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Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
My pension plan is to sell up buy a motorhome and drive round until all my money has gone then top myself.
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
MAkes life worse ? What the holy F…. Couldn’t be any further from my experience
Obviously whether kids improve your life or make it worse depends on how good/bad your life was before. My life with my kids is fantastic. It's a constant laugh, we're always out kayaking/sailing/biking/camping. But my life before kids was also a a constant laugh, and I was always out doing the outdoor stuff I loved (in a less limited way), and without the unimaginable amount of graft and inconvenience that goes with kids.
it should be equally desired by both parties.
In my bubble children are rarely desired equally by both parties. Desire for Children is more generally a female thing. For example thinking back to my school days I don't think us lads were endlessly planning for, and discussing, marriage and children from six or eight years old the way my daughter and her friends do. For many women nurturing (and complaining about having to nurture) is a desirable hobby in itself. Less so for men IME.
My pension plan is to sell up buy a motorhome and drive round until all my money has gone then top myself.
If this goes badly you'll have a Bedford Rascal camper and you'll top yourself somewhere just outside of Worthing. No-one will find you until summer by which time your bloated corpse will be attracting the local wildlife and infested with maggots.
I'd rather top myself than live in a motorhome. What a strange world we live in!
what is your age, or more importantly your wifes age?
this is important as you may find there are certain rules around fertility treatment for your area. So if stuff doesn’t go to plan you need to know how quickly you should be engaging help from the NHS.
This could be important I agree. Some Trusts provide the NICE recommended 3 cycles for anyone without children struggling to conceive (I am not aware of any that will provide IVF if one or the other would-be parents already have children), some fewer, some none at all (or so restrictive to be practically none at all). The rate of male infertility these days is shockingly high (I remember reading recently it is around 20%) so even if you *DO* want children, it may not happen and, depending on your postcode, you may get little or no help from the NHS. Our twin girls (now aged 10) were conceived through IVF (male infertility). Fortunately we were successful first time as it cost us almost £6,000 and we could not have afforded another attempt. I know of friends that tried multiple times (>10) unsuccessfully which eventually tore them apart so be mentally prepared from the outset that things aren't always as easy as you may think they will be.
But good luck – they are the most stressful things at times (we have one with some severe anxiety issues) but equally can bring you wonderful times (we have just heard that one has just passed her Grade 2 flute exam with a Distinction) 🙂
pray you get an easy one and read this not really understanding the fuss other parents make about a couple of missed hours
When our midwife did a home visit we complained about lack of sleep. Midwife asked how much we were getting. We told her if you added it up we were probably getting 8 hours a night. We didn't get as much sympathy as we'd hoped. 🙂
Firstly, I don't think the OP's replied yet, STW is playing the usual game of top tropes, and I'd guess good for six pages. That's a clear 9/10.
Okay...
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
The Wipearsatron II. Or basically anyone other than my kids.
Re shagging,"They're trying for a baby" is a phrase you don't hear much these days. The skills involved on the mans part are highly underrated. It's very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Fine wines, Belgian chocolates, bish bash bosh, job's a guddun. Over-disclosure: doing this everyday's routine for a couple in their 20's. By #3 and mid-30s having had the shit kicked out of us by two small ones it may become more of a grind. Push on through for a quick win.
It’s very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Very much like, except it's the wife. 🙂
From all my friends that have had trouble making little ones the only advice I can offer is to make sure your life is as stress-free as you can. Adding pressure of conceiving on top of other pressures just makes it harder to happen. Good luck!
Turned out we’d been ‘trying” for longer than I’d realised. Seems to be more common than you’d hoped.
Had that with an ex, despite me having had the talk with her early on about how I didn't want kids. Later found out she had planned it from the start, thought I'd change my mind! Had the snip as soon as we split up, which was a shock to her when she phoned me and asked to meet up as a way to try and get back together.
If no one has spotted the lack of OP response and obvious thread to bait the masses yet, then standards are slipping round here.
Bring back Cressers!
conscientious values that are held by people who are worried about their impact on the planet are exactly the kind of values we need to be propagated in society in order to save it.
That is true. However, those that I know who have kids almost any sense of reason or ecological consciousness goes straight out the window.
Ferrying the kids about. Toys, almost exclusively plastic. Holidays on a beach in the sun, because who wants an active holiday in rainy UK?
