[Closed] Kids......

I love my kids but I wish I'd spent less time telling my eldest to be careful* when she was a toddler. Then maybe now (age 8) she'd not be so terrified on the bike 🙂

Just more people to share the world with and be close to.

* in case anyone thinks we were cotton wool wrapping, it was more a case of encouraging her to do things carefully than simply saying stop and get down

I wouldn't change a thing, I'm 35 (yesterday, happy birthday to me!) my kids are 7 & 9, so I had a life before, but still started pretty early.

I love them to bits, they're both 2 of my best mates and together we all have a right laugh. Even though sometimes all 4 of us can be bastards.

I've had to make sacrifices obviously, and if I'd not had kids I don't think I'd have regretted it, but you can't have it both ways, and I couldn't imagine life without them.

Got two. 3 yrs and 7 months. Life is hard but I miss them when they ain't here.

Just wish they would bloody sleep.

No kids here and happy with that.

Right now. No F ING WAY. 😈

I’m sure I’ll change my mind on Christmas morning but dear lord the last few days have been trying. 😥

Have two 17 and 14. Boy girl.

Always wanted them at some point and we were quite planned when they arrived - first was before my wife was 30. Can be very stressful, and my son was diagnosed Type 1, 3 years ago - healthy lad, nothing wrong. Shock to the system. Doing OK, but he is sick to the death of the 'disease' at the moment, so hospital psychologists and stuff. We fund some good 'tech' to make managing his bloods better.

It's trying, and it never get's easier - we were close to dragging him into hospital earlier this week as he threw his insulin pump off and wouldn't respond to us - very dangerous.

He's a great lad and has a talent with video making -made a fabulous wedding video for my sister - very impressive and at professional level and done as a favour.

The down side is we don't/struggle to spend as much time with my daughter - but she is doing well and is A* capable. She never asks for much so we try and sneak treats to her.

4 kids here, not sure if, or how many I wanted, they just sort of came along...Married first wife who already had a 3yr old, then we had twin boys together..then all fine until boys hit 14, split from the wife and met someone else who was childless..at 45 I thought I was past nappys, pre school etc but nope, had a little girl (now 5) and she is the absolute apple of my eye, the other 3 kids love her to bits and she is an amazing addition to my life...sure there have been (many) sacrifices but all worth it.
I do worry about me getting old - I will be 60 when/if she leaves school at 16, 70 when she is just in her mid twenties and I'll probably not be here to see her celebrate her 40th, which if I am honest does upset me a bit - but just makes me vow to make each and every day I spend with her special 🙂

How these two are turning out we'd have had 4!

Lots of back story but I was quite settled into not having kids , at 45 for me we had crankbrat up until him popping his head out I was ambivalent about him and all was about crankygirl. From the second I held him I was besoted . He is now 6 and my pride and joy.
I wouldn't change the life I had before it made me who I am, but I wouldn't go back either. Hard life dominating work but also complete and utter fun and satisfaction.

****ing A, 3 here all different, all awesome. Oldest one keeps me sharp on the bike, middle one keeps my dad dancing in check, youngest one one makes us all laugh.

Daughters aged 7 and 5 and I wouldn't change them for the world. They are having the childhood that I wish I'd had - full of love and fun and music and interest in what they're doing and how they feel. I love this time of year with them around.

One 7-year-old daughter - but I’m not sure what I know now that I didn’t know before, apart from complete love for a small person who depends on me. That’s both wonderful and scary at times, but most of the time it’s just normal.

No regrets at all.

If I had know then what I know now I’d have 100% still had my daughter but I’d have been more prepared!

I’d have probably taken a 6 month sabbatical to go riding before hand, coz I damn well ain’t doing it now 🙂

8 kids though?! I salute you sir!

2 kids and a dog is hard work, 8 kids ****!

Although I have to admit as someone who was less than careful in their younger days I would be close to that number without certain interventions 😕

[quote=wiggles ]I would definitely have them again, the person I had them with would be changed if that is an option though?

This - love my kids and sometimes they're the only thing which keeps me going - I also like the idea of having a nice settled family with somebody I love (strangely that wasn't ever something I particularly wanted even up to the point of having kids, but I like the idea now), but that's not what I've got, and never will have.

