[Closed] Have you ever made an 'unwanted sexual advance'?

I'd hate to think how much dna is spread around pubs and clubs when Scotland are playing in Dublin or Cardiff. Offhand I'd say a fair amount.

Pun intended.

[quote=thisisnotaspoon ]Swoon

No need to spark you out then.

Yes but she was asking for it by wearing a short skirt and being drunk . 😮

But it's a fair point isn't it, most of the blokes on here probably know very little about what it's like dealing with pervy/creepy men on a daily basis who are 60 to 100lb heavier than you. At the end of the day, most of you... 9 times out of 10 - unless you've attracted the advances of Brienne of Tarth 😆 - could extricate yourself from unwanted advances.

I didn't ask based on any kind of 'MRA issue' more of a 'media reporting/sexual politics' issue. I asked because of the language that is typically used by the media in the reporting of stories such as the Harvey Weinstein case.

As mentioned, I agree entirely that the use of position and power as a coercive element to force an issue even after it's become clear that the advanced is unwanted, is unequivocally harrassment and, potentially, abuse.

It's interesting that the langauge used though specifically connects 'unwanted advances' with 'harassment' and 'abuse' frequently without the caveats cited above.

I'm so glad I'm not a teenager today. I've no idea how the hell you're supposed to navigate the world of sexual politics these days. It will end up with pre-nup's for sexual congress before long!

Art imitates (or perhaps predicts) life.

BTW if you don't think the MRA thing is important or don't agree with the issues you can always just ignore them....

I did, as a student, get accused of Sexual assault. The girl had gone to the student councillor and told her what had happened. Councillor investigated by interviewing me. Firstly asked if I'd done it? "no" any witnesses as to what you were doing Monday evening? "yes about 100 I was quiz master at the union quiz" at that point the whole accusation fell apart, but the police were in I had a nice trip to the station and dna given. All pretty traumatic for me. More so for her the police explained in no uncertain terms what could have happened and what could happen to her.

Apparently she was pissed off because I'd ignored her a couple of weeks before and copped off with her friend.

I don't think that the average bloke in a nightclub makes the advances because he is bigger and stronger than the woman though, it's more a misguided belief that the woman wants the advance made on them (possibly because if roles were reversed the man would welcome any kind of advance from a woman).

I'm so glad I'm not a teenager today. I've no idea how the hell you're supposed to navigate the world of sexual politics these days.

I've no idea how the hell you're supposed to navigate the world of sexual politics these days.

I gather there's an app for it.

Apparently she was pissed off because I'd ignored her a couple of weeks before and copped off with her friend

Occupational hazards of just being too damn hot, bro.

I don't think that the average bloke in a nightclub makes the advances because he is bigger and stronger than the woman though,

No, but a lot of blokes aren't very good with the empathy part and don't always get why some women make quite a big deal of it.

Occupational hazards of just being too damn hot, bro.

😀

[img] /revision/latest?cb=20160227145330[/img]

Unwanted? Me? Of course not.

I gather there's an app for it.

You jest but I am sure that it's coming (if you will pardon the obvious pun).

geetee1972 - Member

I asked because of the language that is typically used by the media in the reporting of stories such as the Harvey Weinstein case.

Isn't Weinstein a super lefty/liberal (at least by American standards) with his "Women's Foundation" and his LGBTQ+ foundation, his support for Hilary, pro gun control etc etc.

Perhaps he was compensating for something 😉

Isn't Weinstein a super lefty/liberal (at least by American standards) with his "Women's Foundation" and his LGBTQ+ foundation, his support for Hilary, pro gun control etc etc.

Perhaps he was compensating for something

Life imitating art?

I'm so glad I'm not a teenager today. I've no idea how the hell you're supposed to navigate the world of sexual politics these days. It will end up with pre-nup's for sexual congress before long!

it hasn't really changed though.

You make an unwanted advance, probably as a teenager or early 20's, and get a slap/told to sod off/an embarrassing rejection.

