So then, Boys & Girls, your thoughts, annecdotes and entertaining stories???
Is there a line between mild entertainment and big time trouble - I can tell that there is ;-). But do you even know how close the line is before it gets crossed?
Tell me what the alarm bells should sound like. And I don't mean the kitchen smoke alarm
1) Dutch ovens lead to divorce
2) Farting is great fun for the farter
3) Even my 84 year old grandad found farts hilarious, so you never grow out of it
4) I find if I lay off the carbs I don't fart, at all.
I was once walking through town with a friend when we were stopped by a lady who asked us:
"have you had an accident in the last two years?"
Without any hesitation my friend says:
"yes, just the other day I drank ten pints of Guinness, then farted and followed-through"
To which the lady said:
"that's not what I mean"
So my friend protested in a very loud voice:
"IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CRAP MY SELF"
.......well I found it funny even if she didn't!
Farts are lime kids, your own are fine but anyone else's are annoying.
Four egg omelette for tea last night and now the bedroom is a dangerous place to be.
.......well I found it funny even if she didn't!
me too
JEngledow - to be fair, she would have been referring to 'non-fault' accident. If someone else had followed through in your friends underpants, they may have had a case for conpensation on a no win, no fee basis.
Best
Thing
In
The
World
^ me three 😆
Nothing worse than letting one go in private on to be joined by some hot chic imediately it starts to permiate the space.
I wish it was an Olympic sport. I'm really good at it, yet my talent goes largely unrecognised.
My stepson is the most competitive kid in the world, he found himself embroiled in a farting competition at school and got a little bit more than he bargained for. A lot more actually. Anyway, he immediately went for the denial option and spent the day being followed around by some meaty odours at school.
Lesson learned? Not quite...six months later I found him scrubbing out his school trousers in the bathroom at home. I asked him what he was up to and he replied "farting compettion in maths. Followed through...don't tell mum".
Got thrown out of a music lesson at school for farting...
I can't remember what I used to eat back in the day, but I was a prolific farter. It was always hilarious for me and anyone else not in direct contact with the fumes.
I'd like to think I've grown up, but I still find farting funny.
I wish it was an Olympic sport
Which nation would win then?
Its brilliant up until that point when you realise that your arse crack is no longer dry = bad times
Farts are like children. People only like their own.
this, however, is the bestest fart in the history of Youtube;
SITS last year, as is the way when you're exercising loads and eating pretty much anything you can get your hands on to keep you going, I needed a big fart... Scratch that... THE BIGGEST FART the world has ever heard! At about 5am, just as the sun had come up, in the last wooded section on the course.
So I started to let rip... And it wasn't quiet... And it lasted maybe 3 or 4 seconds! As I exclaimed "God I needed that" fairly loudly, I rounded a corner, to find a rather hot blonde woman on her bike in front of me. The embarrassment! I passed her (she was chuckling) and didn't half get a move on I was so embarrassed!
Sometimes though, you just gotta go! And when it feels like the best thing in the world, you just gotta share it! 😉
Have managed to clear a few nightclub dancefloors in my time too, but always managed to get away without getting found out... hehehe
Smelling someone else's arse particles is disgusting.
However, due to a genetic defect (having a Y chromosome), I find the sound of farting hilarious, especially when done at the least appropriate moment.
Never found farting funny personally. It's just a bit grim. Can't help but wonder about folk that find it amusing.
I got into an empty lift just vacated by one guy to go down to the airport ground floor (just one stop). About halfway down the smell started to hit me. By the time we reached the ground floor I'd turned green. The doors then opened to revealed a crowd of passengers ready to board, all of whom were hit by the guys stench before I manage to make my way sheepishly though them. Bastard!
At primary school we were having a music assembly recorded for some reason or other. We were sat in the school hall, band playing, tape recorders running, when my class mate David Chapman let out a long and musical parp. We giggled, as you do, and quickly got the attention of one of the most evil females teachers to grace the planet. Thing is, the more she glared and gesticulated, the more we laughed. Eventually, crying with laughter, we had to be led from the hall. Happy days.
there is a line somewhere but I find it elusive - Was sitting on a train station platform and the guy next to be drops the old "silent but violent" trick it was NOT FUNNY, almost made me feel sick so had a go at him whereupon he pretends not to know what I was talking bout!
James Joyce was a flatuphile apparently...