My sister claims to be doing her bit for the environment because she is on a Facebook group where they share tips. Still going to Portugal this year. They still have two cars.
And she is not the only one. Parents become very me-me-me very quickly, ime.
On another note... Friends of ours with kids seem to be a lot shoutier than they were before kids.
The GF's b-in-l has been visiting a sleep clinic for the last few months due to not having had a solid nights sleep in the last five years. Obviously partly his fault for getting up each time kiddo made a noise and letting them both sleep in the parents bed. Looking back at photos from their wedding you would think their wedding was 15 years ago. It was seven.
My pension plan is to sell up buy a motorhome and drive round until all my money has gone then top myself.
Very much my idea, too.... **** dying in a hospital or worse, a hospice.
Be prepared for the crushing disappointment, bimonthly episodes of grief, the occasional miscarriage and the emotional breakdown of your wife after
spending all your savings on IVF
doesn't work either...
Adoption is an option, but bear in mind that healthy, un-traumatised kids are not normally up for adoption
If no one has spotted the lack of OP response
Ahem
Firstly, I don’t think the OP’s replied yet, STW is playing the usual game of top tropes, and I’d guess good for six pages. That’s a clear 9/10.
I mean we're getting grade II flute exam results here!
Holidays on a beach in the sun, because who wants an active holiday in rainy UK?
Sorry and the problem is?
We nearly missed the boat and had to pay (a lot) for IVF because my wife had just turned 35 when we spoke to the consultant. However we’d be in the system for about a year, and had been trying since she turned 30.
Everyone is different, I'm 33 and my wife is 35 and we conceived without really trying, thought I'd get more practice in TBH... She'll actually be 36 when the child is born. We thought she'd be high risk but cos she is in okay shape she is actually low risk.
Risk increases heavily if the first child is conceived at 40 or later and you will always get risk profiled for Downs prior to that. If you go through IVF, then it's possible to ask for the more expensive tests too.
WRT IVF, it is a total test of a relationship and will expose any small flaws that are present or could develop. it's really difficult to communicate how much strain several failed cycles puts on you as a couple, especially when/if the cycle is successful during the implantation stage and only fails in mid7late term. The worst is losing the foetus just before it is old enough to have reasonably developed lungs and therefore be a viable baby.
Yeah, that's pretty much impossible to explain.
If it were me I'd just stop using contraception and cart on as normal. As much as I like horizontal jogging and being on a promise is cool, I'm not sure as I'd want to set recurring Alexa alarms for it. But then, I want kids about as much as I want an elephant so what would I know, each to their own.
None of you clever know what right for other people and the planet etc types have mentioned the obvious… it should be equally desired by both parties.
Can we just check this is the case before we go on?
Beat me to it. "The missus has decided" rather than "we have decided" is a bit concerning, unless it was tongue-in-cheek.
“The missus has decided” rather than “we have decided” is a bit concerning,
Concerning, but typical IME.
If it were me I’d just stop using contraception and cart on as normal. As much as I like horizontal jogging and being on a promise is cool, I’m not sure as I’d want to set recurring Alexa alarms for it.
Based on my experience I'd agree. Its a pain in the arse and can become very clinical. At least one of my kids was conceived after 6 pints of Stella & a Kebab aka the pretty normal shagging process 😉
At least one of my kids was conceived after 6 pints of Stella & a Kebab aka the pretty normal shagging process
The fact that you know that suggests there wasn't much shagging going on in your relationship. Which suggests maybe for her it was all about conception even if you didn't know. (Unless you have 6 pints of Stella & a Kebab every day, in which case, fair enough.)
Its a pain in the arse
You're doing it wrong.
Unless you have 6 pints of Stella & a Kebab every day
Bear in mind we didn't have kids at that point... Its a euphemism anyway. The reality and in seriousness point is we got bored and frustrated with the contrived process so reverted to spontaneous romance. Not long after that Mrs K was pregnant. For our second we didn't revert to any clinical, astronomical or medical process.
I can't put it any other way than that I don't think. But, its works for some and not for others.
The reality and in seriousness point is we got bored and frustrated with the contrived process so reverted to spontaneous romance. Not long after that Mrs K was pregnant.