Then, if you're any kind of human, you go away, get over it, and think about how not come across like a git in future. By the age of about 23 you have honed your social skills to the point that you can ask someone on a date without them thinking you're a ****.

That's what most people do, and it still pretty much works. We all do stupid stuff when young, and provided we learn from it, it rarely becomes a huge problem.

Someone like Weinstein OTOH was so notorious for being a despicable shit that people joked about it onstage at the Oscars, in TV shows, openly. Decades of abuse, assault, (alleged) rape, of junior people whose careers he could (and did) destroy, of people younger than his own daughters. It's not like he was on a night out with a peer and misguidedly went for a snog. There's just no comparison.

I asked Deadly if he wanted to play the rape game.

He said no.

I won.

I was never Mr Tickle when I was younger. I was frankly too bloody useless. My pulling prowess in clubs when I was a student progressed through the night something like this: Sober -> too drunk to be able chat up a girl -> drunk enough to actually have the courage to do so -> walking home on my own again.

As I've got older and more confident, the only time I've 'made a move' on a girl is when I've been absolutely certain that she'd been waiting for my to do it for the last three [s]years[/s] hours. And for context, I'm still oblivious half the time. "She was flirting with you, you know!" - "Er, was she? Damn it."

So no. About the only "unwanted sexual advance" I could be guilty of is the odd inappropriate comment. I don't have a very good filter for stuff like that.

As a married man I find that 95% of my sexual advances are unwanted...

5% success rate? You essentially just confessed to using Rohypnol.

Guys, guys....also....this crazy woman is lecturing in the lecture space in the building I live (no I don't ****ing live in a Californian hippy commune).

Shall I go along and ask if I get a blowjob after, and whether appropriating blowjobs will send me on a lifetime journey of self discovery that give me meaning to my empty life and the banality of existence? Or would that make me a chauvanistic pig, and/or hilariously deluded philosophically?

I've been sexually harassed by a rather drunk gay man. Mainly fairly obnoxious comments iver a bar that i was working behind.

He pinched my arse though in full view of a fair number of people. At that point i could have planted a glass in his face i was so embarrassed and angry. he got an absolute bollocking from me and his mate dragged him out he was alot bigger than i was like proper mountain of a man. The mistake i made was not shutting it down at the start. Thats why its not okay on any level because any give can be implied* as some sort of acceptance.

*Wrongly very wrongly.

I dare sailed i've strayed to close to the line myself and I'd hate to think thats made someone feel like i did.

And i've intervened on a number of occasions when i've seen it happening to others.

It's interesting that the langauge used though specifically connects 'unwanted advances' with 'harassment' and 'abuse' frequently without the caveats cited above.

Why is this interesting?

Reports of those behaviours together paint a picture of a sexual predator. Nobody's saying unwanted advances = harrassment, apart from you perhaps.

So why do you make that connection? Be honest with us (and yourself) please.

There's just no comparison.

No one was making one.

and think about how not come across like a git in future.

Making an unwanted sexual advance doesn't automatically make you a git though does it. Persisting in making one does.

I think the fact that you/people in general think that it does make you a git shows that things HAVE changed quite drastically, sometimes for the better, sometimes not so.

I always think asking is the best way to understand if another party is consenting.

Asking *is* an advance!

5% success rate? You essentially just confessed to using Rohypnol.

95%? How long have you been having an affair?

Nice work, both. 🙂

Why is this interesting?

Because my undergrad degree was cultural anthropology. I'm interested in how a modern society's, cultural norms and values are negotiated, established and maintained and the use of language is a key mechanism for this. The language that is used changes the way we feel about things if that language is used consistently enough.

my undergrad degree

Interesting.

undergrad degree was cultural anthropology

With that background you can probably answer a question I've been pondering for ages....

...how many Gherkins go into a Big Mac?

Making an unwanted sexual advance doesn't automatically make you a git though does it. Persisting in making one does.

