[Closed] knaff marketing claims - what's the daftest you have come across

Current advert for a Bosch oven, with:

"3D HotAir plus technology"

It's a FAN, a FLIPPIN FAN, IN A HOT OVEN, IT'S NOT 3 BLOODY D TECHNOLOGY, IT'S A FAN BLOWING AIR ROUND A BOX WHICH WE'VE HAD FOR AGES - AAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Can you tell that I'm a big fan of this advert and probably going to buy the oven?

you mean hotpoint 😆 but bosch may take that as a compliment?

[i]Makes the trail come alive...[/i] etc

Anything I say when closing a sales pitch...

@muddy

re-hydrating is perhaps the wrong word?

they use a proprietary conditioner that prepares the brake pad surface, as the cleaning agent by itself can make the brake very noisy under hard braking

you can find this if you use isopropyl alcohol by itself to clean brake pads and rotors

Giant's 650b mental breakdown. "You know that Giant 26er or 29er you own and love? It's SHITE! Every bike we've ever made is NOT WORTH RIDING! What were you thinking? What were we thinking? Don't sell it, have it safely destroyed at a government containment facility in case it pollutes your new magic wheels"

[img] [/img]

"Don't blend in"

'course not. Just drive the same anodyne looking car as everyone else and grow a trendy bushy beard. ****!

[img] [/img]

this is a spade [img] [/img]
and this is a .....
[img] [/img]
knuff said

No-one else cottoned onto the fact that they supply Team Sky with disc brake cleaner yet then???
What do Team Sky use that for then???

Anything, and I mean [b]anything[/b], by the cosmetics industry. "Makes your hair come alive" Really? It's deader than a Norwegian Blue Parrot from the moment it leaves the follicle, nothing is going to "revive" it.

Years of use 20.
Hoards of totty fought off....0.
[img] [/img]

oh but maybe this? [img] [/img]
go on you know you want to
[img] [/img]

There's an Opel/Vauxhall advert for some daft little urban 4x4 where Claudia Schiffer uses a hill descent control to drive out of... a multi storey car park.

Do pro roadies want disc brakes?

Perhaps like the cyclocross riders they'll agree to use them in the dry

[img] [/img]

Are you lot all engineers or IT techs who want all products to look like this? Where's your imagination?

"Makes the trails come alive."

End of discussion.

"3D HotAir plus technology"
It's a FAN, a FLIPPIN FAN, IN A HOT OVEN, IT'S NOT 3 BLOODY D TECHNOLOGY, IT'S A FAN BLOWING AIR ROUND A BOX WHICH WE'VE HAD FOR AGES - AAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

I think our new Bosch oven has that. It's a lot more even in temperature around the whole oven than our last two fan ovens. 3D vision or whatever FTW! 😛

this is spade
[img] [/img]
and so is this
[img] [/img]

I have some jeans that have twisted legs that 'anticipate my next move'. How do they do that when I don't know what I am going to do!!

are they your special "get me home" when I'm drunk jeans?

Stoner - Member
"Don't blend in"

'course not. Just drive the same anodyne looking car as everyone else and grow a trendy bushy beard. ****!

I saw this advert and thought exactly the same thing.
Ooooh, you trend setter, zooming around in your erm, oh wait a minute.....is that a small Vauxhall faux 4x4 people carrier thing? Sure, don't blend in duuuude!

ducking

[img] [/img]

It's a real thing

Also - GAH!!

The holiday adverts where they show a family around a deserted pool with acres of space, rather than the reality of having to share it with about 1000 other people and having screaming families on either side of your sunbed who are slowly encroaching with dripping ice creams, inflatables and half drunk plastic beer glasses.....

Perhaps I should just choose the resort more carefully!?

Probably still this

"Makes the trails come alive."

But otherwise, anything with science in - Neutrilium, amino acids, etc with no explanation of why that might be a good thing to be in shampoo, etc.

Sorry muddy9mtb,they do harvest leeks with machines now. M+S say "Hand Picked" due to it being "not just ordinary leeks,but M+S leeks",hand picked element would be the shelf stacker!!. 🙂

Or car (or for that matter, any other product) that suggests that by buying it you will change everyone's perception of you. For the better at least.

eg Nissan Navara - "It commands respect"
[img] [/img]

No it doesn't. It might be justifiable if you have a need for it but if not, it makes most people think you're inadequate in some way and are trying to prove something while raping the planet (exaggeration admitted 🙂 )

"oakley" for registering the word "unobtainium"... then using it everywhere.. genius
Multiple interchangeable Unobtainium® nose pad options for customizable and comfortable secure fit
http://uk.oakley.com/en/womens/sunglasses/sport-sunglasses/radar/product/W0OO9051
[img] [/img]

http://singletrackworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/sea-otter-kappius-magnetic-hubs-and-carbon-rims/

[img] [/img]

Kappius’ carbon fibre and alloy hub shell is vented to prevent pressure buildup when braking. This keeps water and muck from being drawn into the bearings when the hub cools

Has anyone ever measured this "pressure build up"?
Is cutting holes in the hub really the best way to cure this non existent problem, allowing the water and muck to be be pushed in to the bearings from the inside instead.
STW's copy & paster, er, I mean product reviewer, clearly thinks so.

That is a good one 😆

you would have to do some serious braking for that "issue" to have any effect? like on a race track at 200mph ❗

Anything homeopathic...........

Any product (but especially one which which comes in liquid form) claiming to be "free of chemicals"!!?

I see James Dyson changed his "marketing" slogan from Our mission is simple "solve the problem at any cost" to "we find the solution others seem to ignore"
to be fair Dyson is probably one of the few companies that has the resources to do it but somewhere physics would have a say

[i][url= http://pactbikes.us9.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=2ef5ad7836aec4002b0a133c9&id=d1a1e750c1 ]"Our website is a bit rubbish because we're trying to save money. We're working hard to make great bikes, and we don't need a whizz-bang website to do that"[/url][/i] 😉

Works for On-One/PX 🙂

Anything "not tested on animals".

"every chip will eventually crack"

Special K claims of helping you lose weight (has more calories per kg than corn flakes, they just recommend a tiny portion).

Colgate "total" - they used to make toothpastes to cover lots of specific problems, but that seemed a bit unfair so they combined them all into "total" now they make a total for every kind of problem.

to be fair Dyson is probably one of the few companies that has the resources to do it but somewhere physics would have a say

I find Dyson quite frustrating. They come up with some excellent ideas and then make them out of the cheapest nastiest Airfix model plastic imaginable. Sorry Airfix that's probably an unfair comparison!

on many a late night shopping channel
a beautiful modern ornate stained glass lampshade only £300 we have 5 exclusive to go right now and counting down 15 minutes to get one blah de blah. 🙄
[img] [/img]

"You know that Giant 26er or 29er you own and love? It's SHITE! Every bike we've ever made is NOT WORTH RIDING! What were you thinking? What were we thinking? Don't sell it, have it safely destroyed at a government containment facility in case it pollutes your new magic wheels"

Did they actually say that or did you just make it up? I want to see the actual ad.

Like M&S trying to charge more for the "hand picked leeks" knowing full well there is no other way of picking ducking leeks.

Bloody townies.

To further improve the performance, the titanium alloy chainring on INFINIUM is coated with a custom-formulated carbon nanoscale matrix shield, reducing friction to near zero and hugely increasing the endurance and longevity of the chainring

http://singletrackworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/mirandas-all-singing-all-dancing-infinium-crankset/

Car marketing I think is probably the worst across the board. As a random example I give you Audi's "Ultra" technology.

http://www.audi.co.uk/audi-innovation/our-technologies/ultra.html