Odd question to ask a group of largely straight forumites but here goes!
I consider myself not in the slightest homophobic. I work and live in a very liberal community with an active LGBT society with lots of gay friends and work colleagues. I genuinely think it is something I am blind to. But last night I was out with a group and a friend of a friend of a friend was there who I found incredibly annoying. I can only describe him as loud 'showy' ultra camp. Every comment was laced with innuendo or 'bitchiness' with exaggerated emotion. Lots of (to me) OTT kissing, arm touching and well, shrieking. It felt like a huge act.
So my question - can you be a died in the wool liberal leftie and still find ultra camp personalities annoying? Can you disassociate sexuality with behaviour and have no issue with one but find the other impossible to get along with? If it helps I also find very baby voiced girly hetro females and testosterone fuelled hetro blokes annoying as hell too.
Secondary question - is it OK to behave in a way that would otherwise be frowned on (in this case the loudness for the location, the rudeness, the touching of strangers) and use a sexuality get out clause to make it ok?
It's entirely up to you what you find annoying. I'm quite open minded about camp behaviour as you describe.
Having said that,......I'm free to shut that door
Yes, it’s fine. Someone is gay because they are gay, how they act is down to their personality regardless of their sexuality.
I thought this was a tent pole thread.
He's an annoying ****, his sexuality is neither here nor there, Hate away!
But last night I was out with a group and a friend of a friend of a friend was there who I found incredibly annoying. I can only describe him as loud ‘showy’. Every comment was laced with innuendo or ‘bitchiness’ with exaggerated emotion. Lots of (to me) OTT kissing, arm touching and well, shrieking. It felt like a huge act.
Removing 2 words probably tells you that OTT behaviour can annoy anyone regardless of who is doing it, I've known plenty of people who can be very OTT and it's nothing to do with sexuality
I would be more worried that I have to come on here to ask if it's OK to dislike him.
An annoying twunt is an annoying twunt.
He’s an annoying ****, his sexuality is neither here nor there, Hate away!
But his personality is clearly directed by the sexuality being portrayed within.
I'll be honest... i'm with the OP on this. I find it downright irritating when taken to the extremes for nothing other than showing off.
But his personality is clearly directed by the sexuality
That's an assumption. If he was hetero he may still be a cock, but we'll never know, will we?.
Alan Carr.
Enough said.
Well I think Louie Spence is the world's most annoying person...
Yes it is - ie, Louie Spence, gay, overly camp super annoying, Jim Parsons (Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory) also gay not annoying in the slightest, Joey Essex, straight not camp, also super annoying.
Sexuality has nothing to do with someone being annoying or not.
But his personality is clearly directed by the sexuality being portrayed within.
I think this is at the root of my conundrum. I know some mildly camp straight friends (they think they are straight, but they might come to their senses one day!) but I am only aware of ultra camp behaviour in homosexuals. So there is a bias in my dislike.
I'm with ye Fuzzywuzzy, an absolute walloper of a guy.
Question maybe should have been "is to okay to find human behaviour annoying?". The answer is yes.
I know gay folk who fund the whole camp thing extremely annoying too.
Louie Spence
Yes, I felt like I had a night out with Louie Spence's less funny alter ego.
He also made some pretty aggressive sexual comments about lads walking past - not to them but to us. "If I got 10 minutes in a darkened room with him I'd make him sore in the morning". If he was a hetro lad saying that about a passing girl I am sure one of us would have pulled him up - why didn't we? Afraid to sound homophobic? Again, why did he feel comfortable talking like that in front of strangers? It's like there is a camp get out of jail free card that it's part of the 'performance' so you can't judge him by conventional standards.
I do very much see where the op is coming from. I would say it's fine to find the person or their personality annoying / irritating, but not ok for that to be because of their sexuality. for example,
'I find that guy annoying because he's got a really grating personality' is fine.
'I find that guy annoying because of his homosexual mannerisms' probably not.
Thinking about it, there's a whole episode of Extras based on this exact situation!!
if you find someone annoying, avoid associating with them, that’s entirely your choice, if their behaviour seems ‘fake’ to you then it’s probably best for all concerned if you stay away from them ime.
their gender/sexual orientation is, tbh, irrelevant.
