I have the office to myself on Monday. This is my window for sorting my colleague's ridiculous ugly and downright (doesn't bother with the passive bit anymore) aggressive symbolic pot plant that sits between the desks.
What is the best way to do this ? It has to be something one dose, and untraceable.
I have already discounted killing the colleague - too messy and I like a clear desk.
Boiling water?
Just weedkiller, untraceable.
Is she green fingered? Presumably you don't want to get busted?
https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/profile?PID=462
So just pour the weedkiller in ? Will it not stink the place up ?
Pee in it
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Salt? Sprinkle it on and water it in.
Proper spit on keyboard lol there Quirrel
Hammer some copper nails into the trunk, or cut a ring of bark about an inch wide all the way round....
Cut the branches overhanging your desk. Make sure you throw them back over to his/her side of the desk though.
Give it to me?
There's a reason all our plant are either plastic or dead...
DrP
Bury it underground
Trebuchet
aggressive symbolic pot plant
Upon discovery that docking their stingers renders them harmless, docked triffids soon become fashionable in public and private gardens. As it takes triffids two years to fully regrow their stings, captive triffids are safe if pruned annually.
Above the base are upturned leafless sticks which the triffid drums against its stem. The exact purpose of this is not fully explained in The Day of the Triffids; it is originally assumed that they are used to attract mates, but Bill Masen's colleague, Walter Lucknor, believes that they are employed for communication. It is revealed that removal of these sticks causes the triffid to physically deteriorate.
Pour aftershave on it, that's what my mother did with my pot plant. :/
Salt is the answer.
Fry it with a table lamp.
I'd have thought boiling water would do it and would be pretty much undetectable.
Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.
Have a pet slug in the office
Let it read the religion threads on here. It'll lose the will to live.
@perchy 🙂 but will it go to heaven ?
In the novel 'In The Lake in The Woods' by Tim O'Brian John kills all the houseplants with a kettle of boiling water FWIW. Not a bad read, actually.
Roundup. Will take a tiny dab to kill a pot plant.
We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it's sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they're looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal...
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Smoke it
Not sure if salt is the answer tbh , ive tried salt on the patio ' and not just a sprinkling either , did bugger all to the weeds that keep coming through .
How about domestos .
Please tell me you're not really going to kill your colleague's pot plant while they're out of the office?
We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.
We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!
(Not sure if ink is the best option but there is a strong STW tradition of only suggesting things you have experience of!)
As above, roundup.
Diesel - but it will stink
We used to poison our maths teachers plant at school with ink.
We were trying to get the flowers to turn different colours one year and went a bit far- it died!
You missed the punchline.. It dyed!
We used Roundup on a vigorous patch of nettles. It may well kill them eventually but may well take it's sweet time about it. A week after a proper dousing they're looking a bit peaky but hardly terminal...
Nettles have an underground part (rhizomes) that can spread for metres. You need to dig that out if you want permanently rid.
hurl it out the window, be a man and own up to doing it with a well timed "come at me bro'"
be a man
mondays a bit quick for that. but you might be able to get a stick on moustache?
Build a Lego wall.
Weedkiller is all well and good, but the suggestions above are far too quick and will arouse suspicion.
Two options I'd suggest are a) lift and snip the roots or b) spray with rosate, where the plant looks totally normal for 3 weeks, then will suddenly and quite dramatically die, many weeks after the crime was committed.
Trebuchet is clearly the best option here.
Let Mrs M look after it, she's a more powerful defoliant than Agent Orange.....
salt water
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Napalm. Has to be.
Can you not just give it one of your famous withering looks?
What you want is a small plague of locusts, buy 100 or so from the local pet shop and release these in the office from a Tupperware container while no one's looking, they'll eat everything edible within a 10 meter radius. When your pot plant loving colleague asks what has happened to their plant tell him/her it was Gods will.
Honestly, I feel sorry for your colleague 😕
