[Closed] Mates and their ex GF's...

cynic-al - Member
One word:

FINGERBANG

s'2 words innit?

chakaping - Member

But thinking about it, I wouldn't want to go where my mates had already been apart from to swap notes in the pub afterwards

I agree with everyone in this thread apart from this guy, who I hope never to find myself in a pub with.

ur into sloppy seconds? 😯

we need photo's or she doesn't exist.

mboy,

1. what village do you live in?

2. is your sister next?

8)

As per usual, LOL @ TSY... A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and you sir, as seems to be the norm, have VERY little knowledge! 😉

PMSL @ psling... Comedy genius!

And I'm with chakaping, hoping not to find myself in the pub discussing things with roketdog after! "The Lad Bible" might be high brow reading for some people I'm sure, but personally I'm a little more evolved than that...

what andrewh said.

I have never, ever fancied any of my close male friends' GFs. Somehow, going out with any of my mates instantly makes them unattractive to me. Not saying they are unattractive, just that I don't find them so.

I've fancied the GFs of blokes who are mates but not that close, or colleagues type thing. Someone you'd go for a pint with maybe but aren't that close to.

I don't think I'd ever end up with any of my close friend's GFs/wives. Cos I don't find them attractive, quite frankly. I've had mates' GFs hit on me, but never succumbed. Just wrong, in't it? You woon't want it done to you.

As for the 'sloppy seconds' thing; well, apart from it being a horrible expression, I think there is an element of 'territory' here. Dunno if it's a male thing or what, but I don't think I'd ever be comfortable with someone I knew had bin intimate with any of my close male friends. It would just feel wrong. Course, at my age, anyone I'm intimate with won't be 'pure and untouched', but I just think there's a natural taboo with close friends.

Was in a situation a while ago, a couple I knew split up and I spent time with each of them afterwards as they were both friends, trying to help them though it. Was always closer to the woman than the bloke tbh (he was a friend of a friend but a good bloke), and there was a moment when something could have happened between us, but it never did, and tbh I'm quite happy about that, cos if such a thing had ever become known to him, then I'm sure he'd feel proper devastated and utterly betrayed.

I think the expression 'don't poo on yer own doorstep' is quite an apt one here. You've got to consider the feelings of a friend. If it would mess them up and affect your friendship, then you have to consider that carefully. Lose a lifelong friend for a one-nighter? Is it worth it.

Course, this ain't a simple issue at all, extremely complex, no simple answer. Spose if two people are gonna be together, then that can't (and shoont) be stopped.

I know a mate of mine had a thing with an ex of mine, but I lost respect for him more that he wasn't open and honest about it. Din't have a problem with him seeing her; none of my business really tbh. Up to them. Had got to the point of mutual indifference with her anyway. He went down in my estimation, cos he din't act with a great deal of dignity. I'duv respected him far more if he'd just bin open about it.

Spose if someone left you then ended up with one of yer mates, that could be a bugger to deal with.

Sigh.

No simple answer really is there?

No-one's anyone else's 'property' though. Married or not, it's irrelevant. Everyone's ultimately their own person and belongs only to themselves.

That's actually rather sensible Elf.

I've been toying with a similar problem re contacting a mates ex-wife who wants to meet up. I haven't seen either of them for nearly 16 years and they've been divorced for 15. I feel a touch guilty as I don't think things were ever the same between them after I took him out for a drink and returned him a gibbering wreck who decorated the living room from floor to ceiling with kebab after I left 😳

On the other hand, she is absolutely delightful (or was last time I saw her) in all respects 😉

Woody, trust me you migh have been seen as a bad influence for a few weeks, but as soon as she was no longer with him, she'll have totally forgotten about you even getting him drunk I the first place!

And Elf does indeed make some sensible points, trouble is like I say, I've had my fingers burnt before, having been dumped then my ex ended up with someone I knew, only a couple of months later. But to be fair, theyre still together now, and I've managed to almost completely move on, and rebuild my friendships there too.

only time I did this me and the mate never spoke about it. Until, one day apopro nothing, he said - "she's a screamer, isn't she". Nothing more ever said.

She blimmin was, too...

I'm married to my mate's ex, and he was best man at the wedding.

I've managed to almost completely move on

Even an idiot could tell you that herein lies your problem.

Personally I don't think you actually want to move on, you've presented us with several opportunities on this forum all of which you've failed to take. If you like these girls and you think they've got potential to help you be happy... go for it, go for them both...

Yes/no/maybe TSY. For once you actually have a point, but I can assure you I've wanted to move on for 6 months, for 5 months nearly it wasn't happening but things have changed significantly in the last month for me for the better.

I'm certainly not averse to meeting new people if thats what you're angling at, far from it actually.

Jesus are they all munters these days @ Uni that you are relying on sloppy seconds from mates Eeeek!

one of my brothers mates went out with a mates girlfriend after he dumped her becasue she refused to take it up the wrong un. They married and now have kids. I often wonder how they explain to the kids how they met.

'ark at you lot!

Remember kids - these ladies were dumped for a reason! 😆

[img] [/img]

Nice comments guys 🙄

Sorry sueW i did not mean it in the usual "lad manner" used on here it was just an amusing story about dating a mates ex.

Thanks Junkyard - response much appreciated.

TBH I nearly didn't post anything as I just expected the usual flaming about 'no sense of humour' or 'it's your time of the month', but the last few posts were just a bit much.

Occassionally it's not particularly pleasant being a girl on STW 🙁

thisisnotaspoon - Member
There are 3.5billion women in the world, move on!

Car's and girlfriends are things you should definately never ever ever EVER take 2nd hand off a mate.

Especially when they tell you your mate's a better shag.

