Forum menu
As all Gentlemen should. Sadly, My Dear, most men are naught but vulgar and disgusting beasts.
Absolutely, but only when appropriate (which is most of the time to be fair)
still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.
[i]still chuckling at the emptying a carriage tail. good work.[/i]
Thanks, still one of my proudest achievements to date..chemical warfare at it's best
Address tae a fart
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
Stert workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin' a' ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot o' a rifle
Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon' the room
Michty me! A sonic boom
God Almichty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae s**t ma breeks!
Tae the bog ah'd better scurry,
Ach, whit the hell, it's no ma worry.
A'body roon aboot me chokin'
Yin or twa were nearly boakin'
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin' glower,
Alas! Too late! He's just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e'r ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' one wee farty.
Ah, Rabbie Burns would be proud of that one. Needs reciting over a good haggis and the subsequent dutch oven on sunday!
In seriousness though, diet is a major factor and so is excercise. Some people have slight dairy or gluten intolerances so even if you have an average diet then cereal and milk for breks or bread and pasta will do the job for some.
I do appreciate a good loud guff, but the constant silent violent badboys are not so funny - i'm unfortunately afflicted. For me less gluten and a daily job seem to make a difference.
And yes where do the people appear from, only to complain about the smell...? Why do they do it again and again? Thought they would have got the idea by now.
Impressed about being woken up by your own smell though - that's a good effort mboy!
and by job, i mean jog...worth clearing up!
back to this one - whole bag of dried apple rings from Julian Graves yesterday = particularly sulphurous smelling ones. Interesting.
And I'd also like to pass on another euphemism for the Dutch Oven. AKA the 'Hugo Boss' - your fragrance, your rules.
This thread is still rumbling on then...
auldy- I LOLed!
In fact, I LOLed so much, I almost shat! 😯
how vile 😯
You say that, Aleigh, but then you came and read this thread!
How was Spain? You all nice and brown?
It was very good thanks. Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady 😉 I do have a nice tan but was accused of it being fake yesterday! Like I'd do that 🙄
white bits?
Drank a bit too much at times but otherwise behaved like a good young lady
PPPPFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTT!
Yeah, right!
I just ate a lovely egg mayo sarnie and am sharing an office with two others wotht he heating on. I'm not going home 'til I make some eyes water...
[i]white bits? [/i]
Yeah - and NO there won't be any pics!
I have you know Mr RudeBoy I am a very respectable young lady who would not give herself a bad name 😆