[Closed] Help needed! Getting out of the friend zone!

Good luck fella.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but you owe it to both of you to find out.

Don't get yourself worked up thinking that you've got to say something when you see her, just have a nice time.

Then when you're having a laugh and it's all fun just look at her and tell her you think she's beautful, amazing, wonderful, whatever and always have.

You'll know from her response immediately if it's game on or not.

@weellwellwell - good luck

One final thought from me is that choosing the right partner is one of, if not the most important decisions you'll ever make, IMO it's actually worth risking the friendship for.

TANNOY Houns to the forum /TANNOY

It can happen, lots of contact time will be needed though.

My view is the friendship will never be the same after you ask her, it will either be a relationship or an awkward friendship. I still think you should go for it though, its right to get your feelings on the table as otherwise, if you're hiding them from her, it's not a proper friendship is it?

Good luck, I hope you nail it so to speak.

I used to work with a girl I was good friends with. We went out drinking together, had a lot of mutual friends, had a great laugh. After a bit of dutch courage I made my feelings clear.....

We've been together 10 years and married for 4 of those.

Just to add a bit of balance.

Well this topic may have to e put on hold, due to the bad weather her train has been cancelled..... So wont be able to make it.

It's been rescheduled for next Monday. So now have to spend a week waiting again after having spent two weeks waiting when I chickened out last time!

At least next Monday winter wonderland will be open so I can take her there for some ice skating

does she think you are her gay manfriend?

This.

If she wanted some action you would have known about it a long time ago.

You are the non threatening gay(ish) friend.

This...

Regardless of anything else - it is better to regret the things you have done rather than the things you have not done.

Do it. Take your nads in both hands and jump. This is one of those situations.

Rohyppuccino

Or as Hora says above, you can spend your life wondering what if

Do it

ice skating

You are the non threatening gay(ish) friend

😉

[img] [/img]

As with most things, you're better off knowing. If you don't you'll regret it and quite possibly at some point you'll get pissed and try to jump her.

It's been rescheduled for next Monday. So now have to spend a week [s]waiting[/s] fwapping furiously.

There are loads of other girls / women out there.

My advice would be to lose the fixation on this one and get yourself out there. Peversely this will also make you far more attractive to her as well. Win win.

You're acting like the gay best friend who's "always there for her" and being treated like one.

[i]I'm scared of the rejection....[/i]

Try not to fear losing what you don't have.

As others have said. Life's for living.

And as for rejection ?. IME, it usually comes packaged in one of the smallest words in our language. "[i]no[/i]"

Teach yourself not to fear the word "no". Respect it, but don't fear it.
Once you get your noodle around that, you'll become the biggest PITA at your LBS when you ask for discount on everything. Delightfully immune to the rejection of "no".
😉

HTH !.

There doesn't seem to be much of a females perspective in this thread! So I will give you my two pennies worth...

I would say go for it. I've been in situations where friends have said they want more than friendship a few times. Once I went for it, it didn't work out after a few months so we went back to being good, maybe ever closer, friends after a while. Other times I've not wanted more - but, being honest I had probably known the guy wanted more - and it has never ruined the friendship in the long term. A bit of awkwardness for a few weeks then back to normal.

Hey Alpine Girl...

Fancy meeting up for a drink sometime?

(See wellwellwell, if Alpine Girl says yes then fantastic but if she says no the world hasn't ended. Is as simple as that)

What I see is that, sadly, some things never change ^^^.

Pity, this place could probably benefit from having a few more of the female lurkers contribute on some threads.

Carry On !.
😉

I had a similar situation, good friends with a girl for 10 years, i liked her i thought she liked me, lived a long way apart so did not see each other often but got on brill when we did. Got married 13.5 yrs ago, took a bit of getting there but worth it. Were best friends before we went out and knew a lot about each other. You could suggest it may be worth a try with each other adn see where it goes.
I think knowing someone well before is no bad thing, i hear how some of my other friends struggle with new partners, trying to find out if they like them, what they are really like etc after meeting someone when out drunk and then spening months trying to impress and find out the real side of that person whilst the other one does the same. Not saying either is better but can save a load of hassle and games knowing them first

Solo, it was simply an example that the worst thing that a Woman can say is no.

Finer advice you will never get:

Cut the BS and tell her how you feel. She can only say yay or nay. Don't leave it too late in the evening because you'll only end up spending hours look for a sign or formulating how and when to say it .. get the jitters ... and arrive back home having achieved nothing.