A colleague tried, failed, tried IVF, failed, was told by consultants that their chances were very small due to her medical issues, started the journey of looking at adoption, went away for a weekend and got very, very drunk (kebabs probably featured too) and wound up pregnant. It's a funny old world.
The missus has decided that now is the time to have sproglets. Bit of a leap of faith and what not. Anyway, just wondering if any of you did anything different to usual and how long it took until you’d conceived?
This is code for ”I made a bit of an error with a work colleague at the Christmas party but if I con you into copious unprotected sex now there’s a chance I’ll be able to fob it off as yours and get you to bring the little blighter up.”
I hope that helps to reassure.
P.s. If you decide to go through with it and you are one of these younuns that learnt about getting jiggy through internet porn then......not on the face. That’s not how it works.
The fact that you know that suggests there wasn’t much shagging going on in your relationship
Pretty normal marriage then?
Bear in mind we didn’t have kids at that point… Its a euphemism anyway. The reality and in seriousness point is we got bored and frustrated with the contrived process so reverted to spontaneous romance. Not long after that Mrs K was pregnant. For our second we didn’t revert to any clinical, astronomical or medical process.
I can’t put it any other way than that I don’t think. But, its works for some and not for others.
Fair enough.
+1 Avoid the contrived, set-the alarm-for-9pm-and-orgasm-together thing. Tried it and hated it. Turns you off sex it does.
Just make love.
Or not have kids. You really need to want them, as it's a 50:50 call IME.
Has to be a wind up with that username surely!
If not the 3 pages of having your life judged by complete strangers is totally deserved for not just using google 😂
This is code for ”I made a bit of an error with a work colleague at the Christmas party but if I con you into copious unprotected sex now there’s a chance I’ll be able to fob it off as yours and get you to bring the little blighted up.”
I lol'd.... 😁
Reminds me of my cousin's mate. This girl the guy was with was always said to be a bit promiscuous and had a thing for black guys. My cousin always joked about it. Matey was in the delivery room when the baby was born. The baby had a very dark skin colour.
Matey walked out there and then, went home and drove all her shit to her parent's house.
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given procreating is the biggest single impact you can have on the planetTrue that – your child may be the one who solves the problem of building a nuclear fusion reactor and hence unlimited free power without polution and the ability to reverse global warming.
Ah what happens when everyone has the same daft thought?
perchypanther
Member
A question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
Bit of a selfish reason to have kids, forcing your care upon them, what if they don’t want to? Anyways, plenty of selfish folk out there will still have kids so there won’t be any shortage of carers when little Billy or Jenny decide that solving nuclear fusion isn’t for them.
drove all her shit to her parent’s house
Must. Resist.
A question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
Dick question.
Who is going to look after YOU if your kid decides to go and live in Oz? Or you have a child who is never going to be able to live independently? (not all pregnancies result in healthy babies) Or maybe your kid turns out to just be a little toe rag and you don't get on?
Have children because you want to, not because you think they will owe you anything in your old age. Such a shitty attitude, like you own them or they owe you something for deciding that you quite fancied a shag and a kid.
Anyway, back to the OP:
How long does it take? Can be the first unprotected shag or it can never happen, and anything in between. Good luck!
Like another poster said, miscarriages are very normal - especially at the early stage.
Dick question.
Some of you are gullible fools. Look at who posted the response you are replying too. Have a count back to how many serious posts has ever made. It was a joke!
....and that, kiddies, is how you prove that most people don't read the whole thread before responding.
Pretty good response for your lazy half-hearted troll though. Let's hope you don't become pro 😉
A question for the ” Don’t have kids” brigade….
Who’s going to care for you when you are no longer able to care for yourself?
If my parents are sliding into old age safe in the knowledge I'll look after them when they're too old to look after themselves, they're in for a shock.
If you want my advice, if you want to be looked after in old age, stay fit, stay wealthy. Ironically not having kids will help that.
If you want my advice, if you want to be looked after in old age, stay fit, stay wealthy. Ironically not having kids will help that.
Yes but this thread has shown that you may be wealthy, but you'll be a miserable cretin a long time before that.
Some of you on here are miserable buggers
Not miserable, just not selfish
The missus has decided that now is the time to have sproglets. Bit of a leap of faith and what not. Anyway, just wondering if any of you did anything different to usual and how long it took until you’d conceived?