Few weeks ago the burd and I were snuggling up on the sofa watching telly, me up front, both facing the same way, she moved and a little one sneaked out, have not really been allowed to forget it. Thing is I am dreading her revenge as I can't stand other people farting.
Woman in the hippo video: "What was that?"
Yeah, right.
Woman in the hippo video: "What was that?"Yeah, right.
The sound isn't from the original clip. The hippo was actually having a silent poo.
Similarly the second clip is staged from some show.
I have a nemesis on the train who always seems to get on my carriage and drop SBDs, for which I get the blame for. The perpetrator is a small, slip of a girl aged about twenty who has a taste in floaty summer dresses and who looks like she wouldn't harm a fly.
I've tried getting on another carriage, but it's no use, she seems to find me, sit opposite me and emit putrid bum gasses of a Piers Morgan level of foulness, just before the conductor walks into the carriage and gives me the most filthy looks.
Any advice on dealing with this nemesis would be welcome.
Similarly the second clip is staged from some show.
I'm sort of pleased about that. If a cameraman had ever really posted a clip like that I'm sure he would never work again
Any advice on dealing with this nemesis would be welcome.
Stop stalking 20yr olds and farting in their presence? 😉
Sound, volume and duration are funny. Smell isn't.
small, slip of a girl aged about twenty who has a taste in floaty summer dresses and who looks like she wouldn't harm a fly...putrid bum gasses
The poor lass probably has a loose ring...from that vigorous morning sesh with the w/e b/f. Possibly not just bum gases then!
Any advice on dealing with this nemesis would be welcome.
Marry her.
being particular unsuccessful at "pulling" in a nightclub i would regularly seek out the prettiest female there and ruin her chances by dropping my guts next to her.
Farmer Giles- it's you!! Has anyone noticed that since the smoking ban, all dancefloors smell of shit and BO, getting progressively worse as people get more leathered?
I find my own and other peoples farts funny. I love the sniper fart, silent but deadly 😈
Cant beat a good air ripper,i even laugh when alone,my wife hardly ever farts in public but when she does they can pollute a small country. I love her.
I love her.
This had me gasping for air I laughed so much. Very good, and true.
Curry house in Wimbledon used to do sprout bahjee balti...after 8 pints of ale, I nearly got kicked out of home by my dad after filling the house every Sunday morning....
All farts are funny. But the funniest fart of all is a fart in an exam.
Anyone enjoy danger-farting?
Solo in lifts or somewhere at work that is briefly unoccupied?
can someone post a vid of that weather presenter vomming, or someone peeing themselves as a consolation to the fake above?
My phone farts at me everytime i get a text message, iv'e set it to Rusty Hinge 😆
Although Tuna Melt and Colon Powell are funny too....
All beer makes most people fart but after 2 years in Wales I can confidently say that there is something really special about Brains.
That stuff makes me a social cripple for at least 48 hours post consumption and it even offends myself.
I just don't know how people can drink it during the week.
Once got 200 lines for a pant ripper in Physics lesson. That was back in 1968 and I still remember it, it was a real beauty.
after 2 years in Wales I can confidently say that there is something really special about Brains.
I've spent an amount of time in Wales also, and I can state with some confidence that Brains' farts pale into insignificance next to Theakston's finest eggy.
I can state with some confidence that Brains' farts pale into insignificance next to Theakston's finest eggy.
It's called "old Peculier" for a reason...
There was a scouse guy who used to drink in the local where I used to live. Hard working fella apparently, well paid job and quite a bit of responsibility, but single and spent most of his disposable income getting pissed at the weekends by all accounts, almost entirely on Guinness. Oh, and I was told his diet wasn't that good, pie and chips pretty much every meal.
Anyway, forget whatever beers you guys think stink when they come out the back end, this guy emptied the pub on more than one occasion! None of us like the smell of anything except our own brand, but whilst other peoples will usually make us cover our noses, or hold our breath for a moment, never before have I started wretching violently to the point where I very nearly puked because I was in the same airspace as this guy.
I stood topping up my oyster card in CWharf station and let one go, thinking no one was behind me, to turn around to find a very pretty girl standing red faced directly behind me. I apologised, but the damage was done.
MrsBouy is incredibly windy, being a veggie has nothing to do with it, she says she's always bern the same.. I call her "trumpton"
