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We need to come together.
Real meaning: I f*** hate everyone, literally f*** everyone around me and would sooner use heat rub on the old todger to knock one out with than even think of being in the same room with these arse holes.
I thought the real meaning of that phrase was the biscuit game.
I only just heard of cisgender.
I am so out of touch and bloody pleased that I am.
Lets deepdive... How about you do an in-depth review instead you shitehawk??!!
moving forward
Metrics. I hate that word almost as much as 'Ciao'.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don't know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners, doesn't get out of bed for less than £800 a day, 5 bedroom detached house in Beckenham and yet he's as ordinary modest and down to earth at home and around his pals as you could ever wish for from what on paper should be a complete city tosser. I love him for the fact hes remains exactly the same bloke he was when he was poor and thumbing lifts to get to climbing weekends in North Wales. He now makes those trips in a very ordinary car and still great friends with, by his standards, a bunch of total Northern losers.
Off topic nana but I still like the story bud.
He sounds like one of the good guys.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master
I had to Google that.
https://www.scrum.org/pathway/scrum-master
As described in the Scrum Guide, the Scrum Master is responsible for promoting and supporting Scrum. Scrum Masters do this by helping everyone understand Scrum theory, practices, rules, and values. This Scrum Master learning path provides a structured guide to help you understand the role of the Scrum Master with a way to continue learning on your journey as a Scrum Master.
The learning path is organized by a set of Professional Scrum Competencies which each contain a number of focus areas. Resources are laid out in a prescribed order, however it is your journey, so follow in the best way that helps you learn.
I do that...got a certificate for it as well.
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does
I quite like using Agile for project management, but it suffers from the usual bollocks so people can make money out of consultancy and training.
I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
I both like and hate AGILE. I like what it’s supposed to do, but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
Too true.
Thats why we use a combination of Waterfall for the Strategic stuff and Agile for the Tactical and Dev stuff.
Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology. My CISO has no idea what Agile is apart from “working more flexible and multitasking”
🤷♂️
People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.
Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.
I have no ****ing idea what anyone is talking about in here. Are you ringfencing unicorns?
but hate that it’s pushed onto every situation by managers who don’t really understand its limitations in small teams.
Or large teams, for that matter.
The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?
I have no **** idea what anyone is talking about in here.
+1 . It feels like sitting at the bar next to some people who are on the awayday from hell.
At least we now know which members talk bollocks for a living.
People are generally promoted to levels of incompetence and the jargon helps them believe their self delusions and justify their existence.
Some may say that’s harsh, it is however true.
Bullseye Slackers !!!!
The big company I work for has gone from waterfall to agile delivery of everything and I mean multiyear longterm investments. Quite how the hell that works is beyond me. I kid you not they are actively searching for unicorns, wtaf.
Everyone in the company has attended agile training and you need to conform or your marked as a non believer. They are trying to make a very traditional company (oil operator) more flexible but hell it's funny. I work from home now mostly!
The ironing in this thread is strong. WTaF are you all on about?
That's the only post I've understood.
The SW team at work is Agile, but they still seem to follow the waterfall work flow, plan something completely inappropriate, spend years working on it and then deliver a broken crock of shite which doesn't do anything useful. They have scrum masters and everything.....
All too many companies think they are doing scrum by going through the motions of the ceremonies. When you actually look at it they are still basically in a waterfall world.
Agile needs trust and competence from both product owners and the delivery teams for it to work. As soon as you don't have that it will fail to deliver.
Don’t go chasing waterfalls, just stick to the rivers and the streams that you’re used to.
Scrum-diddly-umptious.
And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.
Reach out
It just means 'ask', so ****ing say 'ask'!
And this is why we are absolutely screwed as a species. Rather than tackle things with straight talk we feel the need to go around the houses talking shite.
Brilliant 🙂
Naaah.. that's all total bollocks to me ..
My pet hate ( face to face ) is anyone starting a sentence with..So..
I've already lost interest and have completely switched off and Im looking for the quickest exit..
‘Slackers’????! 😳 Thank you for your agreement and recognition for my post @cheekyboy, bit familiar though 😉
Pfft you lot need to touch base with the movers and shakers to leverage the interdepartmental synergies and pick off that low hanging fruit before getting your ducks in a row to tackle the elephant in the room.
My son said I was “sick” on a bike.
Obvs,I was stoked.
🙂
Brexit means Brexit...
I want the UK to leave the EU, but I can't think of a single beneficial reason to do so for the population at large. 😉
Agree on some PM’s not understanding the methodology.
Methodology, there's an oft misused word.
I read that bit on scrum masters. It’s obviously in English, I recognise all the words, but I have no comprehension of what the words, as laid down in that order, actually mean!
Is it ‘cos I is stupid, innit?
Ever since Agile came along nothing works properly. Every piece of software that we use for running our e-commerce companies feels like it's half finished, despite the fact that we're paying significant sums to use it.
JP
Whenever I hear someone say "deep dive" I always reply, in my head, " I'd rather muff dive". One day I'll forget and say it out load.
Latest bollocks phrase that everyone's started using where i work is "in this space".
One of my scruffy climbing and outdoors mates is a Scrum Master (I still don’t know what he actually does) and talks about agile delivery and uses all the bollox speak you expect from Londoners
I've been on a fully "agile" project since xmas, and tbh it's great. We tell our client how much work we can realistically do in a "sprint" (4 week development+delivery period), we do it, and then we start again. Happy client with regular deliveries of software with new functionality, happy developers with realistic targets and realistic delivery dates. There's a bit of marketing/management bull**** to live with, but the overall experience has been very positive. YMMV of course 🙂
I'm lost and I'm a Chartered Accountant. I assume this is all techy bull, as all the consultant's deliver is crap systems. Our place has a new super fantastic system, that doesn't work. Farkin great, as it's lost us a shoot load of money as it doesn't work. Guess who has to look after the 'losses'....
Something i see in thread titles on here
What blah blah blah "du jour" ?
Obviously the more plain and simply term "currently popular" simply isnt high brow enough to sound "on point"
bunch of cock.
Journey is a popular one at my place to describe customers going from buying something to checking out. The word works, but just seems condescending somehow. Like the customer is off searching for lost Inca gold when in fact they are sat at home in their underwear clicking a mouse button.
How can we improve the customer journey = Our website is a bit shit and needs improvement.
"Road Map" - to describe a set of pre-planned, cast in stone, organisational changes.
Something i see in thread titles on here
What blah blah blah “du jour” ?
Obviously the more plain and simply term “currently popular” simply isnt high brow enough to sound “on point”
bunch of cock.
I think this has almost become a meme here, like "[something]trackworld" and "this [object]? why yes, yes it is".
what's the "go to" annoys me infinitely more
Agile works when everyone understands and does it properly which is almost never.
Even we brought a PM to a 12 week proof of concept which we did with Agile, and she just kept producing status reports and asking how things were going when the Kannan board was up in the office for everyone to see.
I’ve been on a fully “agile” project since xmas, and tbh it’s great. We tell our client how much work we can realistically do in a “sprint” (4 week development+delivery period), we do it, and then we start again. Happy client with regular deliveries of software with new functionality, happy developers with realistic targets and realistic delivery dates. There’s a bit of marketing/management bull* to live with, but the overall experience has been very positive. YMMV of course
This +1
It needs to lose a lot of the *y language though Scrum master (really!) Sprint - what about sustainable pace you ****tards?
And don't get me started on ceremonies - ceremonial they are not.
Having said that, look at the agile manifesto, stick to some of this, add in a couple more values
Leadership over management
Mindset over ability to use a framework
and there is a lot of good stuff