Sexuality has nothing to do with someone being annoying or not.
If their being camp is what is annoying you and their being camp is dependent on their sexuality then there is a link i.e. their sexuality does have something to do with their being annoying. I suppose the question is, why are some gay people camp, and more importantly, why are some gay people so annoyingly over-the-top camp. My money is on cultural. There are a very few camp heterosexuals, of course. I doubt you'll find an answer here.
I know gay folk who fund the whole camp thing extremely annoying too.
Look, someone needs to pay for all that glitter. 😉
RM.
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</p><p></p><p>Yup me too, the phrase "I hate poofs" was used by one guy who could comfortably be described as camp (but always was) which was rather amusing.</p><p></p><p>I know exactly the sort of person the OP is talking about, just about threw one out my window* at a party as he was an obnoxius **** and was just winding everyone up. Sadly had I known the general, nay universal, feeling towards him I probably would have.</p><p></p><p>As said, if it was a guy making similar remarks about a woman they would be pulled up, don't see why anyone else should get a free pass.</p><p></p><p>*albeit basement flat</p>I know gay folk who fund the whole camp thing extremely annoying too.
I have exactly the same response to the same groups of people.
It's not about sexuality - it's about the 'attention-seeking' nature of their behaviour.
I don't like overt attention-seeking or needy personalities.
As said, if it was a guy making similar remarks about a woman they would be pulled up
The most lecherous person I know, by quite some stretch, is gay and female
I've got a lot of gay mates. None of them are camp. In fact one in particular is as hard as nails. They're often quite vociferous in their frustration at the way gay 'culture' is pretty much exclusively represented. i.e.: a gang of queens screeching while watching Eurovision
If it helps I also find very baby voiced girly hetro females and testosterone fuelled hetro blokes annoying as hell too.
So it's annoying people you find annoying, nothing to do with sexuality.
Many people will, consciously or subconsciously, mirror the way society represents the group they identify with.
If you have a society where gender roles are extremely polarised, then those who feel they don't fit in are more likely to be drawn to the 'other' no matter how that is portrayed.
Gay men were often portrayed as camp in the media, if portrayed at all, when I was growing up. No surprise that people were influenced by that. In contrast, things then seemed to shift to a hyper macho type of portrayal.
My Auntie Martha lived with her partner for over 50 years. Aunt Helen always wore trousers, neat short hair etc. She never liked wearing skirts and never used make up - always said that even as a child in the war she was always getting mistaken for a boy and she was quite ok with that.
It's no surprise that people are influenced by their experiences and the way they feel represented in society.
Put on or fake behaviour is annoying irrespective of gender or sexuality.
I worked in a gay bar at uni and loads of the gay guys, and girls, thought the ultra camp lot were annoying as hell.
Annoyingly over the top behavior for effect is exactly that, annoying. Some people like it for the novelty but then some people like M<span style="font-size: 0.8rem;">rs Brown's boys so what do I know.</span>
I wouldn't tackle it, I'd just ignore it. It's just attention seeking behaviour. The best response to a prepared camp barb is always:
sorry old chap, I wasn't listening to you what did you say again?
*barb repeated*
Well, there we are. (polite smile - start up convo with the person next to you)
OP ..
I found your forum name more than a little amusing for someone who clearly hasn't been !
Camp / Gay ..whatever ..like others have said an annoying **** is an annoying **** ..Im assuming you didn't feel comfortable enough to ask him to tone it down ..
Theres a gentleman at work, gay. Camp as a row of tents, annoying as hell, but i think he'd be annoying even if he wasn't camp.
Sexuality isn't the issue, it's being an annoying ****.
He also uses being gay as a way to get on in the company. A few folk have been "talked to" by HR about diversity regarding comments made, which had nothing to do with him being gay, but he turned it into a homophobia thing. He's tried to get people the sack because he thought they were telling him how to do his job, he turned that into a crusade.
having sex with a person of the same sex doesn't preclude you from being a tit of the highest order
It's got little to do with his sexuality or gender, he is just being an attention seeking ****.
