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Totally natural innit?! Therefore must be good. When you're at home do you ever congratulate yourself on a good omission, like 'oh yeah.'
Do you ever announce your intention to fart in a humorous way to your friend, like' do you wanna know what I think of that plan?' *PAARRRPP*
Do you ever tell your kid off for letting one go whilst sat on Granny's lap, but secretly you're laughing your goddam head off & wanting to high 5 them?
Nah me neither.
Can anyone else smell bacon?
My girlfriend once let one slip that was so unfathomably foul that she woke up and vomited in bed.
If some are so bad that even the dealer cannot deal with what's dealt, I guess the level of amusement depends on the nature of the beast..
Nothing smells better than homebrew. If you disgust yourself, you are ill.
so unfathomably foul that she woke up and vomited in bed
This is both grim and LOL. 🙂
Rule no.1: farts are ALWAYS funny, you just might have to laugh at a later time (or in your own head) to be socially polite.
My girlfriend once let one slip that was so unfathomably foul that she woke up and vomited in bed.
Case in point 
If you didn't fart you would explode.....
Farting is funny...
What else would you use to fill any voids in lads conversation in the van on the way home? apart from a 4 octave 12 second bottom ensemble and a quick window descent test...
Its only nature....
My daughter is 6 weeks old and has thoroughly mastered the art of the fart.. Nothing better than a baby smiling at the release of another ripper 🙂
Both my parents enjoyed their farting. I take after them.
I love farting and happen to be pretty dam good at it on the aroma side. I have made MsJimmy gag on a couple of occasions but she doesn't really like it when I'm paralysed with laughter at this.
Farts are like children.
Your own are a source of constant hilarity and pride.
Other people's? Disgusting.
I'm reminded of Bill Bryson commenting on his time living in Malhamdale - "standing at the kitchen sink talking to yourself animatedly and doing lavish, raised-leg farts and then turning around to find a fresh pile of mail lying on the kitchen table".
I've instilled in my children from an early age that farting is an art form, and a source of constant hilarity. If anyone doubted this fact, then THIS surely proves the point....
I went through a worrying period last year when I was all mouth and no trousers. I was doing very loud farts, some of extraordinary length and tunefulness, but there was no smell.
Initially this was a plus as I could deploy the brown shout for comic effect with no lingering odour. However after a while I began to miss the ability to deploy a cunning SBD or let rip an eggy squeaker. This went on for a few weeks and I was getting worried.
Thankfully normality was resumed eventually. Phew!
If your sphincter has the necessary experience and finesse, you can 'balance' a fart on the precipice of expulsion and so release it at the perfect time. Situations where I have found this particularly useful are for comic effect during bedtime stories with the children, and for personal amusement when placing a mug of coffee on the DI's desk while he is on a conference call.
Ahh farting - the memories come flooding back.
Unfortunately not something I can do any more but at least I know that if the lift stinks it ain't me.
[quote=cdoc dijo]My girlfriend once let one slip that was so unfathomably foul that she woke up and vomited in bed.
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I am grinning from ear to ear just reading this thread. I have nothng more to add, it's been said already
I farted on the train this morning and 4 people turned round, I felt like I was on The Voice...
Farts are like children.
Your own are a source of constant hilarity and pride.
Other people's? Disgusting.
😆 Marvellous!
If you cook a roast it smells great.
If you fart after a roast it smells of roast.
Apparently that smell is now disgusting.
Same with curry.
I farted in the bath the other night when my wife was in the kitchen downstairs, I was already laughing when she shouted "you dirty bugger" which then turned into howls of laughter followed by "how old are you?"
55 and still laugh at farts.
(Almost certainly overdubbed, but still.)
A combination of a high protein diet and mild IBS means I'm never far away from the next one, my Wife complains, but she doesn't mind really - some of them are eye watering though.
My little daughter (8 months) has the same digestive issues as me bless her, more than a few times I've dived into what I think is a pooey nappy only to find nothing but the ghost of a fart.
My girlfriend hates it, to the point it's actually a problem for me now. I eat a high protein, low carb diet, which also means lots a fibrous veg. Pretty devestating combination. Some days I can fart from sun up to sun down with about 10 minute intervals.
