techsmechs knows his power tools!
Said tool always appears in every Japanese porn vid (I imagine/guess). I always thought they must be a 70's throwback/early incarnation of pleasure toys being used still today by thrifty Japanese porn directors...how wrong I am.
Some strange views here.
People who think sex stops at retirement (I know people in their late 80s who still enjoy it, male and female).
People who think it is automatically the OP who is "to blame"
There's a sort of checklist
1) Is this about your relationship as a whole? Does that need fixing first?
2) Is she depressed or does she have another medical issue which could cause this?
3) Do the two of you have enough time with each other alone, and when neither of you are tired/stressed/drunk?
etc etc.
But some couples do have a big mismatch in sex drive, and that may not necessarily be fixable, if the partner with the lower drive (not always the woman) doesn't see the mismatch as a problem or something they are willing to talk about or work on. And ultimately it may break the relationship. Been there.
I think [b]Ton[/b] was close to it. For a complete and happy marriage relationship you do need love, respect, friendship and sex - [i]of a frequency and type you can both agree on[/i].
[b]Dr J[/b] this is a real issue - you do need to think about if you can really be happy if the situation never changes. For some of us blokes, sex isn't just about getting our end away. It is about closeness and intimacy and communication. Are you going to be able to be happy if things don't change? If not, you need to let her know.
Like I previously said maybe the OP should try swinging, sex is like food, if you have the same thing every day you will soon get sick of it.
3dvgirl. Disagree. That I do disagree on.
3dvgirl. Disagree. That I do disagree on.
just out of interest why do you say that?
For some of us blokes, sex isn't just about getting our end away. It is about closeness and intimacy and communication.
Yes couldn't agree more, it's also a fun activity to do together, but a lot of women (and guys) don't seem to understand that and that's probably where it goes wrong.
The difficulty is though when faced with a low sex drive partner is if there's no sex or not much sex then that's just fine for them, so they think it's just normal to do it once in a blue moon, which it probably is for this type of person.
I've had this with a previous partner. She felt in the mood so rarely, whereas I'm a randy old dog, and as I was getting it so infrequently, it was a case of having to take any slight hint of an opportunity and try to exploit it. Normally I'd crash and burn and get the old 'too tired' or 'lets just cuddle' excuse, but maybe one time in 20 then things would work out good. Felt like rejection big time and got exhausting after a very short while (probably for her too) and despite us trying to talk about it she didn't see it as a problem, thought we had a great relationship and just wouldn't compromise. Needless to say we're not together any more.
Not heard from the OP in ages - do you think he's been scared off?
3dvgirl its about Creativity/putting effort in not 'box' ticking routine...
I've had my fair share of average one-nighters or girls with zero imagination in bed.
As a consumer society we are told to never feel happy until the next new thing...
3dvgirl its about Creativity/putting effort in not 'box' ticking routine...
I've had my fair share of average one-nighters or girls with zero imagination in bed.
Its like Pokemon to me 🙂
3dvgirl pre your edit I used to be like that too..
3dvgirl pre your edit I used to be like that too..
One day ill settle down, once I get in to 4 digits.
I enjoy Hora's bullet-proof confidence in his sexual prowess.
I feel no urge to speculate on whether or not he is justified, I just find the self-assurance very sexy. 🙂
I enjoy Hora's bullet-proof confidence in his sexual prowess.
confidence is the key to pulling, so maybe hes not bull shiting you.
I can't wait for Hora & 3dvgirl to meet at the Peaks Pootle, should be most entertaining!
I can't wait for Hora & 3dvgirl to meet at the Peaks Pootle, should be most entertaining!
🙂
It has its place but is not the most important thing, for sure.
Like others, I have a reduced-to-zero sex life although I have a long term partner. Our problem isn't kids, it's medication; methotrexate if all be told. Sadly, because of the high level she's on, Slackalice's suggestion is out of the question, too.
Do I miss it - you bet. At the ripe old age of 41 she's still hot as hell.
Has it weakened our relationship - no. I think it's actually strengthened it somehow.
Love her to bits...
hora - Member
3dvgirl its about Creativity/putting effort in not 'box' ticking routine...
I've had my fair share of average one-nighters...
Hora the thread is about intimacy not your experiences with multiple frames!
I lower the union jack and raise the Jolly Roger flag...
That's nice!! 😀
Avast! Mi beauty. Unleash a broadside against your flank thrn prepare to be boarded!
[i]Samuri's look?[/i]
More like
[img] 
[/img]
Unleash a broadside against your flank thrn prepare to be boarded!
shouldn't that be the other way round?? 😕
It's not the most important thing, but without it a relationship isn't really complete, so you kind of need to make an effort at least a few times a month.
hora - Member
Avast! Mi beauty. Unleash a broadside against your flank thrn prepare to be boarded!
You are now definitely riding in front of me! 😯
Is sex the most important thing? No but it has to be equally the most important thing
A relationship with bad sex? No thanks, there is nothing worse than a sexually mismatched relationship
Is sex the most important thing? No but it has to be equally the most important thingA relationship with bad sex? No thanks, there is nothing worse than a sexually mismatched relationship
I once read that nobody walks away from a relationship which has great sex. And that is partially true. I can accept for various medical reasons the physical side becomes tough for some people - but it is part of a relationship.