LBC has a radio presenter named Steve Allen, he can be quite good but he resorts to periods of non-stop bitching about celebrities, which sometimes is justified but in other cases isn't because the person targetted clearly has some talent, and it gets annoying and pathetic.
And then he spouts other stuff which clearly mark him out as an idiot, like saying that 'recycling isn't for everyone, and it's not for me' as if it's a badge of honour. Just a pathetic looser.
One evening on the last train home there was a guy like this walking up and down the carriage as if he was on 'Waterloo's Next Model' waiting for the judges to appear, but spouting out loudly various 'me, me, me' type comments to everyone who didn't want to hear.
In the end a guy asked him to shut-up, at which point he stalked off to the guard and complained of harrasment, and so the guard asked the person that asked him to shut-up to leave the train, with his friend that he was sitting next to.
I still regret not getting up and defending them to the guard, especially as that was the last train home at 1.05am.
Im assuming you didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask him to tone it down ..
No I didn't. And this is what annoys me - this thread is more about my reaction than it is about him. About somehow I've become conditioned to feel I have no right to challenge that because to do so would be wrong. That as a straight man I can't expect to understand and to even think he's annoying somehow makes me homophobic.
I am annoyed with myself that I didn't challenge him about the sexual comments made as I'm sure I would have done if he was talking about a woman. Always slightly awkward having a go at someone who is effectively a stranger to you when a common acquaintance is with you but he was beyond the point where that would have stopped me if he was straight.
I suppose there is also an element of my ignorance. Is ultra camp behaviour always an affectation? Is it just playing to a stereotype of the lustful bitchy queen? Or is it learned behaviour? I guess you could get to the point where you have lived in the persona so long you have adopted it completely.
edit - Simon_Semtex - thanks, looks interesting.
Just a pathetic looser.
Would you like him if he was tighter?
Is it OK to find camp behaviour a bit annoying?
No it's not OK. You should find it ****ing annoying, not a bit annoying.
Just a pathetic looser.
probably 🙂
Most of the time he is excellent - see the vid below - but sometimes he just goes off on an 'over-emphasis' of his campness, possibly thinking that it is funny, but it just comes over as narcissistic 'me, me, me' which is what makes it unnattractive.
Same with Louie Spence, seems to over-do it all for effect.
However, I was dissappointed seeing Louie on that cycling program as he came over as quite pathetic, I was expecting him to ace it and was dissappointed.
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</p><p></p><p>Why didn't you??</p>I still regret not getting up and defending them to the guard, especially as that was the last train home at 1.05am.
Some people are dicks. It has nothing to do with what they do with their genitals.
I am annoyed with myself that I didn’t challenge him about the sexual comments made as I’m sure I would have done if he was talking about a woman.
It's very easy to look back on a situation and go "what I should have done is...", especially if it's something which takes you by surprise. You can't change what happened though, all you can really do is learn from it and be prepared for next time.
I agree with the general sentiment of the thread. The guy just has a personality that you find annoying. He sounds like a bit of a dick.
I'd say, like many others, yes it is. Mainly as you're not finding him annoying as he's gay, you're finding him annoying because of his personality and mannerisms. Gay or straight, some people are just plain annoying, and that's OK.
Why didn’t you??
I don't think anyone expected the guard to leave them off the train as he stepped back on and the doors closed - there were some comments from other people on the train.
Going off on a slight tangent ..but taking the title of the thread as written I do find camp behaviour in general annoying ..and I'm sure that's not confined to just myself ..
The recent MoneySuperMarket tv advertising campaigns for example piss me off so much that I would never use their services...
Yep, sometimes it's just general attention seeking, I've a friend who's not camp at all but after a few drinks has to be the center of attention, being very loud, interrupting etc. It gets quite tiresome.
Some people are quite annoying, especially those on forums asking if its ok for them to be annoyed at somebody they find quite annoying.
Next time i meet a camp guy ill ask them if they find normal speaking people annoying.
So Project........
Are you saying being Camp isn't "Normal?"
