It's something that keeps happening around me...
...I got into work the other morning for nine AM and headed up to our third floor kitchen to make a cup of coffee. I opened the kitchen door to see a very pretty girl whom I'd never met before, looking slightly surprised and nervous.
"Hi!" she blushed. "How are you? Lovely morning isn't it? The kettle's boiled, I have to dash, bye" she continued. And she shot out of the door as quickly as anything.
And then a meaty stench hit my nostrils...
I'd obviously caught her seconds after she'd dropped a beer fart in an otherwise deserted office. I've not seen much of her since, I think she's avoiding me.
Why is it the pretty ladies of London choose to drop their lunch near me? 🙁
Farts are hillarious.
Norwegian Hansa lager gives you great farts that smell exactly the same as the beer.
Once farted over dinner in a restaurant and followed through. It was in Cairo though so pretty much the norm I'd say.
Once farted over dinner in a restaurant and followed through
Yeah, whenever I'm in SE Asia or India I'm always a lot more wary about passing wind, as the divide between wind and solid is rather thinner...
Reading though thread with a coffee trying not to spray the laptop 😆
After the Brains and old peculiar I raise you Orchard Gold cider 😯 This has claimed a number of people when visiting my local near Cwmcarn 😆
Once farted over dinner in a restaurant and followed through. It was in Cairo though so pretty much the norm I'd say.
Been there. Dominican Republic visiting g/f (of the day) family. Out to dinner. Light coloured trousers. Daren't move off my chair until g/f had checked for any tell-tale stainage...luckily it had felt worse than it was, and my underwear had saved the day.
Spent that whole two week visit fending of the largest mosquitos I'd ever seen, sitting on the loo with the squits, or more often than not both at the same time.
Once farted over dinner in a restaurant and followed through
this happened to a friend on the first date wi a lass during the starters. He went to the bog n cleaned himself off, stashing his soiled grots in the toilet cistern for reasons that are still unclear. He then went back and continued the date commando. It went well by all accounts.
I'm surprised no one has posted Benjamin Franklin's proposal to the royal society :[url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly ]fart proudly[/url]
I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year...
Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age.
It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind. That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.
When I was about 18 I had a pair of speedo swim shorts that when wet, formed a seal against the thigh and emitted a perfect whoppee cussion noise when ever I bent down or raised the leg above a certain point.
Que hours of wet fart cossack dancing by the hotel pool.
the largest mosquitos I'd ever seen sitting on the loo with the squits
Mosquitos can get the squits? 😯
used to work with a Guy who could fart virtually at will, most of the one's he did sounded like he'd followed through, but he proclaimed he never did...... 😆 He became known as the "Smudger"
Sorry but farting is funny....
After L2B off road, the pub in the village we were staying in was holding a wedding in the function room and we were sat in the lounge/bar area. So after a day of carbs/gels an indian and lots of ale the farting competition was getting out of hand to the point where they opened all the windows and doors in the pub and most of the guests had decided to vacate the area.... 😳 😆 still get reminded about that quite one regularly.
used to work with a Guy who could fart virtually at will
Did William object?
I used to go to school with a lad who could do that. Only on social occasions though, as I think it hurt him somehow. They were just colossal, those trumps.
que hours of wet fart cossack dancing by the hotel pool.
Literally crying with laughter at that. The mental image I have of it is astonishingly funny. 😀
Farts are like children. People only like their own.
this, however, is the bestest fart in the history of Youtube;
LOL and small tears 🙂
Once got 200 lines for a pant ripper in Physics lesson. That was back in 1968 and I still remember it, it was a real beauty
Me and my mate got the cane for farting in maths, early 70's I think, nowadays you don't get the cane even if you followed through :D, how times have changed
1. 12 years ago when i met my wife! the honeymoon days..sex,sex,sex. well when i was down her she let one of those silent but deadly farts go.straight up the nose, resulting in alot of gagging and to be fair killed the moment.
2. had a good night out on the piss.the next day the head and guts where hurting.lying on sofa slothing it out..watching tv, had to squeeze a fart out ooops felt the damp ran to bathroom and got rid of evidence before wife come out from kitchen. 5 mins later thought i would squeeze another out oops i hadnt learnt my lesson.the wife was next to me this time. but managed to run into the bathroom without the embarasement of her knowing. ive owned up since because its always a good pub laugh.
3. three years ago at my work xmas party we all went out for a curry.the beer was flowing and some of the old boys where getting a bit gobby towards members of the staff.i like curry, but these where pretty hot.so im thinking..gobby blokes = extra curry powder. afterwards the old men went home to their wifes and me and my mate decided to hit the club. well by the time we got in, the stomachs where turning and we had to sprint to bog. only one toilet available,mate got in first i was stranded waiting.thought i would have a go to relieve the pressure by letting a slow gradual fart go.mistake, i followed through.mate came out, i went in , slung the cacks in the corner of the toilet cubical and went commando for the rest of night. sorry no paper towel bin, hand dryers only so no way of getting rid of evidence. sorry to the cleaner next day.