I was in the same position a few years ago. She and I had been close mates for about 7 years, were like a couple (without the physical side naturally), and were calling/texting each other pretty much every day. I even showed some of her texts to some of my (girl) friends and they categorically agreed she was up for it. One night we met for dinner for the umpteenth time and I told her how I felt ... she said she'd known for a long time and that it was cool ... but she didn't want to lose what we had. Fair enough I thought. Ended up crashing back at her place and carrying on like nothing had happened.

Was for the best TBH as I know it would not have worked. Had she said yes then I'm pretty sure it would have been short-lived and the dynamic would have changed for the worse.

ATEOTD, if you don't ask you sometimes don't get.

On a similar note to Alpine Girl's, once I did try to push a friendship a little further. Didn't happen, we're still mates, she's married and I'm in a very good relationship.

OP.. I was in your position 5 years ago.. I met up with a girl at Christmas time who I'd been good friends with for 25 years.. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary in Aug and we're very happy. Being friends is certainly no barrier to love and happiness but you'll never know unless one of you makes the move.

Jeff

been best friends with a girl from school for 30 years, usual stuff, getting pissed, mad flirting, filthy texts etc.
then one day she asked if i wanted to be more than friends, admitted that she has fancied me for the last 3 decades.
i said no, because im married and im not a cheat.
hasnt affected our friendship in the slightest.
my advice, ask.

One of the main problems there has been is that we have never lived within 100 miles of each other since leaving school.

I'm going to go for it, just need to MTFU when we organise take 2, either next Monday or over the weekend if she is free.

[i]usual stuff, getting pissed, mad flirting, filthy texts etc.[/i]

[i]im married and im not a cheat.[/i]

😯

[i]I'm going to go for it, just need to MTFU[/i]

Do you actually have to ask her anything ?.

Can't you just tell her what you feel and what you think ?. The lady will then have the chance to tell you her feelings, thoughts, etc, etc.

EDIT:
BTW, I'm glad you're decided and that you will see if there's any chance of taking things in another direction.

If it works out, [b]imE[/b], you'll have the best of both worlds in that your lover/wife will also be your best friend.

Good luck.
🙂

@OP man up and tell her how you feel and leave it at that. Don't be coy or shy, or gently approach the subject, just tell her. If she wants to unfriendzone you she will. Or try the brown side.

[img] [/img]

wellwellwell - Member
One of the main problems there has been is that we have never lived within 100 miles of each other since leaving school.

I'm going to go for it, just need to MTFU when we organise take 2, either next Monday or over the weekend if she is free.

As before best of luck and very glad you've decided to take a chance

100 miles for me is nothing, but for her when she lives in London and doesn't have a car, 100 mile outside London is similar to Australia

Yes theres a chance it could be a very uncomfortable angle/feel for your friend and destroy/distance the friendship however she might also say 'wow/leftfield/never considered this but the answer is there/spoke to friends and I had a gem under my nose all along/lets give it a try'.

She might also see you as just a friend.

However if it was me there is noway I'd leave it/procrastinate any further.

I did this. Met a girl when I was 13, best friends. We even went to the same uni 300miles away- she had given me subtle hints (that I now know but couldn't spot at the time) and I did nothing..

Idiot. The one that got away.

Live life with no regrets. Speak your mind.

100 miles is fine, just means you can still have your life and she can have hers as you can avoid instantly spending every living moment away from work together that some folk seem to do as soon as they get a new partner. Sure it will all work out.

Just crack on with it. In person though... don't do it over text** with the lads after an all day whisky festival followed by a beer festival or she won't speak to you for a month.

In fact inspired by your post OP, i'd better sort that out today.

**"I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it. I want to be on you."

"but I would never risk a good friendship with a girl"

I did. We've been married 4 years and have a baby daughter.

Go for it fella!

"but I would never risk a good friendship with a girl"

Isn't this the ideal? i.e. YOU ACTUALLY GET ON WITH THE OTHER PERSON - so it'd make a great match?

Come on OP. Or should you go out with someone who you like screwing but can't stand to be near so ride all the time?

Idiot. The one that got away.

Live life with no regrets. Speak your mind.

Keep this quote from hora in your mind...

Your alternative is not say a thing, and then everytime you meet her you're stomach will go funny and you'll head home frustrated and jealous of her next boyfriend.

In years to come when you're old and grey you'll think to yourself how you're glad you never did anything about the girl that got away.

You never know, you might meet someone who compares, but who wants to settle for second best?

have to agree with mc hamish, i new i could never settle with anyone else until i had at least tried with mrs k, and she felt the same strangly. it could have not worked but so far it is

As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

That is seriously depressing.

Should we point you at your thread of disastrous dates? 🙂

😆