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A slight different perspective on this Ton....
Tough love was the answer for me (Even though you can argue it was not that tough.) But acting the clown between the ages of 19-24 has shaped my entire adult life.
How could it have been different? I wish we had all kept talking, I wish that there had been another way to break my sense of entitlement, but ultimately I was my own worst enemy. As I have grown older I have realized that Mum and dad did exactly the right thing, I just wish the communication hadn't broken down totally like it did.
Honestly, this is quite well written, you could do worse than put it in a letter to them.
A few of my friends went off the rails at age 19, I really don't think it's that uncommon. The tough love thing has worked for most of my friends, but then none of them went really that far, and plus, they were all surrounded by a good group of friends (possibly the most important thing).
My Sister and I were given equal treatment/love and she turned out as selfish and evil as they come.
She became a solicitor and thus perfect for the job as it is everyones fault expcept hers.
My Parents love her but are always on guard and seldomly talk to her.
The day she left, everyone was happier.
Very hard situation OP. Don't know how I would cope if at all. I think you have done well to cope for so far.
70's lot that really gave up on continuing that - a lot of them seem very comfortable and happy with the status quo.
Not this one!