What Yunki said...

Actually you surrender 99% of your human identity to the process of kids - the only advice i have to prospective parents wedont have more than 2 as the world is not configured for families with 4 or more kids.

Surely there's the bigger picture to see here...that of biological need. Without kids we'd be gone in 70 years. Overall, having kids is essential. OK, like the animals, a number of us won't for some reason or another.

Personally, I thought life was important before kids. How wrong I was! They ramp things up a few notches and turn you into a better person. You have to learn a new skillset almost immediately. Absolutely nothing feels as good as a little persons love for you.

I love the idea of having more, I'd have 5 or 6, but I don't have the energy for the early months of waking up in the night, and Mrs is absolutely against any more.

Yeah... I love being a Dad 😀

That's not to say that sometimes I don't want to stove their skulls in with a mallett....
But that's the minority of times. Probably :|.

DrP

My first daughter was unplanned. If she hadn't come along then I probably would have remained childless. However now that both my Daughters are here, I could just not imagine life without them. They opened up a whole depth of love that I never knew I had in me. Still cause me worry even at 18 and 21, but they are my two best mates and I'll be utterly bereft when they finally both leave home.

... turn you into a better person.

The jury is currently out with regards to my answer. If I were to base my answer on their performance yesterday It would be a resounding NO!
My daughters almost five and most of the time shes pretty good value, but my son who has just turned two is a freaking NIGHTMARE. Its like having human siren anchored to your leg. From the moment he wakes up all he does is whine! My wife is literally at breaking point 😯
I'm sure it will all come good soon enough, but till then I have my bikes to keep me sane 😀

What Yunki & crankboy said.

Scary Carey my boy is approaching 4 and still whines all the time. He's just not a fun time kid! Went sledging, lasted two runs before it started. Groups of kids running about having fun and he tends to sit at the side, or sort of tries to play by following someone and just ends up annoying them instead!

middle one keeps my dad dancing in check

You're doing it all wrong. Dad dancing should never be checked, your purpose is to be as embarrassing as possible.

It's been a blast though I worry I didn't get the best out of the experience. They appear to be well rounded types and enjoying their lives and want to see us regularly. (Mrs Sandwich must have done something right).

Without a shadow of a doubt. He's my buddy.... he's my boy... We do many many day and boy things together and enjoy them all.
It's very very rare we have cross words.

Without him, my life would be much worse.

nope.

I started the thread as my wife and I were talking about it yesterday.....

We both agreed we wouldn't be without them, love em to bits and they are our 'everything'....

It is hard work, Lily is 3 1/2 and Fynn just a year. They are very different characters, Lily serious and moody with plenty of fire.... Which I love, she will be a force. Fynn is just mental, a smiley happy wrecking ball.

We live in Croatia, have a new, very busy, business, house renovation and, of course the kids.... Sometimes it is all to much. The kids do take everything you have and it is hard to have anything of the life you used to, we are now mummy and daddy and that is, seemingly, all we do...

It is a selfish notion really, I miss my pre children life, the freedom, the sense of identity, the sleep!!!

It's hard, but I wouldn't ever be without them but maybe we would have changed other life plans to accommodate....

As soon as I get tired of large amounts of disposable income, peace & quiet & quality freetime, then I will have children. Its not happened yet.

Yeah definitely ..I always wanted family..the first time I was ready my then wife wasn't and this among other things led to our split ..met my daughter's mam a couple of years later and at the age of 34 my daughter was born ..she is now 26 a fantastic kid and has a similar sense of independence to my own.
The hardest decision in my life came when it no longer became possible to live with her mam and I left a broken hearted 8 year old behind ..made even harder when her mother out of spite alone denied me access and it cost thousands in legal fees and a couple of years before I got to see her on a regular basis ..all the while though my daughter still wanted to see me which made the whole process worthwhile ..
There is regret there of course ..that I didn't see her every day and play a bigger part in her life as she was growing up ...
At 42 I met my current missus when she was 25..and we have been together for 18 years..I have never been happier and we have a 14 year old son ..again knows his own mind and is a not so little ( 6'1") shit at times ..but I'm proud of the way he is turning out ..he is the Apple of his mother's eye and gets away with murder..but knows where to draw the line ..I like how he pushes things to see how far that line can stretch..all part of growing up 😆

Kids don't cost a lot until you go on holiday tbh.

