint plastic bottle early mornings.
Twice now in the last fortnight it's been gone by the time we open the door at about 7am.
My first thought was:
Get milkman to leave milk out of sight around the side of the house.
Carefully remove tamperproof top from a milkbottle.
Remove contents. Swill some white paint around inside surface.
Add dog s#1t and top up with liquid.
Refit tamperproof top and hope that said thief gets as far as his morning cuppa.
Following extensive psychological profiling etc, we've concluded that the prime suspect is likely to be someone on way to work on the nearby industrial estate.
Any other suggestions short of semtex and a mercury tilt switch would be welcome.
picolax
+1 for picolax
maybe a neighbour who gets woken up by milkman at 4am every morning and has had enough.... (do you live on my street?) 😉
oo, picolax, that's a good start, but would need milk to stay fresh for a while as we don't know when he'll strike again.
Another Picolax vote
oo, picolax, that's a good start, but would need milk to stay fresh for a while as we don't know when he'll strike again.
I think it's worth the investment.
Buy a bottle, leave it a few weeks to go off, then leave it out for the thief.
Too little impact/return on investment johndoh
Needs to be a stealth strike - after all, he does know where you live...
If it's only a couple of times a fortnight, and a four pint bottle, then your retribution is probably going to be inflicted on an entire workplace, not just the guilty individual concerned.
(And the trouble with Picolax, of course, is getting the dose right - a cuppa's worth of milk won't have enough in it, and you can't up the amount in case he drinks the lot!)
Just leave a note where the milk usually is saying "Milk thief, smile - you're on CCTV". When he looks up, jump off the roof ninja style (where obviously you've been camping out for a fortnight waiting for him) and chop both his hands off. I think that would qualify as proportional.
If it's only a couple of times a fortnight, and a four pint bottle, then your retribution is probably going to be inflicted on an entire workplace, not just the guilty individual concerned.
I can live with that. Handlin' stolen goods innit 😉
Needs to be a stealth strike - after all, he does know where you live...
This was the Mrs' word of caution, and why I'm drawn to the picolax idea.
The note (left under the bottle) could also ask him if he enjoyed the milk you pissed in last week.
you can't up the amount in case he drinks the lot
I'm sure I could live with that too.
Subcontract the mission to a crack CIA wet*-ops team.
* they must do milk hits.
Too subtleThe note (left under the bottle) could also ask him if he enjoyed the milk you pissed in last week.
+1000 Picolax
I'd have taken laxatizing the whole workplace as a plus.
Then not only will the villain be pooped out to the eyeballs. But they'll suffer the wrath of their colleagues.
Subcontract the mission to a crack CIA wet*-ops team
Nah, collaboration = weak link. I operate alone.
OP, you must keep this thread alive.
I'm going to settle in for the long run. Although I'm not in the mood for biccys.
[url= http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8122/8692724420_7444574d3c.jp g" target="_blank">
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/90886684@N03/8692724420/ ]image[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/90886684@N03/ ]piemonster[/url], on Flickr
It's OK, I looked it up out of interest, and apparently overdosing isn't particularly harmful, as it isn't actually absorbed by the bowel - it just magnifies the 'cleansing' effect.
Bit of dehydration perhaps, so if you leave out a bottle of mineral water and some bog roll alongside the four-pinter then your conscience, and his lower intestine, will be pristinely clear.
If it's only a couple of times a fortnight, and a four pint bottle, then your retribution is probably going to be inflicted on an entire workplace, not just the guilty individual concerned.
Picolax it is then!
I'm with you on that one piemonster.I'd have taken laxatizing the whole workplace as a plus.Then not only will the villain be pooped out to the eyeballs. But they'll suffer the wrath of their colleagues.
romans/5-12.
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned--. King James Bible ...
substitute it for soya milk that stuff is nasty
or picolax in uht so it will last
What if he's nicking it for his family? Could be a child's faeces...
which might prove difficult on the basis that this is possibly the first thread where the STW hivemind are indeed as one.OP, you must keep this thread alive.
LOL at martinhutch!
Problem is if you do something horrible to the milk and he realises this, there is nothing stopping him from doing something horrible back.
Best option is to ask the milkman to put the milk in a different place.
Could be a child's faeces...
[img] 
[/img]
hmm, yep, that's good. I guess I could also inject through the bottle in liquid form, so as not to expose to atmosphere.picolax in uht so it will last
Plan coming together nicely I feel.
Now, where to get PIcolax in large quantaties?
Where's DrP when you need him?
[url= http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/CITROFLEET-PICOLAX-EXTRA-STRONG-LAXATIVE-X-2-SACHETS-FREE-POSTAGE-/310607761408?pt=UK_Health_Beauty_Over_The_CounterMedicine_CA ]You can get it off ebay :D[/url]
You can get it off ebay
That looks a bit shit, to be honest...
You can get it off ebayThat looks a bit shit, to be honest...
Groan... with a smirk.
If I was being all responsible, I guess I could try a phased approach.
Phase 1. [url= http://www.bitrex.com/en-us/about-bitrex ]Bitrex[/url] sounds promising.
Phase 2. Picolax
Phase 3. ???
Do what a local farm did when someone was taking eggs rather than putting money in the honesty box - fit up a small, motion sensitive camera, get the culprit on film and have them prosecuted for theft.
Or make up a dogshit trip mine.
Needs to be a stealth strike - after all, he does know where you live...
Ricin, then?
...trip mine
nah, needs to be activated by moving the bottle, can't afford the negative publicity associated with potential collateral damage.
Liquid viagra maybe even more entertaining.
You can get it off ebay
Dear god...
You live up to your name Dark Side.Liquid viagra maybe even more entertaining
[url= http://www.henrykrank.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=2964 ]THIS[/url] looks like it has potential too. 😉
Milkman delivers a 4 pint plastic bottle early mornings.
But somedays he CBA and so doesn't bother, relying on the fact that you will just pressume it's been stolen therefore saving himself time and money in the process 😉
I went to a have a look round a farmer's barn in a previous job. He'd been having trouble with pikies so rigged up a trip wire connected to an emptied shotgun cartridge.
Unfortunately he declined to disarm it before we went into the barn. Bloody hell, I'd have won the Olympic high jump that morning!
Cheers,
Jamie
Used to happen to us too. No crime in the area and yet our milk deliveries would go missing. Couldn't decide if it was a thief or the milky couldn't be arsed, so cancelled deliveries and bought milk (cheaper) from the shop instead. How we laughed at our revenge.
(Wish I'd thought of the laxative idea to be honest 🙂 )
http://www.dabs.com/products/v7-vantage-webcam-300--cs0300-1e--8BF5.html
http://lifehacker.com/5233052/motion-detection-is-an-effective-dead-simple-security-camera-app
Put picture of thief where it's easily visible as he approaches, with the following wording "milk thieves will be reported to the police".
[img] http://images.philips.com/is/image/PhilipsConsumer/F400019236-FIL-global-001?size=284,160&align=-1,-1&$jpglarge$ [/img]
Sourcing 4 pints might be an issue so...
[img] 
[/img]
[img] 
?w=350&h=350&a=7[/img]
Loop it through the staple, leave it unlocked & get the milkman to pop it through the handle & snap it shut.
