Do you name your bikes or cars?

The little Mazda is called Heathcliffe, the campervan is called Clive.

The bike's don't have names.

I had a Big Hit that I called the Big Shit, as it was very heavy and I came to dislike it.

Other than that, not really.

Not normally, but a girl I fancied (and who didn't ride bikes) was very amused by the "Judy" emblazoned on the Rock Shox forks of my old Giant, so that was called Judy.

my 1966 mk1 mini cooper s was call muhammad (it was coined by someone else though). Other than that no.

Not in recent years but when my son was very young he used to name them based on the reg number......
ULC = Uncle
NPE = Nippy (appropriate as it was a Golf GTI)

Recently got a new car and was devastated when the wife pointed out it said "knob" so had to go for a private plate 🙁

No other than my Elise which eldest daughter named Brum Brum way back when I used to take her to nursery in it.

I don't, of course - why would I?

My youngest daughter likes to come up with names as a game, she doesn't really use them. We decided on Ian for the Hyundai, because it sort of sounds like it, and she was rather pleased to learn that Mercedes is actually a girl's name anyway and predates the car manufacturer.

Had a mini which was called Chuck (C160 HUK). Occasionally I refer to our Berlingo as The Donkey because it's old, smells, and is a bit of a mess but it still keeps on going.

does '5hitbox' count ?

I've not named cars, but some bikes have acquired names
Blue Stanton Slackline = Blue Steel
Metallic beige Davinci Dixon = Goldmember
Genesis road bike = Phil [Collins]

Haven't named my Orbea xc or NS enduro bikes yet

I don’t, of course – why would I?

Because it's vaguely whimsical and bikes and cars have their own character and resonance in your life I guess. No-one's saying you have to, but if it gives someone pleasure, then that seems fair enough.

My road bike is called Mog, partly because it's a fast kitty and partly because it dates back to a particular point in my life and reminds me of someone.

I guess personalisation of inanimate objects, maybe non-living objects, is slightly illogical, but it's maybe a reflection of the emotions they stir in you. Or maybe it's just shorthand to identify one of several bikes. But basically, why not?

All our cars have had names - current cars...

Ford Kuga = 'John'
Ford Fiesta = 'Fred'
Type R = 'Gimp Mobile' (this is what my 19yr old daughter calls my car!)

Never named a bike though

I dont. My wife does generally. Eric the Escort when we met, Nigel 940 (Volvo), Flappy-flappy (Alfa 147 with a flappy gearbox), and then Herr-Flappy (A3 with a DSG gearbox)...

I do name household items such as a hand blender Braun MR555 = Mr 555, Douglig is the Ikea bathmat

Bikes - nope.
Cars - generally nope; the exception being our Citroen C3 Picasso which was named 'The Shitroen'. Because it was.....shit.

Never, ever. Unless you count calling my 15 yr old Mazda 3 'a shitbox' as naming it.

No but my Eufy robotic vacuum cleaner is always called "Geufy" pronounced "Goofy". My wife thinks I'm weird for talking to the vacuum cleaner, can't think why.

Naming things isn't really my bag. A mate had a black Orange hardtail (02?)he named Diane Abbott, along with a bright pink Orange 5 called uhhh baby p.

It depends. A while back I had a battered old diesel Clio that was called Eugene by the kids. It seems constantly on the verge of just expiring, but always managed to pull through  We had plenty of adventures in it, and it remains a fond memory, but since than they've been a bit bland really (too reliable) so they don't have names

Nope.

Our son came up with 'Yoda' for our small clever car (Nissan Leaf) and 'Chewie' for the bigger stupid old ICE estate car. But we don't really use the names.

I do name household items such as a hand blender Braun MR555 = Mr 555, Douglig is the Ikea bathmat

Our electric whisk is called Sammy after a rat called Sammy Whiskers (Peter Rabbit). My wife rolls her eyes. HARD.

my 1966 mk1 mini cooper s was call muhammad

it wouldn't go to the mountain?

I forget people's names as it is without having to remember Bikey McBikeface of whatever as well.

I have only named a couple of my bikes and only on Strava because I was new to Strava and not sure it was a good idea to give actual details. So,

Slack Alice is a Nicolai Ion GPI (Geometron with a gearbox) named because back in 2016 it’s geometry was considered ridiculously slack.

Foxy is my Sick Wulfbaron named after Citizen Smith who wanted to be known as Wolfie but was always called Foxy by his girlfriend’s mum.

Cars no, bikes yes.

