[Closed] Is my sister in law stirring or naieve?

They should be aware of the financial situation tho.

But I dunno. I may have my mind changed on this subject. We don't really know the relationships and attitudes of those involved of course.

My point is we can't afford any holidays. The last break away from home was to my cousins wedding in Harrogate and my mum paid for [b]all of us[/b] to go (including my mum).
I've had to turn down several trips to Wales, mainly because I thought it would be a bit selfish that I can't afford a family holiday, but I could find the money for a biking week in wales. It just wasn't on or far on my OH in my view.
I don't think there's an agenda to her sisters offer and the comment about brother in law being well off was not to say "he can afford it", but just to put my finances into perspective. The nephew I doubt is even bothered about them going tbh. They've been dithering about having a wedding abroad for quite some time and have only recently settled on chosing Vegas.

let them go, hope they have a lovely time.

next time there is a biking trip to wales, you won't have to feel guilty.

you don't have to go to the horrible las vegas wedding, they get a trip away, you get to go biking. win win win.

Dave

quandryman: I'm sorry if I sounded unsympathetic. It's a difficult position you're in. I'm sure it's disappointing for you not to being going with her when a holiday of your own, all together, doesn't seem to be forthcoming. But if your wife wants to go, don't guilt her into not going or going but feeling bad. Take it on the chin, even if it's crap. It doesn't seem like you'll be missing all that much anyway, judging by the comments on here about Vegas weddings.

I can see your perspective about your s-i-l. But otoh, they're doing a lot by even offering to pay for your OH. I don't think she's stirring or naive.

But if your wife wants to go, don't guilt her into not going or going but feeling bad. Take it on the chin

Good advice that.

If you're so strapped that you can't afford a weekend in a tent on your bike, then I'd respectfully suggest that you can't afford for her / them to go to Vegas even with flights / accommodation paid for. What are they going to eat, for a start? That's before you even look at "hey, we're going to a show tonight, are you coming?"

...but I could find the money for a biking week in wales

Im not trying to guilt anyone, Im not going to start shouting at her and say "you can't go, I forbid it".
Im sad that I won't be able to go with my son for his first plane trip and holiday abroad. Im saddened that my OH can't see this either. Yes Im annoyed because I will miss out. I'd actually quite like to see Vegas, but there's also a trip to the Grand Canyon being organinsed by the BIL because he wants to take MY son to see it.
If we went on lots of foreign holidays then it wouldn't matter, but we don't and it does.

Tell them to go, be gracious about it. Take the time that they're away to ride your bike when you like and do some stuff that you wouldn't otherwise get the time to do. Then meet them at the airport with a big bunch of flowers and cook them a nice meal when they get home and listen to how nice/funny/weird the wedding was.

You could come out of this looking like the worlds greatest husband and get out of going to a wedding which is always a good thing.

Cougar - Member
If you're so strapped that you can't afford a weekend in a tent on your bike, then I'd respectfully suggest that you can't afford for her / them to go to Vegas even with flights / accommodation paid for. What are they going to eat, for a start? That's before you even look at "hey, we're going to a show tonight, are you coming?"

Why not do the decent thing and offer to keep your nipper for the week or however long so your missus can have a proper holiday of it?

A'la what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?

from the first post it looks like op can't decide what to do, so why not put it to the fates?
take the money sister in law is offering, put it all on a horse, if it wins (at more than 2/1, obviously) = result, family holiday, if not = result family stay at home holiday.

I have just cleared all my debts and I've no intention of going back there again.

Then you're better off than many. (And I mean that as a compliment, not a pissy comment).

I'll stay at home eating baked beans on toast cleaning my chain.

There's plenty of cheap ways of enjoying yourself. You could still use it as a holiday.

lol @ BBSB
I dunno, feel like a git, but also feel that the cat matters more than I do.

[i]but also feel that the cat matters more than I do. [/i]

we asked the children what the pecking order in our house was.

the result was I was below the cat but, in a face saving (for me) move, I was placed above the Guinea Pig. Result!

You'll work something out - I'd tend to think that your s-i-l thought she was doing her sister a favour by offering to pay for her and maybe thought you wouldn;t go even if you could? She coudl have approached it a bit differently but, in the end, she's offerign cash she doesn't need to to help you out - they may have more than you but it doesn't mean tey couldn;t use the money else where.

are you lot married or just bf/gf? That might make a difference? or maybe SIL just thought you'd be too proud to accept?

If accom is being paid for, vegas is approx £450 return. are you able to scrimp/save/sell a bike to pay for that?

My point is we can't afford any holidays.

As above, can you afford for them to go as described though? If so then I think you should let them go IF they want to. It's natural for sisters to want each other at their kids weddings. Your sister is blood, you aren't so I wouldn't say it's out of order for them to pay for only your partner and child. They get a trip away and you get some free time, sounds good to me.

Surprised at the number of people expecting their travel expenses to a wedding to be paid for! Do you rock up with a petrol receipt and a TravelLodge bill at the UK weddings you attend you tightwads 🙂 If people offer, that's fine. Best mate got married in the Swiss Alps last year and I think they had the right attitude. It was what they wanted that was important for one of the most special times of their lives. They helped a few people out according to circumstances (including me to a small extent). It still cost more than I can afford, but was worth every penny 🙂

Quandryman you might want to have a good look in here.

[img] [/img]

Eh?
<edit> Aaah, looked at the image properties. True.<edit>

We're not married, but have been living together for almost 10 years and a 4.5 yo child. Its not like Im some flash in the pan bloke from a one night stand!

