I am aware this might be contentious
It's bollox. 😐
It's not bollox. Pretty rude thing to say really.
cinnamon_girl, why do you think its bollox ?
It could be bollox, if the situation was beyond repair, but it is true that people give up too easily....because they can! Our Parents didn't give up easily as there was stigma attached, as well as financial difficulties involved that have changed in recent times.
Having gone through this situation and out the other side, I am qualified to comment. I wonder how many other contributors have?
My advice would be to talk together, and with people who can help.
Don't run off and have an affair like I did...
So if your life feels crap for a bit
Exactly how do you define this? How crap does it need to be? And for how long? I don't imagine that anyone takes divorce lightly and the decision to end my marriage of a few decades was not taken lightly.
I am pleased that times have moved on and people don't need to stay together. Many of us can look at our parents' marriages and can work out whether that's what we want or not dependent on the state of said marriage.
People evolve, some find themselves, others don't. Some paths diverge quickly, others long term.
Let's not forget that the over 50's (of which I am one) has the fastest growing divorce rate. Why do you think that is?
Let's not forget that the over 50's (of which I am one) has the fastest growing divorce rate. Why do you think that is?
Is it because you're old and grumpy? 😆
Let's not forget that the over 50's (of which I am one) has the fastest growing divorce rate. Why do you think that is?
Wrinkly genitalia? Traded in for a smoother model?
Let's not forget that the over 50's (of which I am one) has the fastest growing divorce rate. Why do you think that is?
Personally I think its because people are far more selfish than they used to be.
Exactly how do you define this? How crap does it need to be? And for how long? I don't imagine that anyone takes divorce lightly and the decision to end my marriage of a few decades was not taken lightly.
I don't know how long, but longer than a lot of people try.
Don't get me wrong if your in an abusive relationship then I think the other person forfeits any rights they
The idea when you get married is that you can build a life together plan for the future etc etc. If you can't rely on that what can you rely on?
For every one person who is happy "escaping" a marriage there is often another party battered wondering WTF just happened. So my take on it is if you don't like the rules don't join the club !!
So I take it you would never get married again then cinnamon_girl?
😀 @crikey
Just because its crap now does not mean it will be [s]crap[/s] better tomorrow.
It all depends people change, they become different people , they want different things
With my [ ex] wife she changed. She would argue i never grew up and I would argue she become unrecognisable and transformed into another person. It may be bit of both...thing is put us together today and we would not be mates never mind married. No amount of trying can make you like someone you just dont get on with
People give up too easily divorce should be the very very last resort not the first.
Clinging to this notion and hoping irrationally that it would get better and that you took the rough with the smooth led to the last few years being far worse and acrimonious than they needed to be and have harmed or post divorce [ got kids] relationship.
Reality is we just dont like each other and no amount of wishing is/was going to change that
It depends on the people tbh you cannot make sweeping statements that they dont try or it will get better. It could be either - work hard or cut your losses- STW does love black and white answers mind to every scenario
I had a lengthy separation from MrsD, who I've now been back with for a few years.
The only thing I'd chip in with is about Relate. The counsellor you see first time around may, or may not, be any good. We saw one guy for a year before I walked out. It wasn't his fault, but he allowed my wife to run rings around him, alienated me and certainly did nothing for the relationship.
When we were experimenting with getting back together, we saw a different guy (not through Relate) who was much, much better. He called bullsh*t on a lot of things my wife told him, and was far better at getting into her head. I strongly suspect if we had seen the right counsellor in the first place we could have made better progress.
It's very hard to have a sane conversation with someone about whether the horrendous marriage counselling session you just endured was horrendous because you hate one another or because the counsellor is a pillock, but it's one to bear somewhat in mind.
🙂
The idea when you get married is that you can build a life together plan for the future etc etc. [b]If you can't rely on that what can you rely on?[/b]
You are definitely going to die. And when you are dead you will definitely be dead forever.
Does that help? 🙂
+1 to Junkyard and sweeping statements, I will contest that I am being quite sweeping and that its not going to be 100% for all.
+1 to BigDummy and needing to get the right counselor, if you get the wrong one it can be damaging instead of helpful.
<hug> to cinnamon_girl as I don't know your circumstances and its churlish of me to think I know better than you in your own life !!!
Is it because you're old and grumpy?
Not all all crikey! I am, however, a bit of an awkward cah. 😀
Personally I think its because people are far more selfish than they used to be.
I disagree and feel that it's cos times have moved on and there's no shame in admitting that it didn't work/wanted different things etc etc.
The idea when you get married is that you can build a life together plan for the future etc etc. If you can't rely on that what can you rely on?
Many of us are guilty of naivety. Nobody knows what the future holds. As I said before, we're continually evolving.
So I take it you would never get married again then cinnamon_girl?
Correct. Me and my bikes are happy as we are. Funnily enough, my friends who are a similar age have also questioned the state of their marriages and, in one case, just puts on a facade.
Times have changed for women.
🙂
I disagree and feel that it's cos times have moved on and there's no shame in admitting that it didn't work/wanted different things etc etc.
I think that's true and in many cases a good thing but I think there's also now a bit of a 'me, me, me' culture of entitlement, where people think they deserve to be 100% happy all the time - and where people are constantly yearning for an imaginary perfect life.
Not saying this applies to you or in every case, obviously.
I also believe that not everyone is cut out for cohabiting.
I agree with CG that people do change - massively in my case.
The fact my ex stated "I'm not the young girl you fell in love with anymore" was obvious. I didn't like who she had become.
Her values, wants, needs, etc had changed hugely and there was never going to be a way I could meet them.
Add a BFE that lavished her with attention - I was in a losing battle.
We are better friends now than ever and my girls are far happier without all the crap that goes with two people that can't be around each other.
You have to do what is right for you - NOT anyone else.
How do you know when enough is enough in a marriage?
When your world-famous husband blurts out to the world that he got his herpes from oral sex.
Evidently, not with your world-famous self... 😆
[i]Hora it's not 'just' about sex y'know? [/i]
Spot the woman posting...
