[Closed] Dumbest break-ups

I broke up because she gave me a really bad book.hardcover expensive trash.hate those kind of books and editions.
It never is the one thing.but the does come a point when you say..

Somone dumped me because God told them too.

Queen? Seems quite a sensible reason to me!

I once gave a girlfriend a black eye with the sleeve of a Showaddywaddy album... We broke up cos she went off with someone else though. Lucky escape really

Looking back, it seems like the dumbest possible motivation for a break-up.

you what..!? That would seem like an entirely valid reason..

you what..!? That would seem like an entirely valid reason..

😆

Looking back, it just seems kinda pathetic though. To be fair, it did take about a year for the hammer to fall.

Was she a 'fat bottomed girl'?

socks.

she didn't like what I did to her socks.

He smelled funny. Not bad, just funny. 😕

I couldn't be bothered taking her out on Valentine's Day, so we broke up the day before.

she didn't like what I did to her socks.

The mind boggles 😉

I got put "on a sex ban" as Cosmo suggested it...

However, a friend spent months trying to pull a very attractive girl who drank in our local, One night he came into my room, at about 4am, very drunk and with quite a tale to tell:

Apparently he had bumped into this girl in town, got chatting and things had gone well, at the end of the night he'd gone back to hers where they got on with doing the done thing. Only problem was she played the Kelly Clarkeson album throughout, after a brief rest, they went at it again, and on cam the awful album again. After a few hours sleep, things started getting frisky again, on came the album, at which point my mate "pops to the bathroom". Steals a dressing gown (remember he is very drunk) and jumps out of the bathroom window, landing on the flat roof of the kitchen. Problem is, the garden is a bit over grown, and he's no shoes on, so he rings our mutual friend who fell off the cathedral in Leeds once for some advice. Clutching at the advice of "try to land on your back" he jumps and jogs home, wearing just a dressing gown.

Next morning he gets a classic text: How did you get out? Do you want your clothes back?

Now that's a good story.

Makes me feel better, too, about the Queen thing.

Was she a 'fat bottomed girl'?

No, but come to think of it, I did keep finding Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet...

when i was well punk i broke up with a girl for banging on about clapton.

i was dumped because she didn't like the answer she thought i'd give to a question she never asked me. i think this happens a lot.

One of my exes tactically dumped me by text message, in an attempt to get me to make heroic efforts to get us back together. So I sent her one back that said "OK then" and didn't see her again for 4 years, when I was best man for a mate and she was head bridesmaid. First dance went well considering.

Why doesn't this kind of thing happen in Hollywood movies? 🙄

I dumped a girl because she didn't leave the toilet clean.

IDave so true,

just got dumped for the same reason,

Apparently my now ex girlfriend thought i wouldn't be committed to our relationship, (4yrs) so thought best to end it,

She did admit to not asking me how i felt, but said she new the answer anyway.

WTF is a man to do when the answer is known before the question is asked.

Woman splitarses the lot of em.

i was dumped because she didn't like the answer she thought i'd give to a question she never asked me.

and

She did admit to not asking me how i felt, but said she new the answer anyway.

Aren't you supposed to 'just know' when an important question 'hasn't' been asked? 🙄

Only problem was she played the Kelly Clarkeson album throughout

That makes me feel very old, and a bit sad at the same time

catflees erm streaks?

I dumpt a girl because she was butt ugly

apparently the correct answer to the question "Would you still go out with me if I wouldn't have sex with you?" is not "SHIT NO"
[img] [/img]

ETA: I'm not a complete arsehole, in my defence I was drunk and I thought she was joking. She wasn't.

So you don't enjoy the sex with her then retro? 😉
There are only two answers to that question and they are both wrong.

I wish we had a *like* function on this forum because I would *like* iDaves the bestest, that made me lol 🙂

*edit I dumped my now husband about 6 months in because he was completely sex mad. Literally every 5 minutes. Drove me mad.

andrewh - Member
So you don't enjoy the sex with her then retro?
There are only two answers to that question and they are both wrong.

Haha, that's a good point; I hadn't even considered that.

she went home for a weeks holiday so i thought sod this and got a replacement....her housemate

Somone dumped me because God told them too.

That is class but the use of the word 'too' suggests she wasn't the first, do you give off Satanic vibes?

