[Closed] Ideas for a best-seller to cover all bases

I'm nicking that storyline... 😀

Man-eating sexually predatory slugs.

I forgot to mention that my concept is a tragi-comedic-action-dark-comicstrip-period-scifi film...

It's going to be set in space, on a planet that consists entirely of Tudor manor houses and has loads of nosy neighbours for sub-plots etc.

is the ninja/horse/childhood sweetheart an orphan/have a terminal illness/very artistic?

Yes to all of the above!

Read some James Kelman if you want to know what original fiction is.

If you just want to make money read that other hero Jeffrey Archer.

The Discovery Channel ran a programme a while ago called "Nazi UFO Conspiracy".....seems to cover all the bases

Ohh, and graphic sex and lots of it.

Jasper Fforde's got some pretty crazy ideas going on in his noggin, that's for sure.

By the way, OP, you missed out a gay, muslim fundamentalist swan.

Martial arts/crime/sci-fi/police thriller

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0267804/

Martial arts/gaming/comic/musical/romantic comedy

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0446029/

susan sarandon

Okay, here's the new version:

Emotionally sensitive but misunderstood ninja hero gently strokes a gay horse's mane before kicking man-eating sexually predatory slug butt and reacting with tenderness to the needs of his sensitive and misunderstood childhood sweetheart, who's brilliant artistry is tempered by depression resulting from her orphan background and her night job as a whisky swilling cop. The ninja has graphic sex with his horse, before falling desperately in love with a muslim fundamentalist swan. He buys flowers for his childhood sweetheart (played by Susan Sarandon) and they all live happily ever after... except for the gay horse.

'av it, Rowling!

http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsexpassages.html

can one of the neighbours be a vampire in training to be a wizard who keeps weirwolves as pets?

ideally it needs 'diary' in the books title. (bridget jones, anne frank, adrian mole... all very popular)

Needs more paedophile I think. And where's the love carrying on beyond death? Happy endings are so cliche, someone needs to die.

can the gay horse be a cyborg sent back from the future please?

edit : and be into 29er single speed fixies

I really feel as if we're getting somewhere here:

In fact, I'd dare to suggest a provisional title

Title:

Diary of an Emotionally Sensitive Ninja and his Gay Cyborg Horse from the Future

Sub-title

Because love carries on beyond death

Front cover sticker:

With added vampires, swans, man-eating sexually predatory slugs and Susan Sarandon

I quite like the idea of a story about a bearded man what wears sandals, who is descended from a higher being and goes around performing miracles and stuff.

you need a crashing spaceship spewing out burning ostriches as the cover picture.

really kevin bacon should be in it as well

cameo from kevin bacon as the bearded man perhaps who comes to the planet to spread the religion of rock pop dance?

Sodajim - Member
really kevin bacon should be in it as well

But only if he is invisible. Obviously.

really kevin bacon should be in it as well

Cleverly, the invisible life-force of Kevin Bacon [i]is[/i] the gay horse.

The gay horse wears sandals. He tries to spread the word of peace, but because he's a horse all anyone hears is 'hmmmmmpf' and presumes he's bipolar.

So it's kind of ironic, too.

I'm not sure on the believability of a horse wearing sandals. How can the reader relate?

can it come with a paper sleeve type cover with the title 'how to cope with having an epic penis and awesome personality'

guaranteed sales.

Horses wear shoes, everyone knows that.

I'm thinking we're missing out on the Russian demographic. Can we introduce 5 new characters every page, all with unpronounceable, yet very similar names?

can it come with a paper sleeve type cover with the title 'how to cope with having an epic penis and awesome personality'

guaranteed sales.

Excellent idea - for the adult male version

The sleeve for the adult female version would emphasise love beating death - title wanted

The boys' version would stress ninjas kicking the butts of man-eating sexually predatory slugs

The girls' version would hint at horse's manes (but not gay horses)

The yunki version would stress Susan Sarandon

female version:

'OMGZ!!! diary of an insecure and chubby girl who meets the man of her dreams whilst having amazingly funny adventures with her shocking girlfriends!'

(non threatening see)

you cant stress susan sarandon, she doesnt handle it well 🙁

you cant stress susan sarandon, she doesnt handle it well

So how am I going to sell my book to Yunki?

Whatever you do, please don't steal my idea about a Norwegian troll hunter.

I think one of the charcters should pretend to have been seriously abused as a youngster, write a book about it then be exposed as a fraud.
I think it should be the slug, which although I find easy to identify with is lacking a certain something.

[i]the slug, which although I find easy to identify with is lacking a certain something[/i]

a shell?

Would you find a snail more believeable?

I think the slug should have self image issues - disgusted by it's own slime perhaps, before being saved by Scientology.

I'm just struggling a little with it's motivation, tbh.
I'd like to see Sara Jessica Parker and Eric Pickles in the TV spin off.

Self image issues I like, but not - I venture - for the slug. After all, it's a sexual predator and therefore one of the bad guys.

So, the ninja has self image issues. He can't reconcile his ninja self with his romantic self and his gay horse loving self. He starts to despise everything.

Perhaps it's at this juncture that we could introduce the burning ostriches in the spaceship. Let's face it, he's going to need something to overcome his self image issues. And there's nothing like burning ostriches for doing that.

Thanks, guys, I really feel like we're on to something here.

Can we add some kinda universal situation to allow all the characters to have a common enemy? I was going to suggest a war or imminent danger in the form of the 8 plagues of the sea dwelling overlords... But we need to keep it romantic so I've come up with an all together more sensible option....

It's called the 'real love doesn't pass wind' dilema... Anyone who is loved cannot burp or fart and expand until they burst, so all the characters know by falling in love they will kill the one they love... Celebrities and good parents don't last long thus creating an interesting social and cultural dynamic you could explore.

to appeal to the huge 'chick-lit' market it needs more chocolate and heart-to-heart girlie chats!

There aren't enough cowboys in this for my liking. Or robots. And not a single secret underground lair in sight. Really, you're just not trying.

Though, you do have a cyborg, I guess that sorta ticks the 'robot' box.

Underground lair where a team of underground hippies give loved people slow punctures.

Broken childhood books seem to be all the rage, so some endearing memoirs of brutality by god fearing Nuns in a laundry should appeal.

camo16 = John Crace

i'm expecting the first chapter to be posted in this thread at some point today.... 8)

http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsexpassages.html

Bad sex passages eh? Sounds like my teens.