Do you want to have kids? If not, say now it'll be horrible, but easier than having kids.
I wasn't involved in the planning stage so can't help you with the rest of it.
I'd say prepare yourself. When it's good, it's really great, when it's bad it can seem like an impossible task with no end, there are times I would have gladly swapped with that geezer who pushed a big boulder up hill every day, only for it to roll down again every night, at least he knew where he was and what he had to do.
When ours was tiny she didn't sleep for more than 3 hours on the bounce for 5 months, so I didn't sleep for more than 3 hours on the bounce for 3 months. It aged me terribly and I've never really recovered. You'll be begging for a nights sleep and you'll think that that first time you get 7 hours you'll awake feeling brand new, nope it'll take weeks to feel human again.
It doesn't matter how many parents tell you how wonderful it all is, you have to accept a LOT of downsides.
Financially it's crippling don't worry about nappies and food, it's a drop in the ocean Full Time Childcare if you / your partner want to return after Maternity Leave £900 a month, childcare vouchers can help. Someone will no doubt soon tell me that you shouldn't have kids if you are only going to stick them with a childminder 5 days a week, well **** them and their condescending attitude, sometimes it's possible to have a stay at home parent, sometimes it ain't and it's no one business but your own.
You want to buy a elaborate pram for about £500 that you'll never use, people will be queuing up to sell you shit to make your life easier, none of it works.
That's assuming you don't want/need to move for space / schools etc, then you'll realise why 1 house can cost £150k and one down the road £300k when they look the same. You can rage against those horrible people who think this school is good and this one bad (it's because people don't want their kids going to school with poor people) sadly so many people play the game it actually makes bad schools bad, it's ****ed up.
Emotionally it'll wreck you, Babies will at times get ill, they'll go bright red, scream and get a temp, you'll assume it's an emergency, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't, there's no way of telling really. Make friends with your Doctor and their receptionist. If there response to a call with a sick baby (6 months and younger) is anything other than "come down we'll be waiting for you" sack them off for better ones.
People will tell you the first week, fortnight, month, 3 months, 6 months, year, 2 years, 5 years are the hardest - they're all right, but what they don' t means is the first first week, fortnight, month, 3 months, 6 months, year, 2 years, 5 years are the hardest and then it's easy because it's not - I will say when they start FT school (which is a total head**** in itself) things to really quiet down for a few years - Our eldest was a breeze from about 4 to 10, he's been a nightmare since he started High School... 3 years ago.
Holidays on a beach in the sun, because who wants an active holiday in rainy UK?
Not those with no kids who can take cheap deals and have more holidays in the sun.
I was a bit glib earlier, but all I'll say is good luck OP. Hopefully you have no issues getting the missus pregnant but its increasingly common to have problems.
Our little one appeared after 2 rounds of IVF.
She is five now and the best thing that ever happened to me, I love being a dad.
9 out of 10 meal times though I wish I could swap her for a Labrador 😉
We have quite a few mates that took a while to conceive (Between 1 and 5 years trying) so we decided to be less careful sooner than we might have done. Typically I hit the target within a week. We didn't learn our lesson and repeated the same trick with number two so I didn't even get to enjoy the prolonged fertility stage.
Moral of the story is that you can obsess about fertility cycles and the right time, diet, blah, blah, but it might make no difference. Just make sure you are ready for her to tell you in a couple of weeks you're going to be a Dad!
Moral of the story is that you can obsess about fertility cycles and the right time, diet, blah, blah, but it might make no difference. Just make sure you are ready for her to tell you in a couple of weeks you’re going to be a Dad!
I was going to add a similar comment. We had the same. I just assumed that seeing as I declared war on my body when I was 18 and spent the next decade+ drinking like Alex Higgins, trying to ram the entire contents of Bolivia up my nostrels and seeing if it was possible to exist on a completely kebab-based diet, that after over a decade of that the chances of easy conception were slim.
I was wrong. It was pretty much immediate.
Even more bizarrely, they emerged with all their limbs in the right places, and are now (at 15 and 13) bright, healthy, well-adjusted kids.
To all those who've struggled, I can only apoligise for the injustice of it all. Life really isn't fair
Future congratulations to the OP.
As a warning.
We managed a one hit conception.
Three times.
Book mark the snip thread for future reference.