[Closed] Do you go to dinner parties?

With regard to black tie events:

Dinner parties are miserable, sad affairs, attended by soulless couples with nothing better to do with their lives than outdoing the other soulless couples that make up their dinner party 'circle'.

Grown men, forced to dress smart, dragged along unwillingly. Probably the only time they are 'allowed' out, and too scared of their scolding wife to actually enjoy themselves.

Talking shite all night about cheese and wine, or the latest book they have pretended to read, and bragging about their latest property valuation/investment portfolio/new car in that self-satisfying way which only dinner party couples can.

This.

I've never been to one and would consider myself socially inept at those types of conversations. I wouldn't enjoy it.

emsz - Member
Had one last night....If it's a hateful experience, you've invited the wrong people.

+1 emsz

Throw in a few rubbers (of bridge) at the end as well 😉 Next one tonight with Godson's family - oops another faux pas!!! Black tie is brilliant dress too - should be used more often!!!

I'm really, really surprised ar the ferocity of some of the answers. Sharing food and drinks with friends has been a regular part of my social life since I was a teenager. Of course sometimes it outdoors and we might then call it a barbecue.

^^That.

"[i]...acceptable[/i]" there's no judgement here. I realise that with threads about £100 jeans, £400 watches and £30000 cars, there are some people on STW who I share nothing in common with, other than mountain bikes.
I just wondered if those are the sort of people who go to formal dinner parties as I imagine them to be, based solely on seeing them on TV, and if dinner parties really are like that.

MidlandTrailquestsGraham - Member
"...acceptable" there's no judgement here.

I guess you need a dining table for dinner parties? That's me relegated to 'come round for dinner' then.

My question was mainly inspired by the recent Daily Mail frowning woman with a Mamil husband story and her embarrassment of him talking about cycling at a dinner party.

used to throw bridge parties, smoke a load of dope, eat pizza and play bridge into the early hours does that count ?

[OT]

I so hope to go back for a cycle tour

Eeer, let me know if you want another member of the team would you? I'm not kidding!

[/OT]

I'm pretty sure the disconnect here does revolve around the connotations of the phrase "Dinner Party".

I met transposrter13 once and I can confirm he's a cheery chap. But he didn't invite me to dinner, so who knows what would happen in that situation 😉

[b][/b]there's no judgement here.[b] I realise that with threads about £100 jeans, £400 watches and £30000 cars, there are some people on STW who I share nothing in common with, other than mountain bikes.
I just wondered if those are the sort of people who go to formal dinner parties as I imagine them to be, based solely on seeing them on TV, and if dinner parties really are like that.

Does the fact that some people can afford some of this stuff, instantly relegate them to having nothing in common with you?

Some of my mates are loaded, some are skint - we all have things in common

Is "dinner" served at 13:00 or 20:30?

Does the fact that I don't have any of that stuff instantly relegate me to being unable to afford it? 😉

Does the fact that some people can afford some of this stuff, instantly relegate them to having nothing in common with you?

Sounds like he doesn't want to find out and rather judge them based on TV.

Is "dinner" served at 13:00 or 20:30?

12 noon for me, I can't make it till 1

Don't hide your lamp under a bushel thm, iirc from the political threads you dine with all sorts of politicians and well-connected folk. (In the evening)

Where does "inviting a couple of mates over for food and some kind of alcoholic drink" stop and "dinner party" start? Is there a clear indicator we can use as a benchmark? Napkins? (Subdivided into kitchen roll, paper and cloth) Amuse-bouches? Staff?

No never .I dont have those sort of friends and hope I never will

Years ago I'd both entertain and be entertained. It was a lovely time in my life and one where I made some very long standing friends.
What ended it was the second Property Crash. Dear God the whining and whinging about Property prices, the negative equity trap, coupled with the onset of Baby producing and folks loosing Jobs, career crisis and an exodus out of London to the provinces killed what was for about 3 years a very enjoyable and social time.
A lot of folks I met than Sailed, raced Bikes, Cars, had great jobs and were enjoying every moment of their lives then all within 8-9mths it turned to shit and the rot set in very very quickly and it looked for a short time that we were loosing friends at least one couple per week. Folks became so self absorbed and insular that less time spend chatting and meeting up meant more time for me and MrsBouy and we kinda got used to that.
Post the Crash and it'd gawn and it's been that way since. We are about as insular as most now and only really keep in contact with a few close friends who escaped Town in the first wave.

