Just got the phone call that my 13yr old (soon to be 14yr) lad has been involved in a fight at school. No details yet but apparently other kid set about him so he punched him in the face 3 times.
What do I say to him?
1, Well Done
2, You shouldn't retaliate
His hormones are raging and to be honest I'm a little worried he might get a taste for it 🙁
Well done. Never give in to bullies. Don't become one yourself.
A hearty congratulations and a new black bomber jacket. Get him earning his keep on the doors 😉
Here is £50, get a tattoo ?
Self defence, nothing more is allowed.
You ask him for the video-footage, then give him a critique on his performance with marks out of ten.
support him for the first punch.
explain that the second and third punches were probably unnecessary - and make him do the dishes/hoovering/whatever as 'punishment'?
Self defence, nothing more is allowed.
Seems about right.
Assess his performance ... did he use jab, uppercut or right/left hook? Improve on his techniques so that bullies be put right in their place. i.e. to be stepped on.
what ahwiles said
Personally I wouldn't say any punching to the face was okay in that situation
There are plenty of ways to disable and diffuse a situation without doing that.
I'd prefer a knee to the privates to be honest. Much less likely to kill someone than a punch to the face.
Or depending on the situation taking the opponents legs out, or restraining them.
I seriously doubt a 13 year old has ever killed anyone with a punch to the face.
binners - MemberI seriously doubt a 13 year old has ever killed anyone with a punch to the face.
** Senses frantic Google-based research taking place **
my parents always said defend your self but dont go looking for trouble....
has stood me well....
Maybe not, but I know of people who have fallen over from a punch, hit their head on a curb and died.
I know of no body who has died from a knee to the privates.
The knee will also keel the guy over very quickly, punches to the face unless done well the guy will likely still be able to fight back.
Proper hard kick to the front of the shins is also very effective at stopping fights quick
Get your kiddy to a self defence class of his choice.
A mate of my dad's once killed someone in the pub with one punch.
Cracked him, he fell over, knocking his head on the brass foot-rest as he went down. Dead.
Force in proportion the the threat, but not an easy skill for a 13yo. So as stated just point out that perhaps the 2/3rd were maybe not needed,especially as at that age he will have been exercising his arm and wrist to the point where he could crush walnuts. 😈 On a serious note, standing up for yourself when pushed is an important part of growing up.
Whilst understanding there can be tremendous ramifications from physical confrontation I don't think many if any 13 year olds are equipped well enough to:
I also don't agree thatdisable and diffuse a situation without doing that.
is much better.a knee to the privates
I think you should explain possible consequences and discuss what can constitute reasonable force in different situations.
'Walk if you can, fight if you have to', is the approach I mean to take with my little boy (he's only 5 at present).
He got into his first fight/angry pushing session at school last week and when my Wife told me about it the first thing I involuntarily thought was whether he had won or not, just couldn't help myself.
😀Senses frantic Google-based research taking place
Acute painful scrotum in children may be associated with torsion of the testis, hematocele, epididymitis and direct testicular injury with hematoma formation. More frequently, however, acute scrotum occurs without a precipitating factor. While most traumatic testicular injuries resolve with conservative management, many require surgical exploration and some are life-threatening.
Congrats on the first punch, but then question why the 2nd and 3rd. then tell him he must hit like a girl..
The problem is, just one "self defence" punch could knock someone over and crack their head on the floor.
Pointed Stick?
Not nearly enough info to make a statement like that. We need much more on relative sizes of the lads, what led up to it, what did 'set about' constitute etc etc.Personally I wouldn't say any punching to the face was okay in that situation
However, in true STW stylee, I'll say well done to your lad for not taking it and it might make the other lad think twice before 'setting about' anyone else.
2nd on the self defence stuff. I learnt Judo from around 10 years old and it has stood me well. It's not so much the self beliefe it can give you in confidence building (this has shown to defuse certian situations), but the rule of martial arts is generally about sefl defence 0 when and when not to use what you have learnt.. my kiddy will be doing the same (hopefully)..
When I was that age or thereabouts I saw a punch as carte blanche to kick the crap out of whoever it was.
Not long after that, as I grew up, I would avoid fights entirely - despite being one of the biggest and strongest kids in the year. I calmed down a lot as I grew up and learned about myself.
