andy4d - Member
Has she got massive....sorry I won't go there. Just see how the night goes. Chat/listen and be a friend. What will be will be. We are all adults and it's not for others to judge
This - play it by ear fella 🙂
Responsibility and Decorum. On at least one level- if it goes tits up and she subsequently has a breakdown at work. You'll look like a great bloke wont you.
It is possible to support someone and be friends. Why do most blokes think with their dicks? This is coming from me and I'd still use my head and look after her. Not myself.
Maybe she just wants a FWB. Can you handle that?
hora
if it goes tits up
Internet high 5 sire
Well I was a good boy to the end. A couple of drinks, a chat, a turned down offer of a chinese and I went home.
Shes totally DTF though...
Better to let that one go. Never play where your mortgage/income depends on. A nasty breakup and seeing each other daily wouldn't be fun
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Grant earlier tonight
Had to google DTF 🙂
I think as you get older you just don't pussy about so much and she's in a strange place.
Grant_Richards - Member
...Shes totally DTF though...
If that's your actual name, I hope she's not googling you right now...
Also had to goodle DTF - a new acronym will now be inserted innapropriately into corporate blah blah meetings.
Well you couldn't have DFS as you'd just have people interested in sofas 8)
DTF = davidtaylforth??
Makes you think.
Ok... So if she is an adult, and knows what she wants, and you play by the "campground rule", doesn't she get to take these decisions? Isn't it a bit condescending and even slightly sexist to be overprotective?
Having said which, depends on how big your workplace is, and the risk of anything making life there tricky in the future. But that sounds like something which you could have an honest discussion about with her, if you wanted to.
what he said
the issues are
1. IS she vulnerable re the death or is she just "enjoying a new lease of life"- marriage may not have been happy etc
2. What are the work implications if it goes all wrong?
Makes you [s]think.[/s] do a little sick into your mouth
Slightly sexist?she's on bearevement leave from work when a colleague decides to crack on. On a very basic level how would you see this? The fact that she's still off work suggests it wasn't that long ago or she's told work that she is still struggling.
Creepy?
Gooseberry
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[/img]Wait, you said gooseberry, I thought you meant [i]raspberry[/i]!
As you were. 😉
People seem to be excluding the possibility that she has a say in this.
Reverse the sexes and think about it.
Have we checked that there isn't a parallel thread running on this on Mumsnet? 😕
Have we checked that there isn't a parallel thread running on this on Mumsnet?
Where "going for a Chinese" is akin to Centreparcs?
YOLO?
Sorry.
I once dated a widow, a good 18 months after his untimely accidental death. I didn't know him but a few good fiends did, these friends set me up with her.
I only visited her house a couple of times. But when I did it creeped me out a little. There were photographs of him everywhere - a small shrine in the hall with candles etc.
He was spoken about every day by her and her friends - all her family still lived back in Asia but when they spoke on Skype I'd hear his name mentioned.
If there was a spark between us I think I'd have tried to stick it out a little longer than the few dates we had. But it was just a bit too much for me.
On the one hand she could be ready to move on in which case you've just got the usual pitfalls of dating/sleeping with someone you work with to worry about.
On the other hand she might think she's ready to move, then (after you've slept together) realises she isn't then you've got the usual pitfalls of dating/sleeping with someone you work with x100
I'd certainly be taking things extra slowly for a while...
MAybe she's just wanting to get laid.... women have desires too.
People seem to be excluding the possibility that she has a say in this.
Reverse the sexes and think about it.
Advice would stand, sexes reversed, sexes the same and any various modern inclusive combinations. Between the berieved, work colleague, still on sick leave bits I'd be going as a friend to have a drink and a chat. Nothing more and have a good line sorted for a polite decline just in case.
weeksy - MemberMAybe she's just wanting to get laid.... women have desires too.
I agree, but I don't think I could cope with the potential emotional fallout after the act, especially as it seems so soon after the death.
No updates from OP?
Wonder how it went?
Nothing more and have a good line sorted
I don't think drugs are the answer.
You could have worked harder on your alias, too.
Back a pagebigyinn - MemberNo updates from OP?
Wonder how it went?
Pay attention at the back.
I've reined it in. She's been off since Jan and says she won't be returning. I weighed up the pros and cons and without knowing her expectations decided to do not a lot. I'm not interested in a relationship I don't think, partly due to her 3 young kids. So I think that's that.
She's incessantly messaging me at all hours. Maybe she just wants a root. But without knowing, I'm doing nothing.
Those seem good reasons to step back. But good you went out with her once.
You are both grown ups, you can find a diplomatic way to ask - you can be a friend with benefits ?
She's incessantly messaging me at all hours.
I'm not sure these things are compatible tbhyou can be a friend with benefits ?
Sorry, in skim reading the thread I somehow missed the OPs results post.
Sounds like you did the right thing and also sounds like she is a bit too keen.....
She's incessantly messaging me at all hours
Defo DTF 🙂
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Here's an on odd concept. Be a friend for her. Why is it 'she's asking for it etc'. She might be, partly because emotionally she's all-over the place.
Be a friend. I've been friends with females before who need advice, a shoulder etc.
Personally I love a good joke but if I think someone of the opposite sex is vulnerable or possibly not in the best place it's not a turn on. All bets are cancelled. Maybe being brought up by my mum alone triggers this side, empathy?
Maybe she just wants a root.
Sounds like she does. 😉
Here's an on odd concept. Be a friend for her.
Why's it odd?
Also, do you want to be her friend OP? I know I'm quite picky about mine, and it sounds like it could be a cross to bear. Not that you shouldn't do it, but I'd advise thinking carefully.
It's just odd that we weren't friends before really. Talk when we saw each other but not friends. I'm happy to be someone to talk to. Just not sure about how to avoid anything else. Or maybe not. I'll play it by ear. But damn she's hot
But damn she's hot
If she's not coming back to work, and you can have a grown-up chat first about 'FWB' rather than diving into a relationship then I'd be very tempted to give her what she wants... ;o)
She's attractive,how about the life insurance paid out yet?
I'll see myself out!
If she's not coming back to work, and you can have a grown-up chat first about 'FWB' rather than diving into a relationship then I'd be very tempted to give her what she wants... ;o)
TBH it's certainly worthy of mature consideration*.
*The mature part being that you potentially could still work together and there's three kids involved.
as Weeksy says women have desires too and she may well want to get laid . . .
but speaking as a girl if I felt like that and then did happen to go on a date with a guy from work . . . I'd feel a lot better afterwards if it went far enough that I felt desired but not too far that it caused a whole heap of problems
Just because we want something it doesn't mean it will make the situation better.
. . . but good luck getting out alive if she's in some grief driven rampant sex pest mood!!!
