Man cave and badgers it is, then. For the rest of my life. Ace.
that really is not good for your mental health!
Big as in tall or round or did she just have an excellent pair of personalities?
last one. Hmmmmmm...
I've met the most incredible woman in the world...
No such thing.
Grow up.
Get a grip.
Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path. i appreciate your input. I have no idea what the right way forward is. One thing I can be sure of though, is that there are a lot of posters on here in possession of their own badger strewn man caves...
Can't you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions? 😯
In all seriousness, and leaving aside the amazing female that has caused me to take a great big look at mt current situation, one of the things I am concerned about is whether (what may develop into) a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would [i]actually[/i] be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result. I have zero experience of this, so serious question.
Can't you just demand your wife for more nookies in different positions?
Ha. the nookies thing hasn't really been happening for quite a while. But I can live with that. It's the barely concealed annoyance when I express an opinion, and the naggging feeling that I'm a spare part that I'm really not fond of.
OP. Don't do it! Make sure you do everything you for your marriage and if that doesn't work out long-term then maybe it's time to finish that relationship before starting another....?
I've met the most incredible woman in the world...
No such thing.
Grow up.
Get a grip.
Bollocks. I am lucky enough to spend my life with the most amazing person I've met.
Tazzy, thankyou for daring to ply the lesser trod path
no daring in it. I've seen too many people in really unhappy relationships/ marriages stick together through some sort of twisted "it's the right thing to do, it's what society expects of us" totally **** themselves and their kids up.
One close friend couldn't cope with the thought of being a failure for not being an uber dad/lover/success/happily married shiny person as others appear to portray to the world.
He didn't want to leave his wife and kids and be try to find happiness as single bloke who loves his children, rather he tried finding excuses to be at work or be out of the house and not see them at all for the supposed stigma of leaving and what he thought it would do to his kids....he took his own life in the end and left a total mess behind. (hiding in a man cave can only work for so long)
I met my wife a few months after a very painful break from a woman who I was crazy about, but unfortunately was actually crazy. My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn't; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent. I was intensely attracted to her, and if I'm honest, the fact that she was very unlikely to put me through the same shit that I went through with the lunatic was a big part of the attraction. I owe her a great deal, probably my sanity for one. I have never had any intention of leaving her. It has been tough over the last few years, and I do think that maybe she doesn't feel quite the way she says she does about me, but I've always been willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try.
I know this isn't helpful at all but when I read this I just think of it Charlie Sheen doing the voice over bits in Platoon, you know, the wallowing, slightly self pitying over dramatic voice.
a relationship of simmering resentment and mutual toleration would actually be still better for children than one of seperated parents who are happier as a result
The most important thing is that kids are loved, and know they are loved by both parents. These parents do not need to be together, but they need to be grown up enough to always be able to talk sensibly about the kids first regardless of how they feel about each other.
OK
So. Plan.
A) Cut off all non appropriate contact with this woman, painful as it may be.
B) Make real and concerted effort with wife, continue to enjoy the happy times with the kids. If this works, ****ing marvelous. but...
C) If the B) doesn't work, seriously consider seperation, but WITHOUT involvement of third parties, and try extremely hard to keep it civil and sensible, and be the best possible dad I can be.
D) Wonder for the rest of my life if I've done the right thing. (this probably applies to all possible outcomes, I'm a bit of a ponderer.
Thanks for your input guys. I especially enjoyed the badgers...
I'm off to bed now with a slightly clearer head than I did a couple of hours ago.
Far to many people can't stand to be alone these days and as a result will shack up and settle down with anyone. I found a girl like your describing and consider myself the luckiest man alive. But I would bet a lot of the "MTFU" or "grow up" advisers on here are the same guys that have to get permission to ride their £3k bikes once in a blue moon, between ferrying the kids around, being generally bitch whipped and eyeing up younger women in the supermarket. I bet if you sat with these same guys while they where drawing there last breaths, they would tell you different. It's your life pal, not the wifes, not the kids.. yours. Sounds selfish but its a fact. If you feel this way about this woman go for it. But also be prepared to ride the shit storm that WILL follow.