Formality, well we had that, we used to make some great efforts with themes, some were just simple and some more elaborate. The Venetian Mask one was a total hoot and we still giggle about that to this day. None were Black Tie but I did go to a few that were organised by my then Boss to encourage Business but I couldn't be bothered and he clearly knew that. Talking crap out of the office is 10x more dull that talking about it in.

So now no, no we don't. Most of our friends have Kids and thats the biggest barrier to anything remotely like true friendship, theres always the easy answer "oh can't make it, little Henry's got....(insert 1000 excuses here).."

Shame really because those times were indeed very very special indeed.

Hey Ho, suns out and my Roadies calling and my legs are twitching... 8)

Does the fact that I don't have any of that stuff instantly relegate me to being unable to afford it?

Touchè 😉

I realise that with threads about £100 jeans, £400 watches and £30000 cars, there are some people on STW who I share nothing in common with, other than mountain bikes.

It can be difficult, but try not to be so narrow-minded in determining whether you have much in common with others. Be a bit more broadminded. Your impression of what a dinner party is, for instance, seems to be largely informed by media stereotypes, rather than real life.

And, though it probably doesn't need to be said, just because somebody likes different things to you doesn't mean they can't be your friend. 😆

SOH, Julian, SOH....

It's refreshing to go to a DP with people you have little in common with. You get to learn new things.

I realise that with threads about £100 jeans, £400 watches and £30000 cars, there are some people on STW who I share nothing in common with, other than mountain

There are bound to be some people on STW that you have nothing in common with other than mountain bikes.

It's a massive group of people who have been brought together purely because of one single shared interest.

However, deciding who those people are based purely on how much they decide to spend on a watch or jeans is pretty narrow minded.

I would spend time with someone wearing a nice watch and expensive jeans without noticing, but someone who makes ill informed judgements about people based on reverse snobbery would be very easy to spot and avoid.

I had to google SOH, i thought it was some sort of code I had not learnt through being at the wrong [s]dinner parties[/s] DP's.

These people you have little in common with thm, they are the ones with the red ties, right? 😀

[edit] last dinner party i went to had five nationalities and five different first languages present (no mean feat in the south west, i tell thee), amongst who were two teachers, a carpenter, a plumber, a data entry drone, two drug reps and a podiatrist. But no politicians. Oh i did drink in a pub with David Jamieson once but peanuts and pork scratchings maketh not a dinner party?

However, deciding who those people are based purely on how much they decide to spend on a watch or jeans is pretty narrow minded.

Wrong Wrong Wrong Comrade. It's far more broad minded to not [s]afford[/s] be seduced by such fripperies and baubles of the bourgeoisie and just break bread with your common man.

Nah, 'net chat innit...(so someone told me recently!).

my party last night had a drug dealer*, 2 lesbians, a skateboarder, a math geek, an aspey and a couple of nigerians.

* he's not really, one of those blokes who always seems to 'do alright' regardless of the fact that he doesn't have a great job, dresses nice, smells good, drives a nice car. Drug dealer, has to be, right?

On the 30K car/400 watch thing - Probably describes me (and I'm not taking any offence at the comment) but everything's relative. I've ended up on bike holidays with a few multi-millionaires and they've all been fantastic people - they're definitely friends now and we've done bike trips most years. On the surface you'd never know they were very well off.

One thing's for sure, after reading this thread there are plenty of forum members who are never getting a ****ing invite.

Staggering levels of bell-whiffery in here.

Good wine? What's wrong with 12 cans of lager and some crisps?

Plus, you don't really have a party at dinner time, parties are for the evening/night time, unless you're LL Cool J.

Confused about the £400 watch thing? Was a zero missed by accident? That's very much in the gauche quartz territory.

Confused about the £400 watch thing? Was a zero missed by accident? That's very much in the gauche quartz territory.

I did kind of think the same thing.

My watch was £400 (12 years ago) and although it's a vary nice watch, I have never considered it to be in any way flashy of overly expensive. It was a nice present from a group of people for my 30th.