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(I haven't got kids 😆 )

Never wanted kids when I was in my 20s and early 30s. As friends started having them I began to warm to the idea. Had some trouble conceiving until my daughter arrived 2 years ago. Love her to bits, she's often the only thing than can make me smile.
Negative things:
Have zero intimacy with wife, not helped by daughter still breast feeding and co sleeping.
Simple things take for ever
Less bike time
Very difficult to run a business from home and have a child (there are positives to this too that I just have to remind myself about).
Wish we would have had her earlier, or at least at a similar time as friends, factoring keeping a 2 year old when friends kids are much older means getting together surprising difficult.
Above all I worry about bringing her in to this world of Brexit, Trump, increasing nationalism, inequality and the threat of automation. We've been trying for another and have had 2 miscarriages, I'm beginning to think that may be it's for the best 😥

So no I'd never regret having our fantastic daughter, but I have doubts about whether having children was the correct thing.

[quote=cheers_drive ]Have zero intimacy with wife, not helped by daughter still breast feeding and co sleeping.

If you really do mean zero, that includes all forms of intimacy (not just having a shag) and that's been the case since she was born, then get it sorted mate. You might think you can cope, but eventually it kills things.

though I'm not sure how to equate that with:

We've been trying for another and have had 2 miscarriages

which means you've had at least one more "moment of intimacy" than I'd had when my oldest was 2.

We've been trying for another and have had 2 miscarriages

Sorry to hear that mate - sending lots of love.

Wasn't sure I wanted kids before I had them, more Mrs B's idea. And it wasn't an easy journey to get them. And there are lots of things that I miss about life before kids. And it's been bloody hard work. But absolutely 100% worth it.

which means you've had at least one more "moment of intimacy" than I'd had when my oldest was 2.

Thanks Wallop. Looks like you a Mr W are living the dream at the moment, a good advert for not having kids.

Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

That right there is a very sad post.

No kids here, but plenty of friends and family have and are going through the process.

I've never felt the desire really & been fortunate in relationships nether has my significant others.

I have friends and family who have turned into totally different people post baby, and it's actually a bit vomit inducing to be honest. I can't subscribe to it changing me for the better etc - plenty of friends who perhaps a bit too open will vehemently deny it does and openly admit they don't like their new lives.

Tends to follow a similar pattern, a couple of loosener drinks & it goes along the lines of "yeah, we love them to bits, but would I/we do it again if we had the chance? Nope".

Fundamentally, I don't actually like children either, which makes the decision process easier 🙂

[quote=cheers_drive ]Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

In which case as I already wrote, get it sorted, otherwise you'll be writing posts like mine in a few years time. Sending hugs - it sounds like you need some.

Without a doubt wouldnt be without them, im firing blanks so we adopted and theyve been home for two weeks now.
Cant imagine my life without them and it means more bike time! (Bakfiets, which they love going in)

weeksy - Member
Let's be clear it was perfunctory sex done as a task to make a baby. My hand gives more intimacy. Could count on one hand the amount of times my wife has given me a hug or held my hand or just spoken us in the past 2 years.

That right there is a very sad post.

i admire his honesty.

very few people are willing to admit that.

i used to think i'd love having kids, but as i've got older and seen friends lives altered beyond my imagination (some of them resenting their new life), the state of the planet (honestly feel one of the most unenvironmentally friendly things you can do is have kids) and the realisation that i am a selfish, egotistical basterd i've turned against the idea.

which is a little strange as kids from family and friends seem to think i'm great fun and everyone tells me that i'm good with kids...

Anyone can be good with kids on a short term temporary basis... it's when you need to really take responsibility that your true mettle is tested.

it's when you need to really take responsibility that your true mettle is tested.

Gold Star for me this morning then - my almost 17 yr old daughter is enjoying her first hangover at this very moment. Nine hours ago I was holding her hair out of her face while trying to aim her vomiting head at the toilet. 😀

tegreatape pro tip use the bath not the toilet , its a bigger target so they cant miss, almost as easy to clean and they are ideally positioned to wash the mess out of their hair if needed.