Mason Definition = Perry
Thorn Audax = Tracy
Pinnacle Arkose = Rocky

Not officially. We did refer to the C4 Grand Picasso as 'the bus' cos it was huge. I also referred more recently to a Vaux Insignia 4x4 estate as 'the heap of sh1t' after it ate its own engine 1 week after buying it.

But nothing ever has a proper name like Bob

Not a car but I know a keyboard player called Ian. He has a Roland piano and he's gaffer taped over the Ro and the d.

no it sounds stupid.
Those that do name them, do you smash a bottle of champagne of over it on the maiden ride/drive to give you good luck? 🤣

wifes car is SPxx ORS or "spors"

Spors being literal "fun" in scots gaelic

our last berlingo came to us from a friend whos kids had always called it bob.... as we had two berlingos at the time it became bob so we could differentiate ....

My first car was a red Citroen BX which I named the Red Barron

Never named a car or bike since then however

Naming a bike would mean it’s harder to get rid of when I inevitably want to upgrade after 12 months

No, but Mrs SSS calls her Merida 'Merry'

A few bikes and cars get named here:

Camper van was "Lizzie" cant remember why.
Shitty Volvo 440 was called "Chitty", made the oddest noises but never failed.
A metallic gold Fiat Strada had a rather inappropriate name that should stay in the depths of time.
The only bike I can think had a name was a MTB/Gravel frankenbike called "Frankie".

So from that list it seems only the really quirky ones get a name.

EDIT: The Irobot mop is affectionately named "molly". She is part of the family although the dog would rather she was not.

Bikes - no.
Cars - no

Campervan - yes. I've named ours Fanny, as in Fanny the Vanny. It has provided seconds of amusement on Facebook as I get to post stuff like "Fanny was a bit moist today" or "Out for a bit of Fanny action this weekend".

The kids do, I don't, but I go along with their ideas or they don't know what I'm talking about.

I'd just go with manufacturer names, I.e. "The Golf" or "The Mini". The only exception might be one of those cars where the name is so cringeworthy that I would HAVE to rename it, like that Kia Dad-Wagon "The Stinger". That would have to be renamed (and de-badged with pliers).

no it sounds stupid.
Those that do name them, do you smash a bottle of champagne of over it on the maiden ride/drive to give you good luck? 🤣

Of course it's stupid. Is everything you do sensible?

When we were kids, my aunt and uncle had 2 cars, both Ford Fiestas that apart from the number plate and a fractionally different shade of beige were identical.
The end letters were NTY and NCE so it was either the naughty car or the nice car. To us, as small children, this was hilarious.

My Transit is called Rt. Hon. Clem Vandango III

I’d just go with manufacturer names, I.e. “The Golf” or “The Mini”.

For some reason I feel like a knob referring to 'the Merc' so we tend to go with black car and white car, or big car/little car; and sometimes fast car/slow car as a reference to the Italian Job.

The daily driver doesn't have a name but anything I have for fun does get one eventually.

The Mini is called Georgie thanks to the number plate G61 = GGI = Georgie.
The Cotic Rocket is called Louise as it's one hell of a ride but can get me into serious trouble for my skillset without any difficulty.
The Canyon Neuron is called Gill after a girl I fancied back in school as it's sort of plain but looks better and better the more you look at it.
The Voodoo Hoodoo is called Ellie as the serial number sort of spells it out.

Might as well have some fun as life's far too crap on the whole!

The Canyon Neuron is called Gill after a girl I fancied back in school as it’s sort of plain but looks better and better the more you look at it.

I really thought that sentence was going to go in a different direction.

Nope I dont, it's an inanimate object so therefore doesnt get itself a name other than 'the yellow bike' 'the ebike' 'the big van' etc. I often find myself wondering whether any of these objects have the forum/voice to be able to request gender reassignments and the like. What if daisy is more of a david?!

Not as a rule. Though a long time ago my green Renault 5 was Kermit (green frog, geddit?).
I have a 90s Harry Hall 531C road bike called, unsurprisingly, Harry.

Not really but when the kids were little we used to have a Ford Galaxy that was known as "the family fun bus" - does that count?

Also I'm just in the process of buying a camper which has very definitely been named by its current owner. It's a local sale and it turns out we have a number of mutual friends so we're bound to keep bumping into each other. I just know she's going to continue referring to it by name.

Mine had names when I bought them. Like Passat and Instinct. Seems silly to apply additional information on top. It's not like I have 2 Passats and need to tell them apart.

it wouldn’t go to the mountain?

Muhammad Mini floats like a butterfly stings like a bee.

I often find myself wondering whether any of these objects have the forum/voice to be able to request gender reassignments and the like. What if daisy is more of a david?!

You can avoid this by choosing names that are gender neutral - pro tip 🙂