How about this? You have a grown up chat with the Most Incredible Woman in the World and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her [s]back[/s]door.
Good summary OP!
How about this? You have a grown up chat with the most incredible woman in the world and be honest. Tell her how you feel, then tell her that for the sake of your kids you are going to spend the next year trying to save your marriage. You want and need to have nothing to do with her whilst you put your energy into this. If after a year or so, you feel the same way, your marriage is not working despite you trying everything you can to fix it, and she still feels the same way then you will be round knocking on her backdoor.
That sounds like it will fit in nicely with A), and give B) a timescale to work to. I am actually sure that 'Ms Incredible' will understand; she afterall is in a similar situation.
Yup, good round up. I can totally understand the "One life, live it" stylee posts too but strongly feel that once the choice is made to settle with another person, you should honour that commitment, dare I say, for better or for worse 😀
Best of luck!
assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?
assumedidentiti.. did you start a thread about...
Nope. I do remember it though. Must. go. to. bed...
Cloudnine - delete that - I would.
Why, user-removed? is he trying to infer my identity? I'm not worried, he's well off the mark. delete it if he wants.
did you start a thread about cyclists not stopping to see if you and kids were ok when you had a puncture a few months back?
ah, that would be me..
fairly happily married, no amazing new women in my life.. me and mrs yunki are barely speaking in anything more than grunts and nods though, but that's more down to overwork than anything else.. (unless the wife is assumedindentiti 😕 )
Hi sweety 😉
Cue Simon Bates/Our Tune....
Aaaaah the allure of fresh flesh. It offers everything you don't have and usually nothing you do....
Just that if I'd gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I'd be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).
Try to sort any issues with the mrs first, it's not worth trying to juggle two women!!!
Just that if I'd gone to the trouble of creating a new identity to garner opinions on a troublesome personal matter, I'd be slightly annoyed at others outing me (wrongly in this case).
Yep, gotcha. Nasty. Wrong, but nasty.
My wife was everything that this ex girlfriend wasn't; nice, trustworthy, honest, blonde, buxom, wholesome, decent.
She sounds lovely. Why not post a couple of pictures of her so the one or two decent singletons on here can have a go at being the most amazing man for her?
Sound hurtful?
It is, and it's exactly what you're proposing in reverse.
I appreciate your current relationship might not be all you want, and if that continues over time then you may have to make some very tough decisions. But try to make them with your head. Right now, it's your other head that's doing the thinking, and that never ends well.
Apologies.. I was going to lead onto a joke but it doesnt look like it will be funny.
Give her a good prodding and see what happens there after. Winner.
[i] I am actually sure that 'Ms Incredible' will understand; she afterall is in a similar situation.[/i]
Will she not be mrs incredible in 3 months though? Or will she put the wedding on hold whilst you decide what you want to do.
Welcome to Married Life. You stood up in front of your family and friends and gave your solemn oath to foresake all others etc. etc. and now someone attractive has walked along. Guess what? This happens a lot. Now as somebody else wrote on page 1, go and play with your lovely kids and reassure them that Daddy loves them and he loves Mummy because you made them and they need a stable family life more than you can ever know.
When I was a child things weren't right between my parents but they stayed together because of us kids and because they were very devout Catholics. I can still remember the rows and the funk of terror that came over me each time that they might separate and our family might fall apart.
Zokes- thst is an interesting point..and a good tester for the op. If he thinks, omg that's terrible I can't imagine her with anyone but me, then they may have something to work on.
If he thinks "well she deserves to be happy and I obviously do not fulfil that criteria given her behaviour etc, " then he may decide to very grown up and let het find happiness rather than being stuck together in a world of discontentment feeling undervalued due to not wanting to be alone and an ancient adherence to vows, or some stupid belief that staying togeather for the kids regardless of their situation is the right thing to do.
