[Closed] If your bird was having a fling.......

Run away and have some Chamomile tea.

I believe he said he has fairly conclusive evidence (emails or whatever). Of course it could be claimed it was fabricated....

You can't assume you'll get a rational reaction, that she's definitely going to go "thanks for telling me," it could very well blow up in your face.

Or..... 😀

Years ago, I discovered that a long-term girlfriend had had a series of "concurrent" relationships, found out quite by chance when I discovered the evidence. Included in this were 2 tele numbers.

I dithered for a couple of days, then phoned the first number. This turned out to be a bloke who'd dumped her a year or so before, while I was still with her. He was gutted, utterly gutted, even though it had been a while. He even rang later that evening for a further (drunken) chat with me. Seemed like a nice bloke.

I almost rang the second number many times over the next few days....but didn't. I was a bit chastened by the first call, and had the realisation that I really didn't know the mental state of the chap I was about to call.

Would he jump from a bridge? Would he murder her in a rage? Maybe fanciful, but I've heard of things like this happening, as we all have, so elected not to.

I got shot of her quickly, after a confrontation where she denied everything (of course). I have a feeling she may have married suitor number 2, but don't know for sure.

Anyway, my advice is to say nothing.

Really? You describe an entire human interaction in one small cliche?

I could speculate on the emotions behind his actions but that would only ever be my interpretation and is unlikely to be anything approaching accurate. I imagine that the wife would ask her husband what his motivations were assuming that she wants to confront him, but that would be her decision.

Or..... 😀

That's a point. Has nobody asked whether the wife's a looker. 😉

Has nobody asked whether the wife's a looker.

You can't assume you'll get a rational reaction, that she's definitely going to go "thanks for telling me,"

DO you compulsively lie all the time and never ever tell the truth etc

There is clearly the need for tact in life [ though not stw /the internet] but that is not really what we are discussing here is it

It is a fair point though that we all 'lie by omission' all the time. Obviously it's usually about much less important things but it's not black and white.

The facts would be that her husband has been sleeping with another woman. Nothing more than that.

Seb Coe levels of naivety!

Plot twist - the wife was in on the action too? 😉

Another voice who says the married man's situation is none of your business, no contacting his wife. Deal with your own situation and move on. Good luck.

Has anyone mentioned any of the following as yet?
Bombers
Back doors
Flash grenades
Slat/hoof interface
Child's face
Baby robin

If not, I may compose a more meaningful response.

😆

Different story if you're bestie buddies,

not necessarily 🙁 still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me...

in my experience best to leave it to the couple concerned & with a reference to the gf, block, blank, delete & move on

not necessarily still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me...

Yeah I'm not sure there are often any winners in this kind of scenario sadly.

That Kant sounds like a right ****. 🙂

Telling the truth when asked is one thing, telling tales just cos you've had your nose put out is another thing.

Are we supposed to go round informing on every little (or large) indiscretion we see?

Should I report ever phone using driver I see, Report everyone speeding (better dob myself in cos I break the speed limit every time I ride a motorbike or drive my car.

RLJs look out .....

.

Are we supposed to go round informing on every little (or large) indiscretion we see?

Where's the line drawn though? You may not report a RLJer but would you report them if they knocked a little old lady over?

Has anyone picked up on the fact there are children involved?

Tell the wife, and definite fallout for the kids.

Don't tell and there's a small chance he'll have his fling, patch things up and they'll not get the devastation. Threatening to tell, to encourage this may even help. Dobbing him in definitely won't.

It's not a clear-cut moral duty to get involved. I'd suggest ditching the "bird" and leaving them to sort their own mess out.

OP - the way i see it is you have a few options:
option 1 - you can be very direct and got the the blokes wife and say "your husbands shagging my bird, and i have proof, and you might want to get yourself checked out, then cut his nuts off"
option 2 - you can do the above anonymously and not state she is your bird
option 3 - get yourself on the Jeremy Kyle show
option 4 - you can confront the bloke and tell him you want a new bike in return for your silence
option 5 - walk away with your head held high and chalk it down to experience
option 6 - shag his wife
option 7 - hoofing slats, weeing in shoes and shitting on faces...him, her or both

your choice of action all depends on your moral compass and your need for vengeance...

Don't tell the husbands wife just post on Facebook that your ex has been having an affair with a married man from a couple a you. It will soon spread like wild fire as all your female friends start water boarding their husbands to see if it is them.

Deontology (Kantian Logic) focuses on the rightness or wrongness of the actions themselves, rather than the consequences that arises from those actions. for the ethics around consequences, unsurprisingly you need to be reading about...(big reveal)

Consequentialism. which can be sort of summed up most commonly by "The ends justify the means" and we're back, via Mozi and Demosthenes, to John Stuart Milnes and Jeremy Bentham and the Utilitarian movement

Love a good Ethical dilemma

Brilliant. Only on STW....

Gonzy has it in the following order:
Option 4,6,2,3,1,7,5.
Sort of.
RM.

I say tell her, as mentioned before she might be a looker and up for some revenge action!!! 🙂

No it isn't. My argument is that they may not want to know, and even if they do they may in fact be better off knowing. And that it is not for a complete stranger to decide for them.

The other person deciding horse as well and truly bolted when her husband was found out having an affair with someone else "bird". TBH, harsh though it is, I think we all know that our partner having an affair would alter the relationship. IME i have yet to meet a person who would prefer to live in ignorance of this fact though I am sure there are some. I dont think the wedding vows are likely to change form forsaking all others to not telling me about all the others

not necessarily still not on great terms after telling my then best mate that his then fiancee had propositioned me...