I think the fact that you/people in general think that it does make you a git shows that things HAVE changed quite drastically, sometimes for the better, sometimes not so.

well I was going more on the premise that most of us don't consider ourselves to be gits (we'd prefer to think that we were misinterpreted) - but we don't want other people to think we are gits either. So we modify our behaviour in response to the situations we encounter.

Making an unwanted advance doesn't necessarily denote, er, gittishness. But if you got a slap or some cross words you can probably assume that the object of your affections thought you were, at that moment, acting like a git. As a one-off, perhaps a simple mistake. As part of an unchecked pattern of behaviour, though, a different picture emerges.

I suspect an MBA would be more useful in answering that question.

I entirely agree.

 

Emma Watson being "helped" into a Limo. Not looking entirely comfortable

[img] [/img]

Making an unwanted advance doesn't necessarily denote, er, gittishness. But if you got a slap or some cross words you can probably assume that the object of your affections thought you were, at that moment, acting like a git. As a one-off, perhaps a simple mistake. As part of an unchecked pattern of behaviour, though, a different picture emerges.

Quite.

I think we have to acknowledge that at some point most of us are going to have to be making sexual advances otherwise we'd die out as a species within a generation. The question is how we gauge whether or not it's likely to be a welcome advance. Aside from the likes of Trump's famous cat-worrying, there's a world of difference between going up to a stranger and saying "hi, my name is Steve, what's yours?" and "nice tits luv, can I have a go on 'em later?"

(There may by situations where the latter 'direct approach' is acceptable, but probably in the frozen foods aisle in ASDA.)

Whilst Weinsten's actions are deplorable, it's odd that the press don't pursue Donald Trump and Bill Clinton with such fervour. Probably something to do with the women involved being less powerful and famous.

In the interests of balance and disclosure, there is an incident where I could be accused of making an unwanted sexual advance...

I was doing a creative writing course as a mature student~ the lecturer started making eyes at me, would pair up with me on group exercises (something she didn't do with any of the other students) and would follow me to the coffee machine at break, then walk back and chat with me on the way back to the classroom. She gave me her email and there was some chemistry, so I wrote with a bit of innuendo...

Next thing I know, get summoned to the Univerity Principal's office and banned from all courses for a term.

Suffice to say the relationship failed to blossom.

Whilst Weinsten's actions are deplorable, it's odd that the press don't pursue Donald Trump and Bill Clinton with such fervour.

I Got a 'lingering hand on leg' at work whilst being physically arranged for a group photo by a director of another prominent 3rd sector organisation. I was about 26 and she would have been late 40s. It was peak Saville, so possibly a revenge attack. Felt a bit weird about it, but didn't say anything...

Worst of all she wasn't hot. If she'd been a honey I'd have been all over it like a rash. Always the way...

I Got a 'lingering had on leg'

Place your bets as to which letter is missing from this sentence, ladies and gentlemen...

Hand, it was a hand! I mean... I *think* it was a hand...

"E" ?

"E" ?

Had one leg?

outofbreath - Member
undergrad degree was cultural anthropology
With that background you can probably answer a question I've been pondering for ages....

...how many Gherkins go into a Big Mac?

😆 😆
That Sir, is proper genius! Loving your work! 😆

That Sir, is proper genius! Loving your work!

To me it just read like someone being a cock and taking the piss out of someone else's education. It might not have been intended to come across like that, but it did.

Worst of all she wasn't hot. If she'd been a honey I'd have been all over it like a rash.

You're a jaunty 20yo USAF pilot with a rebellious forelock, squinting eyes and a cigarette flapping from your lip as you speak. You're cooling-off with the boys in a rowdy bar circa 1950 and ICMFP.

[quote=geetee1972 ] To me it just read like someone being a cock and taking the piss out of someone else's education. It might not have been intended to come across like that, but it did.

it made me laugh...

Notice how Harvey W's (rather attractive, compared to him) wife didn't hang around to find out if the accusations were true.

Brighton nightclub, end of the eve, been dancing with a couple of girls and my mate decides to bellow in my ear "I'm having the one with glasses!" just as the DJ cut the music. At least I didn't have to walk home alone, and he bought us kebabs.