Occassionally it's not particularly pleasant[s] being a girl[/s] on STW

Occassionally it's not particularly pleasant being a girl on STW

TBH it's often embarrassing being a bloke on here...

Ignoring the idiots for a moment;

I think a lot of it boils down to individual ego and insecurity really, the mates going out with your ex type thing. If you can't have her, then another man shoon't speshly a mate! That type of mentality.

Which is indicative of emotional immaturity, and the inability to deal with rejection/ending of relationships. Very difficult for many people to accept a relationship is 'over'.

It helps to put distance between yourself and an ex. Physical, and especially mental. Not helpful if you still have feelings and they are in close proximity.

Car's and girlfriends are things you should definately never ever ever EVER take 2nd hand off a mate.

Women aren't material possessions like a car. They're people. When you can figure this out, you may gain a better understanding of life, and yourself, and be better off as a result.

TBH it's often embarrassing being a bloke on here...

TBH there are a couple of posts above which are a bit near the knuckle (I really thought references to back doors had died a natural self-regulating death) but it's been a fairly amusing light-hearted thread and I'm sure more input from a female perspective would have been appreciated and given a bit of balance.

Shame only emsz commented before it got a bit lad'ish.

Poor sensitive little lamb

Nah, just tired of dickhead comments that keyboard warriors woon't make in public, that's all. Thanks for your concern though, appreciated. 🙂

Have you thought about the following scenario...You are lying in bed having a post coital energy gel and the recently-split-up one snuggles up to you and tells you it was just like your mate....ONLY SMALLER...AND QUICKER

My mate asked me if he could date my ex. It was about 18 months after we split up, I told him to go for it. They had a couple of dates and then he told me she's hard work how did I ever manage 2 years with such a princess.

Women aren't material possessions like a car. They're people.

Everyday's a school day. Elfy this forum would be a worse place without you if only the 'dickhead... keyboard warriors' were left.

Through the headboard.

When in doubt PIIHB

Still not done anything mboy?

*shakes head sadly*

Poor sensitive little lamb

I'm sure more input from a female perspective would have been appreciated and given a bit of balance.

Yes I am sure your contribution has helped anyone who wants to speak out freely...who would not be encouraged by ridicule?

Eh!?

I think my contribution was self explanatory and I hardly think a good natured dig at Elf's self appointed status of 'monitor of good taste and discrimination' will have put off any women from commenting, in fact

I'm sure more input from a female perspective would have been appreciated and given a bit of balance.

Shame only emsz commented before it got a bit lad'ish.

I haven't felt obliged to apologise for any of [b]my[/b] comments BTW. 8)

Fairly typical degeneration tbh. Anything that involves women and relationships usually ends up with a bit of dick duelling over who can say the most childish thing.

My general rule of thumb is avoid your mate's ex partners. Friendship is more important than a quick ego boost.

I haven't felt obliged to apologise for any of my comments BTW.

Is that a dig yet?

I suspect you never had needed to apologise for anything you have ever done but I dont necessarily see this as a good thing ...it is possible you, just like eflin, are always right though but unlikey 8)

I am sure we can all see where this is going now and I am out

Can't imagine caring if the ex wasn't a long term relationship, and even so I would hope my reason and sense would overcome my initial feeling of irriation. +1 for the life's too short bunch.

ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+1 for this also.

As for the degeneration into the depths that it has, I can only agree that it's a bit pathetic but wholely expected. And not limited to mainly-men forums - it works both ways. Shockingly it seems that there's a variation of views on all forums and with both sexes...

You are lying in bed having a post coital energy gel

Ahh that made me chuckle 😀

Always happy to apologise when I'm wrong Junkyard but in this case I'm rather bemused by the tone of your responses.

I'll put it down to Monday morning blues, whereas I'm in a sparkling mood as I have the next 7 days off for fun and frolics and am about to give the 29er a spin 😆

If a mate had the chance to date an ex of mine, i'd like him to at least let me know so i can warn him of any head messing talents she may have, and of course if she was just the wrong one for me, then what a great girl she is and advise how to treat her to avoid perhaps mistakes i made.

Also to have a mate fancy an ex, reassures us that we weren't with an unattractive one, that is a good thing. In the case of the most recent mates ex, thats a year old and as others have said, he's moved on, but i think you should at least let him know you've become friends with her and would wish to she her some more.

Only you know how much of a mate he is, and whether you value your friendship with him enough to challenge his emotions, tell him, but don't ask permission, it's not like that. I'm quite sure he'll be fine about it, maybe he'll try to put you off if he thinks she'll not be good for you, or tell you to enjoy her.

What may become an issue is if you were to get together and a chance of her and her ex(your mate) meeting again in a group(non sexual)way, how tense things could get between an ex and his present GF.

But to be fair, that's not your problem, YOUR happiness is the most important factor here, so if he's any kind of mate he will be happy for you.

Mark, put yourself first and do what you wish to make YOU happy and to have fun, if people see you happy, ultimately people who matter in your life most will also be happy.

Enjoy!

Sharki.

I got the impression that the important thing was to make internet strangers think you had female 'options', with the anticipated ego-boost meaning you get to save the effort of doing anything about it?

iDave - that is really not very nice now!

I think Sharki may have nailed it... mboy the people that are important in your life, who also consider you important in theirs, will be happy for you regardless.

I have not nailed it, i wouldn't do that to an mates ex 😆

for emsz .

This thread needs to be left to die

Only a woman could be that cruel

is there a general rule when approaching it from the other side?

Or should I just stop analysing and get the hell on with it?

Oh come on!!! Surely it's not just me!! I mean really! 3 pages already and he had these two lines right from the start!!!