I'll say well done to your lad for not taking it and it might make the other lad think twice before 'setting about' anyone else
Massive fallacy that. No-one beat me in fights, but it made no difference. Still got into loads (as a kid). If you beat up a bully boy kid they tend to want to get their revenge on you, or at least bolster their position by picking on other people.
You can't change a violent angry person with more violence.
Buy him a Staffy pup, that'll stop the bullies, it can chew their faces off once he's trained it. 😀
Seriously, get him down to a martial arts class - something mainstream like Ju Jitsu so he can be confident in dealing with situations like this and may not have to use his fists.
trail_rat - Member
my parents always said defend your self but dont go looking for trouble....has stood me well....
😆 *sprays mouthful of drink everywhere
I reckon you're attitude to this is probably shaped by what type of school you went to yourself, and your experiences there. I was at school with a proper scary bunch of borderline psychopaths!! So punching somebody repeatedly in the face was considered to be 'entry level' self defence 😉
I'd be having stern words with him personally. Next time it could be a child's face.
ways to disable and diffuse a situation
maybe I wasn't too clear. I was assuming self defence was a required not that the 13 year old could negotiate his way out. I meant that a punch to the face (or several) should be way down the list of actions your boy should have taken when faced with a self defence situation
Many of which would be more effective at stopping the situation dead and carry less risk of serious consquences should it go wrong.
(I have trained and taught martial arts for 20 odd years so feel reasonably qualified to make that statement....including teaching very young nippers)
Worked for meMassive fallacy that.
True IMEI reckon you're attitude to this is probably shaped by what type of school you went to yourself.......
And FYI moly, I was small until I was 14, then within a very short period I definitely wasn't small and the same applied. I detest bullies BTW and would always (and still will) stand up for anyone I saw being bullied.
Get him doing judo.
Next time he gets attacked, all the teachers will hear is he tripped the other guy up, or threw him on the floor. No-one will think ill of it, the uninformed don't consider anything not involving fists to be fighting at all. (Most folks don't know the direction martial arts have taken since UFC et al.)
I would rather be thought of someone who wouldn't hurt a fly than someone who can kick the crap out of someone.
Talk to him about it, find out why he did it and why he thought three punches was enough. Then explain self defence etc... It's his intent that's far more important.
I would rather be thought of someone who wouldn't hurt a fly than someone who can kick the crap out of someone.
Just as long as it's attention, eh Moley? 😉
Shut up or I'll chin ya.
Anything less than this is just playing at it 🙂
Just seen him and nothing said, I was waiting but he mentioned not a thing
Waiting for the school to give more details tomorrow then Question Time
As above want to know why he delivered 3 punches
I was at school with a proper scary bunch of borderline psychopaths!! So punching somebody repeatedly in the face was considered to be 'entry level' self defence
That's nuffin, at my school we all went in tooled up with at least a machete and an uzi.
And it was the hardest school, like, eva!
What's the equivalent of rose-tinted spectacles for this type of memory?
Not having a go, just knew there'd be one post like this 😉
I think three punches is just about right: first to get his attention, second to make the point, and third to reinforce the point, to make sure there's no misunderstanding.
Good for him, it shows he's no pushover, that he'll stand his ground, and won't take any crap. Just be clear with him that provoking someone into striking out, so that he can belt them, is verboten, and won't be tolerated.
He stood up for himself against a bully. Well done him. In my experience, the bully will not pick on him again.
I've typed and retyped quite a lot and now I've deleted it again. It's very hard for me to stay un-emotional about this. I'll leave it at this.
I hate bullies with a passion. I don't care what made them that way. I was bullied constantly at school, very nastily at times. I would never, ever tell my dad. As an ex-soldier he would have considered me a wimp.
If I ever would have got the chance to punch just one of these bullies in the face, I'd have done it till I could punch no more.
I still hate bullies. That video up there made me smile.
If someone was bullying your lad and he hit them only three times, don't be to hard on him.
Get him down the local boxing club
Jeez, times have changed for sure. This kind of low level physical stuff was routine when I was at school and warranted a telling off rather than all this soul searching and distress.
I had to put a fight off to go home for my tea, cos I was more concerned about being told off for the tea thing than the fight.
I lost, but had my tea....
In my experience, the bully will not pick on him again.
That's not my experience. I had our year bully try to indimidate me. I managed to nullify him by not being afraid of him and being more intelligent than he was. He was expelled.
managed to nullify him by not being afraid of him and being more intelligent than he was
You have to be more intelligent than someone I suppose. 😀