It is a fair point though that we all 'lie by omission' all the time. Obviously it's usually about much less important things but it's not black and white.

Don't tell and there's a small chance he'll have his fling, patch things up and they'll not get the devastation. Threatening to tell, to encourage this may even help. Dobbing him in definitely won't.

Gonzy has it in the following order:
Option 4,6,2,3,1,7,5.

thanks for fixing it for me RM....
thats option 8 (do all of the above in your suggested order) 😆

Call your ex out on FB, stating shes a bitch for having an affair with a married man. The wife will see it if they're FB friends and put 2 & 2 together, probably.

Don't need to mention any names or actually tell the wife directly, let nature take it course.

Hi from Belgium 🙂
Option 4 all the way : best compromise !

i have yet to meet a person who would prefer to live in ignorance

You've yet to meet a person who believes that they'd prefer to live in ignorance. Yet what if not knowing = blissfully unaware and happy with their lot, whereas knowing = life suddenly fallen apart, divorce, custody battles, etc. I'm sure that most people if asked would prefer to know; but are they better off for knowing?

(Speaking hypothetically, so we're clear. I still think the answer to the moral dilemma is whether the affected party is a friend or a complete stranger.)

I'm sure that most people if asked would prefer to know; but are they better off for knowing?

One may live a very happy lie but one is still living a lie

IMHO no one really wants to spend their live betrothed to an adulterer/ complete liar/deceiver. Even the perpetrator knows this hence why they keep it secret.

I think the being involved in it alters it form friend to stranger but yes there will be a cut off point at which we go Mleh to the news

The other person deciding horse as well and truly bolted when her husband was found out having an affair with someone else "bird".

Obviously it didn't since the op has not decided to tell anyone yet.

"Living a lie " - what does that actually mean, and who decides for someone else if they should do so or not?

Human relationships are complex and may have different geometries. Trying to judge them all according to some soap opera set of "morals" will not end well.

He is not a complete stranger in the sense his "bird" is having an affair with her husband but I have worded that poorly.

As for live a lie - really you need that explaining to you?
You live a lie when they no longer hold the vows you took sacred and keep this from you, this really did not need explaining.
Most folk would act differently if they knew their partner was unfaithful
Most folk would want to know

To insinuate that those who disagree with you have soap opera morals is a weak ad hom.

IMHO no one really wants to spend their live betrothed to an adulterer/ complete liar/deceiver.

Aren't there stats suggesting that around 50% of people are unfaithful at some point? I think there must be quite a few people who've found out and decided to still live their lives betrothed to an adulterer. Whether those people are suckers or what who knows.

I used to be very black and white and moralistic on this issue and my opinion has mellowed somewhat (and no I didn't if that's what you're thinking). I think it's the deception/trust bit that's the key though.

retreat to a safe distance, if you found out i'm sure the wife will. Sit back and watch it all blow up in their faces, you walk away, karma intact.

I'm sure if it was me I wouldn't be that calm, you could always tell the "bird" that you are going to tell his wife, watch the pair of them sweat for a bit.

It was the first time I'd seen "soap opera morals" and it made me smile.

I admire people who are prepared to put pragmatism before morals if the world is a better place for it. Singing a royalist anthem even if you are a republican for example:

One couple I know lived in the same house for five years after their divorce bringing up their kids very well (the husband was serial adulterer which provoked the divorce)

I also know couples that have split due to infidelity and the kids have suffered.

And couples that have split and brought their kids up well.

There are no hard and fast rules, I wouldn't want to be the one who rocked the boat if it subsequently sank.

I recall watching Phoenix Nights and seeing a man frantically scrubbing graffiti off a wall that said something along the lines of 'JOHN SMITH S*****D MY WIFE'

Although you would have to replace WIFE with BIRD clearly

Outofbreath- you must be the only other person I know of who's seen 'Mr Jolly Lives Nextdoor'.
Nice quote.

'JOHN SMITH STUFFED MY [s]WIFE[/s] BIRD'

[img] [/img]

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[b]JY[/b]you are being a bit of a moral absolutist here. I get to talk to people in this situation, have been in this situation myself, and know that infidelity is not only not always a deal breaker, sometimes it can lead to positive changes in a marriage. Often not.

Most marriages are touched by infidelity. To view it as an marriage extinction level event, and encourage strangers to get their pitchforks ready, rather than being a painful point in a relationship, which might be better handled in private, is to make a judgement of a complex situation you may not actually understand.

[quote=Junkyard ]Most folk would want to knowUnless you can back that up with some statistics, it remains an assertion.

I know of couples who've had long and happy marriages despite one of the partners having a brief fling some time in the past. Given how many marriages break up these days, I reckon quite a few would he happy for that trade-off.

I have not said they would all end the marriage i am saying the majority would want to know the partner was cheating/the truth.

Yes scots its an assertion that most folk want fidelity and the truth from their partners. Please forgive this wild stab in the dark [ which is what caused all the problems in the first place].

Most marriages are touched by infidelity

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If the OP lives in Inverness his Bird would be having A Highland Fling !

[b]JY[/b] 42% of marriages end in divorce, and then there are the marriages where infidelity does not end marriage. Do the Mathis....

Fact remains you and others are judging what is good for people in a relationship of which you know very little other than the reports of a spurned lover.

Most marriages are touched by infidelity. To view it as an marriage extinction level event,

I'd take her back, but she's definitely now getting any pudding for a while.

If the OP lives in Inverness his Bird would be having A Highland Fling !

Add in this;

[img] [/img]

and this

[img] [/img]

and it would be a highland fling a ling a ding dong!