Not really a break up, but at a party, there was a poor bloke that my mates thought they would set me up with. Well you can imagine, he thought he was in (I was v drunk), I sort of lead him on a bit (shameful) but when it came to 'it' I was perhaps a *little bit* hysterical (with hindsight) 😳 rescued by a mate who broke the door down. Poor bloke, must have thought I was a right nutter. In my defence I was a bit confused then.

I like the idea of a *like* function as well....

I broke up with a girl because she insisted on holding my hand at the cinema 😆

I dumped a girl because she had this huge tongue, oral was great but every time she kissed me I felt violated. Shame because I was punching well above my weight with her but I just couldn't handle the tongue.

I ended it with a girl as I found out she was hugely into violence.

No word of a lie she wanted me to punch her and slap her. She got a huge handful of hair pulling my head right back whilst saying 'ooo you ****ing ****er do it'. I felt like I'd been in a street fight rather than a love-clinch 🙁

Maybe if there is a God, someone somewhere has met their match. Probably a Welsh bloke. I bet she'd love it when the Welsh lose at Rugby 😯 😆

In my defence I was a bit confused then.

So how d'you think he felt, eh?

I split with a girlfriend because she was just too nice. No matter what I said or did, that was fine. Turn up pissed...no problem. Decide to change plans at the last mnute....no problem. Did I mention that she was (a) stunning (b) exceptionally wealthy? Every (straight) man's dream, no?

Except that if I made a joke she'd laugh; anyone whe's met me will confirm that 60%+ of my jokes are poor puns at best, and unfunny at worst. I made worse and worse jokes, and she kept laughing. Just didn't matter what I said, it was a riot.

So I was dealing with a mental incompetent (unlikely - degree, masters. accountancy qualification) or a doormat. And I couldn't cope; I need to be challenged. So I dumped her.

The worst of it was that it was my birthday the following week, and she'd had some beautiful silver cufflinks commisssioned (I'm actually wearing them now, 20 years on), which she insisted on giving me. She's never been anything but lovely to me, and I was really not that nice to her.

Sorry Nicola.

I sort of lead him on a bit (shameful) but when it came to 'it' I was perhaps a *little bit* hysterical

[i]I wish we had a *like* function on this forum[/i]

I once dumped a girl because she thought every forum should be like bloody Facebook 😛

... because she was too nice. Really nice people are horrible.

I know, one girl I knew kept asking for me to poke her. 🙂

I dumped a girl because she had this huge tongue, oral was great but every time she kissed me I felt violated.

+1

I ended it with a girl as I found out she was hugely into violence.

No word of a lie she wanted me to punch her and slap her. She got a huge handful of hair pulling my head right back whilst saying 'ooo you * * do it'. I felt like I'd been in a street fight rather than a love-clinch

+1 but the moment i did make an attempt at going along with her wishes she'd claw chunks out of my back... oh and she took us back to her ex's place and he gave us permission to use his bed, very surreal evening!

I was dealing with a mental incompetent (unlikely - degree, masters. accountancy qualification) or a doormat. And I couldn't cope; I need to be challenged. So I dumped her.

+1 kinda... super lovely girl, madly in love with me, i couldn't do wrong and she couldn't do enough for me... but yeah, need to be challenged and told when i'm being a dick so i broke it off.

Phil I had another like this. She left (when it healed) white 'stripes' from my shoulders/down my back. **** it hurt!

I've dodged a few Bird Bullets me. One sticks out, just a two off date for supper nothing more, she was/is a bit of a stalker, who still on occasion tries to contact me (4 years later), scary, she's even turned up at my new home... thankfully MrsBouy wasn't in at the time.. It's been quiet of late, which means sometime soon I'm expecting the dreaded text/contact..

Ohhh, which brings me onto the STW collective...
Does anyone know how you can block texts BTW? I've blocked the number and deleted the contact but still get texts from this person...??? Galaxy S on 3 BTW

Why not have a cheeky shag on the side?

ohhh just remembered another one from when i was a young teenager, i dumped a girl because she always tasted of salt and vinegar crisps when we kissed... that was easily forgiven due to her, well i'm not going to lie... her boobs; but her best friend was really annoying and had a crush on my best mate at the time. we (my mate and I) decided the only way to stop her friend being annoying was to dump the salty boobed one.

I can't believe how many of you wusses don't like having a girl you can smash about... MTFU!

I'm a nice guy me, couldn't/wouldn't ever cheat on anyone..