If accom is being paid for, vegas is approx £450 return. are you able to scrimp/save/sell a bike to pay for that?

There's plenty of cheap ways of enjoying yourself

Rubbing baked beans on a chain doesn't do it for me, I have to say.

cant be arsed reading whole threa this but I would treat this as you are not really part of the family so we wont pay for you.
Saying that a las evegas wedding with a small child sounds my idea of hell so i would not be that bothered.
If SO wants to go let her if she is as daft as want to take the child let her

Not a chance in hell! Even if I could, I wouldn't!

Without wishing to put too fine a point on it, you don't want to go [i]that[/i] much. I can imagine a situation where I wanted my brother to be there with me and as a blood relative, would feel it my duty to pay his ticket if he couldn't afford it. However, I might draw the line at paying for my brother's girlfriend as maybe I didn't have that much money and at the end of the day she's someone my brother has chosen to spend his life with, not someone I have. Reading between the lines you want to go to see vegas and visit the GC. This is someones wedding by the way.
Chill out and spend the time out on your bike. elaine anne might have a good bike for sale for a spot of touring.

Personally I think, having a wedding abroad and then expecting people to visit you there without you paying is a cheek. If I have a wedding abroad I'll pay for those I invite, though it won't be many.

Reading between the lines you want to go to see vegas and visit the GC. This is someones wedding by the way.

Its not a wedding its a religious sham if its held in Vegas.

I doubt there will be much religious about the proceedings. Its a temple of mammon, you know

But here's a thought. Have you made your strongly held feelings on the sanctimony of marriage as an institution, public? Perhaps therein may lie your lack of a paid-for invite. Just a thought

Alternativly.

Sell the car, go to Vegas, put the money on red/black which ever sits well with you, hope to **** you win, get pi**ed as a fart at the wedding and tell the family EXACLY what you think of them, come back with profit and buy a new car.

You sure,your BIL not the father of your kid?

Tell them that the flights cost twice as much as they do. Spend the profit in the casino.

I think there are deeper issues which probably shouldn't be discussed on a bike forum unless you want several pages or sarcastic answers. Maybe talk this through with your missus.

Most weddings are religious shams 😉

Im not trying to guilt anyone

I'm sorry, again - I wasn't criticising you. I just meant if your wife wants to go, it might be the more valorous (?) thing to do to not mention your disappointment/misgivings.

It'll be a shame to miss your wean's first plane trip, true. But OTOH, I've been to an overseas wedding and it wasn't like a holiday really - it was a lot of stress and family bickering extended over a week. It doesn't sound like you'll be too sad to miss the wedding itself either!

Chin up, big man! {Punches affectionately on shoulder}

How about...
Your s-i-l doesn't feel flush with cash at all, but wants her sister at the wedding really badly, enough take that not insignificant financial hit. You're further down the list, which is fair enough since you're not blood, and beyond what she thinks she can reasonably afford. Perfectly reasonable.

Wish them all a good time and MTFU.

Naah, I tend to stay off the subject of religion with my family, I'd only upset them!
BIL not my sons father, my son has hair and doen't have a head the shape of Stewie from Family Guy.
I will be talking about this further with my OH, just wanted to gauge whether I was being a selfish git or whether Im right to feel aggrieved. I'd say its 50/50 at the moment.
I suppose I could wee in all her shoes whilst she's away, it should have dried by her return!

Personally I wouldn't want my 4 year old Son being taken half way round the world to somewhere like Vegas so he can go to a cousin's wedding.

I wouldn't want my SIL's husband taking my son to see the grand canyon either.

Tell her your concerned about a 4 year old in vegas and keep the nipper home and do Father / Son stuff for a week. Your son will get more out of that than seeing a big canyon and drunk americans.

If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???!

Doesn't sound like you'd want to go even if you were able to?

Completely disagree with GravitySucks. I think a four year old would get a massive kick out of seeing the bright lights of Vegas. He's not going to get addicted to gambling and women, but he will think he's in a crazy theme park for a week.

Likewise the Grand Canyon. One of my strongest memories of childhood is seeing that and getting a proper sense of your place in the world.

Let them go, take a well earned week off from work and go riding. Maybe have a chat with your SO about your feelings when they get back and you've had time to work it out in your head a bit more.

50/50? Really?

I'm still confused as to how the kid's going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when [i]they have no spare cash.[/i] Getting there is only half of the battle. As I said before, I've been in Vegas on a shoestring budget and it's just bloody depressing.

For the appreciation a 4 year old is going to have, you'd be better off going to Blackpool.

Well im coming round to the idea of letting them get on with it. Sure I'll miss out, on some stuff that I'd like to do, but I'll live.
Obviously I'll be talking about this plenty more with the OH. I just needed to try and see both sides of the debate.
Im not too happy that my BIL is making plans to show my son things like his first flight and the GC, that hould be my job and thats probably my biggest gripe. Obviously he's a better man than me..... 👿
Yes its a lovely gesture, but I don't think its been thought through very well.

Cougar - Member
I'm still confused as to how the kid's going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when they have no spare cash.

Plenty of other firsts left in the world.

Let them go and have some cave man time! my wife and two kids have just been away as I am on contract work at the moment until September and dont know whether it will last longer than that.
Ive been down to Afan (day trip) rode Skyline and been out twice locally as well as vegged out and watched what I want for a change.
Be generous and cool about it and she will love you more!

You're starting to come off as a selfish starfish with chip on your shoulder. Is this a troll? What's with all the troll threads after that best troll thread?

Your son will be starting full-time school in September so your OH will be able to get a job. Sorted...you can all go.