From the child's perspective,
My mum cheated on my dad when I was 3, ultimately this ended up with her divorcing dad and marrying new pleb, she is still happily married to new pleb and I'm happy for her. I will however never forgive her for cheating and it has ruined out mother son relationship.
If she had just left him to be with the new guy I think I could have handled it with much more compassion as I understood what happens in love. It was the act of betrayal in the first instance that I will never forgive.
OP if you want to get with this new woman then do so, if your sure that's what you want then tell your wife your leaving and start your new happy life.
Just don't cheat!
Classic fallen into a routine. Gets interest and gets immature heart-spark.
DO NOT sleep with her.
Concentrate on your wife. Kids can detract from 'you' as a couple, wear you down.
If you sleep with her its a mind****. Epic mind****- your work will then suffer and you wont ride your bike just pretend you are so that you can meet/an alibi. She'll tell her partner shes going shopping/gym 'alot'. The sex will be epic- anything naughty always feels better as its a secret/intense.
Oh and after your wife finds out you'll lose circa30%? Of your wage to the CSA.
Grow up and start to pay your wife attention.
Actually Tazzy, I hadn't thought of it from that perspective, and it's an equally valid point. I suppose putting the boot on the other foot might just clear things up either way
So what happens when you've dumped the wife and got together with miss perfect, and then things eventually get a bit stale with her too, and then a new miss perfect comes along? Or a new mr perfect for her?
Will you be able to trust each other, given how the relationship started?
"Staying in an unhappy relationship"
Ever think you made it unhappy?
People DO grow out of love but you know it. In this case end it before looking is best?
LOADS of women out there. Loads of blokes too. OP, why not let your wife experience the same emotions as you and sleep with someone else?
Slightly trolling but true.
My dad left when I was 17. We've not spoken since and never will. I'm now 41. Think about the pain of not seeing your kids for a week, then a month, then 20+ years. He's never seen his grandson, never met my wife, etc etc
Is it worth that?
When I was a child things weren't right between my parents but they stayed together because of us kids and because they were very devout Catholics. I can still remember the rows and the funk of terror that came over me each time that they might separate and our family might fall apart.
Is this really a good argument for staying together and 'making the best of it' though. Small children repeatedly in a 'funk of terror' makes my blood run cold.
I'm sure she won't, and nor would I ask her to. She's in a similar situation as I said, and is strongly of the opinion that she must marry this man for the sake of her child.Will she not be mrs incredible in 3 months though? Or will she put the wedding on hold whilst you decide what you want to do.
Zokes, Tazzy, regarding your test about thinking of my wife falling for another. It doesn't really evoke any massively strong feelings other than a generalised fear of how it would affect the kids lives and a feeling of what a waste. Very similar to how I feel when I consider the nuclear option myself, really.
Weeksy my father was terrible. I have only one regret when he died suddenly in 2010. He never saw his first Grandson nor did his Grandson meet him (just as important).
I think learning to be more of a man and teaching your kids about forgivess are more important (to me now). I learnt that too late but I'll teach my son never to hold a grudge, resent etc even if another is wrong.
I think learning to be more of a man and teaching your kids about forgivess are more important (to me now). I learnt that too late but I'll teach my son never to hold a grudge, resent etc even if another is wrong.
I used to think that, but IMO some people are simply a malign influence and there's no reason to have them in your life just because you happen to be related.
When I was a kid, my parents fought dreadfully all the time and I often wished they would split up so I could have an end to the anxiety. Having said that, the OP's marriage doesn't sound anything like that unhappy.
You haven't done anything yet, keep it that way. Write down a date 6 months or 1yr from now, try what you can to make what you have got at the moment work and see if you still want to leave then. What you are experiencing is distraction and a desire for someone you don't really know. No one is perfect and your kids are your number one priority you need to be able to say hands on heart that for their sake you tried. Recently, to me, it sounds like you have just been coasting, put some effort in you might enjoy the view at the top.Successful marriages will take some effort and compromise.