I destroy watches with a dull regularity that even I find faintly tedious. I could never trust myself with anything more that a cheap casio. It always seem to come as a surprise that I'm expected to behave like an adult.

We did one pre kids. It was the full on willy waving type affair, property prices, golf club, how well I'm doing in my career. We knew one couple, it was supposed to be a networking opportunity. After a few drinks it was very difficult to bite my tongue or stay polite. Never again.

Any gathering now is more Tom and Barbara rather than Jerry and Margo. And it will be outside with the BBQ and a fire pit. Indoor ones are left to those with big enough houses so people aren't sat on deck chairs.

Nope we don't really cook for each other unless a night in with some hash brownies and a pizza counts 😆 the closest I've come to one recently is going round my girlfriends house and sharing a takeaway with her, her sister and her boyfriend 😕 I guess it's just not the done thing at our age.

Confused about the £400 watch thing? Was a zero missed by accident? That's very much in the gauche quartz territory.

£30k cars and £100 jeans are fairly standard fare too, I'd imagine - although a few on here seem to get in a lather about such things

I've been to plenty of "dinner parties" where it's me and my OH going round to a friend's house for dinner. Glass of wine, a good natter with old friends, maybe a board game or something. What's not to like?

OTOH, a "dinner party" full of people I don't know, dressed like a penguin, I'll pass thanks. I've dodged the bullet this year of the horror that is the "work Christmas do"; forty quid for a set meal which I probably can't eat and almost certainly won't like, in the company of people I kind of know a bit be nature of sharing office space for eight hours a day, no ta. There's a few at work I know / like well enough to go for a pint with perhaps, but enforced awkward socialising for someone who's a bit Aspie just fills me with dread.

Is a dinner party going round to friends for dinner or are we talking something formal?

Therein lies the rub...

There was a bloke at a recent dinner party I went to who had spent £3k on a bike to ride up muddy tracks? After a few minutes, others found some common ground to talk about, so he was alright....

Slowoldman - surely it's whatever makes you feel comfortable? Horses for courses (well not literally unless we are in France)

I'm 25. If I ever get asked to a dinner party in the next 5 years it better be an incredibly thinly masked euphemism.

It's bad enough going to the yearly school-lads-xmas pissup. Had one chump last week touting loudly how next year he reckon he will pull 40k in his recruitment job, despite the very small fact he's only been there two months and not even passed probation yet. And that takes place in a Indian -> Pub -> Nightclub progression. Imagine not being able to escape some closet doggers living room.

"Dinner Party" it seems, is a dirty word. Probably fair enough as it dredges up connotations of the kind of dinner parties you see in adverts on TV. And adverts on TV make everything look like the worst kind of cringe-fest so it's natural people will baulk at the idea.

However if you genuinely can't imagine enjoying some food and booze with your friends than the problem is almost certainly with you and not the concept of sharing a meal with people.

Pretending to yourself that everybody is an idiot except you and that's why you never lower yourself to attending such things is just lazy and a convenient excuse to be anti-social really.

My group of friends organised a dinner party type thing, where everybody cooked a dish to bring along, and we all sat down and had a nice meal with wine and candles and all that.
It was actually really nice, but after the food was done it did turn into the standard piss up (not surprising given that we're a bunch of 18 year olds).

but after the food was done it did turn into the standard piss up (not surprising) [s]given that we're a bunch of 18 year olds).[/s]

It's not just 18 year olds.

I'm early 40's and my experience is exactly the same.

My parents are early 70's and their's are exactly the same.

However if you genuinely can't imagine enjoying some food and booze with your friends than the problem is almost certainly with you and not the concept of sharing a meal with people.

Pretending to yourself that everybody is an idiot except you and that's why you never lower yourself to attending such things is just lazy and a convenient excuse to be anti-social really.

This + 100000

The trick to hosting a good dinner party is quality soft drinks. The sober one is the most miserable by definition keep them happy and you're on to a winner!

*often me not drinking sl i know whati am talking about.

However this afternoons dinner party will definitely involve drinkypoos!

Pretending to yourself that everybody is an idiot except you and that's why you never lower yourself to attending such things is just lazy and a convenient excuse to be anti-social really