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No need to apologise mate - as I said I’m quick to think people are having a go at me.
It’s a complicated thing this depression - I started new meds yesterday and it’s properly thrown me off balance. Depression is a bastard
Hello to the other sufferers on the thread, a hug from me if it helps, and thank you to those who replied or mentioned me. faerie, I'm sorry, that is such a sad story. My dad died unexpectedly after a period of ill-feeling/hostility between us. I have spent a lot of my life since trying to 'be him' using my memory of what he was like as a model of what to be like, and, I suppose, to keep him alive in some way. So much so I'm confused about who 'I' am. In reply to a reply. actually I think it did help writing it down, thanks, for a while I reread what I had written over and over. I think I am encircled by my own 'low' view of the world. Little things that people do add up to damning condemnations of people's/the world's whole intransigent selfishness, and an idea of a hopeless situation. I think it used to be a way of keeping myself going -- because I know I am not as awful as Boris Johnson, for example -- being critical was comforting, now I feel overwhelmed by the 'badness' that I have 'read' into the world (although BJ, a man who won't acknowledge the children he has fathered through affairs and an arrogant liar, is still pretty awful, whatever your political ideas).
in my experience, a great deal of successful suicides are carefully planned, pre planned and considered, which points away from a lack of capacity.
I don't know what your experience is, but studies don't bear this out. In the us, where gun ownership is widespread, it's been shown as a result of interviews with survivors, that often the decision to take one's own life and acting on it are separated by minutes. That's why bridges have netting on them. If you make it more difficult often the impulse dissipates.
Always enjoy your threads SaxonRider! Best wishes to you and all the other sufferers on this thread. You are all doing great and please keep talking.
Del
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I don’t know what your experience is, but studies don’t bear this out. In the us, where gun ownership is widespread, it’s been shown as a result of interviews with survivors, that often the decision to take one’s own life and acting on it are separated by minutes
If your post is not some weird tongue in cheek thing. Show me just one of these studies you reference please. People overwhelmingly shoot themselves in the head/face/neck if using a gun ... there wont be many in that study group to draw a reliable conclusion from.
I've no interest in scoring points on this thread.
The article I was specifically thinking of was this one : https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/02/making-a-different-case-for-guns-as-a-public-health-issue/
Tough couple of days for me too.
I often get confused thinking about the details that are causing it. Sometimes I can pin point something, other days it's just a huge wave of depression. Today I feel very anxious. I can't keep any concentration. I am noticing that social interactions are becoming more difficult for me. And it happens a lot at very short notice. Say I have planned to do a running race with the club. It would normally be a great way to meet others, have a random chat and enjoy the day together. As soon as I wake up that morning I get filled with dread and start to doubt why I'm going. I feel like I just want to be invisible when I get there and that nobody talk to me. I'll come across as reasonably normal, but maybe a little reserved. Now after a weekend of being in a social situation, I've curled up into myself feeling very vunerable. And I've got work to do, and lots of it needs doing today.
Really Feel for everyone on this thread, Faerie just a massive virtual hug 🙁
Ive been Off meds for most of this year and its been "OK" mostly, I can pretty much cope at the moment.
Just come home from Holiday to the news I am being given notice on my current contract, so we`ll see how that pans out in a couple of weeks.
Strangely im pretty calm about it, and looking forward to the change.
Suicide for me has been thought of at a very rational level at various times in my life, never as an emotional reaction.
The last time was earlier in the year and it was just a fleeting thing while I was in the garage.
But the thought of one of my kids finding me horrified me and it was gone.
I dont think people who have never experienced it, have any comprehension of how empty an existence it is living with Depression. its not sad, its not anxiety it is on the whole a massivley draining trudge through an absence of anything.
Its crazy how hard it is to just put one foot in front of the other some days, and how shattered you are at the end of it.
who thought feeling nothing for vast chunks of time could be so wearing....
On the whole things are ok now, but the black dog still visits from time to time