[Closed] entertain me

I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night and she said mine was the biggest penis she'd ever had her hands on.

I said "You're pulling my leg".

I was woken up last night by the bulimic girl next door.

I banged on the wall and shouted "For god's sake, keep it down!"

Lol@cougar

However

TJ is chatting up my wife.

Oh my god

I hate women who wear too much make-up. My ex has just the right amount of foundation on her face. She's buried under the house.

Lol TJ 😉 The little one's not in bed yet so just hold that thought...that is a thought isn't it? 😉

TJ is chatting up my wife.

That's like worrying that Guernsey invading America.

*slips vest off one shoulder*

*looks coyly over other shoulder*

Bride on her wedding night says to her hubby "I must confess, I used to be a hooker".

Her husband says "Your past is your past - it's okay. ...but I must admit, it does sound quite erotic. Tell me more about it..."

She says "My name was Dave and I played for Wigan Warriors."

*removes shoe*

TJ is chatting up my wife.

I was having sex with my wife last night when she had an asthma attack. I did briefly think I was doing rather well.

*Throws sock to rapt audience*

I've just cooked up a huge chilli, sweet peppers and all, d'ya want some? shitload of chillis in there mind.

Ringburn. 😯

[img] [/img]

That's like worrying that Guernsey invading America.

😆

My life is imploding here and you are making jokes.. I can't believe it.

You've got no chance with her TJ. You'd only end up arguing loads.

There're two things I reckon I've learnt about TJ from this forum....

1) He's bloody persistant
2) He doesn't believe in wearing protection

😯

Slips other shoe and sock off*

TandemJeremy - Member
*Throws sock to [s]rapt[/s] trapped audience*

fixed it for you

*turns back on audience*

Jesus wept.

*unzips*

*throws seductive glance*

lol

Keep going little Grips is in bed 😀

Please no. I'll do anything.

*throws seductive glance*

*Throws up*

You'll do anything Mol?

You should have been home 😉 rather than letting me get swept off my feet by your arch- [s]rival[/s] arguer 😛

Right so Civ4 or cleaning...
Civ4 or Cleaning...
hmmmm

I was having sex with my wife last night when she had an asthmatic attack.

... it's my own fault, I should've heard them coming.

lol Cougar

the missus came into the bathroom the other day whilst i was having a shower and caught me peeing.
' my god' she says, 'thats disgusting. How often have you done that in the shower?'
'Done it a few times 'i replied, ' it just sort of happens'
'What do you mean, sort of happens?' she replied
' you know , it just sort of happens when your having a shit' said i

Nooo!!!

*trousers slither to floor*

tj is giving me the creeps. can you not go off on some political tangent or sommat?

*Throws vest into corner*

Mrs TJ posting

What is going on here? I come home to find TJ with his pants on his head sitting winking at the computer!

heyup threesome!

winking at the computer!

You'd have thought the spellchecker would've caught that one.

Lol!

I'm suspicious tho, it's too early for her to have come back from the piss. I think TJ's pretending.

lol! so what you going to do for the rest of the night TJ? I can barely type from chilli ingestion.

What is going on here? I come home to find TJ with his pants on his head sitting winking at the computer!

best* read with an 'allo allo' accent...

*for some limited value of best

I was at the doctors earlier.. with an.. (ahem).. 'personal' problem..

The doctor asked me to drop my trousers and undercrackers so she could take a look..
'Well Yunki' she says... 'you're going to have to to stop masturbating'..

'but.. b b b but WHY!?' I replied horrified..

.
.
.
.
'so that I can start the examination....'

lol

It's Oblivion time boys 🙂 MrsGrips will not be paying any more attention unfortunately to your funny antics because she'll be lost to the world...

Thank you for cheering me up 🙂

Just for the record, she is talking about the PS3 game Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. She's probably not going to take a valium and lie down.

I was thrown out of the local swimming pool this morning for pissing in it. I said 'everyone does', they said 'yeah but not from the diving board.....'

cynic-al - Member

Anyway, yellow pages?

Would that be a reference to 'let your fingers do the walking'? 😀

keep going TJ 😛