Having to leave the room/go outside/go to the bathroom/etc becomes very tiring =(
I seem to have an unfailing ability to fart in my office 24secs before someone knocks on the door... People always complain that I have window open permanently in my office.
Perfectly timed Fart jokes are the funniest, full stop. My two kids find it very funny and love blaming each other for the smell in the car.
stinkingdylan - Member
Brutal honesty there. Have a thumbs up.
i have a habit of letting off big rippers. the wife hates it but the kids always laugh when i let one off....mind you i try to make it as comical as possible 😆
I seem to have an unfailing ability to fart in my office 24secs before someone knocks on the door...
For some reason I mind it comforting to fart in the car. I could never offer anyone a lift.
Apropos of nothing, I'm reminded of a turn of phrase from a [url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/ive-just-eaten-a-phal/page/2#post-5952610 ]previous STW thread[/url]. "Like a load of old shoes falling out of a loft."
It's ace!
It IS big.
It IS clever.
And it makes you look tough.
As well as being hilarious.
After spending an evening at my then girlfriends parents house, I got into the car and let out the longest fart I've ever done...I think it must have been between 5 - 10 seconds.
I found it hilarious and laughed all the way home...my only regret is that I was on my own and no one was there to experience it with me.
If a man farts in his car on his own...did it actually happen?
My car smells of fart all the time. It even hits me when I get in. I tell people there's a leek in the boot and the smell is damp...
Apropos of nothing, I'm reminded of a turn of phrase from a previous STW thread. "Like a load of old shoes falling out of a loft."
From a previous thread I really enjoyed it being described as "someone slowly tearing a thick velvet curtain just behind me" or words to that effect.
Farting is great.
One should always "Break wind" it's so much more polite. And if the vicar has popped round for a nice cup of tea, you won't feel as rude as you would have done if you had done something as common as farting.
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This reminds me of a story I heard a while ago, a quick Google and this was the first link I found.
http://www.ronsonwriter.com/content/view/69/9/
Unable to google or trace the Johnny Fartpants episode where he sets off with Norris McWhirter to break the world record for the longest loudest etc etc., but when I first read that all those years ago it left me utterly, utterly helpless, tears streaming down my face, unable to read more than one frame at a time.
Mrs Scape cannot understand why we all find it so funny, but she tends to sit on a wooden chair in the kitchen (which is on the top floor of the house) and when peels one off it can be heard throughout the house due to the soundboard effect. 😀
Try siiting on a laminate floor. I think the resonant feedback would be worthy of Stradivari himself
.I think it must have been between 5 - 10 seconds.
My record at school was 12 seconds (it was independently timed and verified) in a chemistry lab. Bit risky with all those bunsen burners.
Unable to google or trace the Johnny Fartpants episode where he sets off with Norris McWhirter to break the world record for the longest loudest etc etc.,
That puts me in mind of Derek and Clive - Ross McPharter.
That vicar picture....
I never imagined muttering 'More tea vicar?' instead of 'pardon me' would result in an awkward situation.
But of course a couple of weeks ago the family met a friend of my brothers.
4yr old - employing his current customary greeting, points at friend - "What's your job?"
Friend - "I'm training to be a vicar"
8yr old - "What's a vicar?"
4yr old - "It's when you fart, you say 'More tea vicar' "
Cue glares from wife. It didn't help that this was the same week one of them told his teacher the joke 'What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?'
Warren!
It's not a rabbit though, it's just a hair.
Gold Star for you Cougar 🙂
I farted in the honeymoon camper van in South Island NZ. Wife woke up and asked if I had left the gas on.... Erm no love it was me. Still married before you ask.
this is funny. My car stinks of fart too. I can just about blame it on sweaty bike kit but having rarely used the car for rides in the past year, I know I'm now kidding myself.
Something reminded me of my mum's farting. I'd be watching TV as a kid and hear a really long meandering guff from the kitchen. With riles roles reversed I'd shout "Mum!!" and all Id hear was uncontrolled laughter. My hero.
Once again the Singletrack community is able to supply the answers that the world of science is unable to provide
[url= http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-31491805 ]Mars attacks [/url]
Well, if you can whistle it...