If you are young isn, and the physical part of the relationship has gone, then you you be thinking of getting out and how to end it amicably. You will have an affair, she will have an affair (if not already) and the whole thing will turn to shit - and get very vitriolic
As a doctor once told me, sex drive in 95% mental ... if you are not prepared to give, share and enjoy your relationship with your partner then it is doomed
Sorry - but been there, done that
Not heard from the OP in ages - do you think he's been scared off?
Yes I am 🙂
Difficult to discuss very personal things in public like this, but for me it feels like a lack of interest or understanding (yes, probably mutual), rather than just the absence of "hide the sausage" that is the problem. So when sausage time does come around it is more like 2 people masturbating simultaneously.
Yes trust you'll get laid and faith it'll happen again.
A wise old woman once told me to get the sex right first and everything else would fall into place. If it isn't right in the beginning, it never will be. And I concur up to a point, if the sex is below par, the relationship will never be as good as it potentially could be. That's why I think it's best to test drive or borrow a few different models before signing a long term agreement...
I don't think it's as simple as thinking about your own sex drive, more the chemistry between two people.When I was married we would row and be quite nasty to each other but we always had banging sex, which probably kept us together after we had developed different interests .Now I'm with somebody who I get on with in every way and who is good to get on with...but the fizzy bomb fireworks aren't the same ,things are less intense but there's not the urgency or desire in the same way .
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-25094142
Do we have a reporter in our midst?
I feel no urge to speculate...
This is good; there's no rush - take your time. No-one likes a premature speculation. 😉
*spits coffee*
4.9 times a month?? Jeez... After a quick tally-up for November, I guess there must be a lot of blokes getting nothing at all to give an average of 4.9!
But some couples do have a big mismatch in sex drive, and that may not necessarily be fixable, if the partner with the lower drive (not always the woman)
This is true in my experience. After believing that women have no sex drive as a young yoof, nearly every woman I've had a vague semblance of a relationship with has thoroughly enjoyed sex and it's been a big part of our time together.
Like I previously said maybe the OP should try swinging, sex is like food, if you have the same thing every day you will soon get sick of it.
Agreed to a degree. Assuming you like the person you're eating with, there's no reason not to try everything you can on the menu (so to speak).
I really must read the OP's original post to make sure I'm not going completely off track.
Swinging or extra-marital/NSA/FWB relationships may just show the OP the deficiencies in other areas of his relationship with his wife. You'd need a really very solid relationship to do this with your wife/with your wife's consent, and it would be a shitty thing to do without it.
[b]Dr J[/b]please beup front with her about how you feel, unless you know you want out. I didn't handle it brilliantly when I was in your shoes.
[quote=Shibboleth opined]4.9 times a month?? Jeez... After a quick tally-up for November, I guess there must be a lot of blokes getting nothing at all to give an average of 4.9!
Have you not read the rest of the thread?
Have you not read the rest of the thread?
Well yes, but I just thought it was a classic case of mountain bikers spending more time washing their bikes than their balls...
Dr J please be up front with her about how you feel, unless you know you want out. I didn't handle it brilliantly when I was in your shoes.
Definitely; total honesty is always the best bet. Why not use...
when sausage time does come around it is more like 2 people masturbating simultaneously.
It may not be the most tactful but it'll cut to the chase...
🙂
TBH and I mean being honest. If my SO wanted it and I refused her it not on medical grounds (i.e medication) I just was not in the mood for it anymore with her and I then subsequently found out she went on to cheat on me. Who would I blame?
Who would you blame in that circumstance? I'm not saying the OP etc should cheat. I think there needs to be a very frank dicussion. Everything out on the table. See if there is a middle-ground or if ultimately it provokes a trial split. 🙁
On this final point, should you feel 'guilty' for being so childish to want sex. It could feel that way but part of you is miserable.
Agreed to a degree. Assuming you like the person you're eating with, there's no reason not to try everything you can on the menu (so to speak).
I should clarify, as this is the internetz: I think you can have a fun, interesting and fulfilling sex life with one person, but it does take imagination and time. And sometimes toys.
Not read the whole thread, so apologies if someone has done this already, but we have the opposite problem. I'm a medicating Bipolar sufferer, and one medication side-effect is it reduces libido, and of course when I was a raging Bipolar I was sex mad, so the poor missus knows what she's missing.
Sometimes I actually find the whole sex thing a bit 'been there done it'. Ditto porn. I'd happily chop my tackle off and be done with it.
so what is considered 'average' for monthly horizontal jogging? i thought most guys could never get enough?
Average is about 5 times per month according to that BBC report. Going by that the missus is short changing me a couple of goes each month 😕
freddyg - have you gone back 7yrs in your discussions?
Did the pregnancy and/or childbirth scar or effect your SO? She might not have said anything OR she might not have even verbalised it herself. Get her to talk about it. There can be less sex post-birth however to go to zero is very unusual. Sometimes the answers are right infront of you and just need the pieces to click. Don't talk about not doing it, go right back talk about the pregnancy and birth.
"Do the two of you have enough time with each other alone, and when neither of you are tired/stressed/drunk?"
Probably the most important question to ask.
