[Closed] Constipation (I'm so sorry) - what to do?

Guinness and liquorice allsorts.

It's like a maths problem.
Work it out with a pencil.

When our 4 year old doesn't go for a couple of days, we bribe him with a sticker. I can send you one in the post?

Not sure pushing for an investigation would be a good idea.
Might get a prolapse.

Sadly in times of lockdown my favored solution wouldn't work, but have always found going for a swim helps gets things moving

Have you considered salmonella?

I tried it once and shat myself inside out for a solid week.

Lost half a stone too.

Porridge with raisins, prunes and dried apricot.

I thought the STW answer was Picolax?

I can confirm that eating a large bag of dried apricots will get things moving

Don't mess about get the experts in.

Are you allowed coffee? Espresso does the job for me.

Otherwise, sag aloo will make you poo always seems good for clearing out the system.

I knew that this wasn't a good idea; at least it eases the mood. 🙄

Right, I do have a certain degree of sympathy with this. I've recently started on what is basically going to be a lifelong drugs for MS and one thing that I've noticed is that I go to the loo a lot less often that I used to. Whether that is medication related or condition related I don't know but it is something that I'm going to bring up with the nurse next week.

Other than what you are doing with the Fruit and Veg (and I assume no booze) is there any other way of upping the fibre content of your diet and maybe reducing the meat a bit. would taking some over the counter laxatives be a bad thing? Obviously you'd need to check for interactions. If the pain isn't too bad and isn't getting worse then maybe waiting a bit wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Realistically though is this really the cause of your mood? What I mean is you've clearly had a hell of time over and above what everyone else is feeling so maybe this is just the straw that has broken the camel's back?

Hope you get a resolution soon.

Prunes.

In the spirit of keeping everyone's spirits up, and oversharing, I had terrible constipation while pregnant. I recall a particular occasion when I was in really quite an important meeting but the urge to poo (after days of not) became too great. I excused myself and said I needed to go out for a minute. On the loo, birth was simulated. A Dr with forceps would have been a welcome sight. It would not 'complete'. It wouldn't go out, or back in come to that, and it couldn't be pinched off by sphincter alone. Fun fact: no matter how solid your poo feels like it is when sticking out of your arse in a standoff between bowel and bowl, when you try and snap it off with toilet paper wrapped fingers, it will reveal itself to be quite spreadable. This is not easy to deal with in the comfort of your own home, let alone some posh offices while wearing a suit and with mobility hindered by a small human hitching a ride on the front of you. Some 45minutes later I had achieved sufficient closure to return to the meeting, my tentative sitting, pained face and long absence explained away by me saying that I'd felt faint and headed out for a walk.

After the commute home, upon arrival in my home town, I bought a bag of prunes and ate them all on the walk home. I only just made it there. I recommend eating prunes at home.

Also: don't strain, or you'll get piles. But that's another story.

Olive oil and a length of hose?

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We're slipping.

Have you considered salmonella?

I tried it once and shat myself inside out for a solid week.

Lost half a stone too.

I'll see that and raise you glandular fever. It was unstoppable from both ends, imagine The Exorcist meets The Human Centipede. I lost two stones in a week and I was only 11 stone to start with.

Hope you feel better soon, PJ.

Hannah, that post might just have elevated this thread into "STW Classic" territory.

Thanks Hannah. Possibly the most horrifying thing I've ever read on here.

Just to clarify, was the small human hitching a ride a baby or another reference to the object of your struggle?

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We’re slipping.

You're slipping!

I assumed Hannah meant she was pregnant at the time.

Develop IBS-D

Strong coffee and a Marlboro

Half a page and no mention of the P-word? We’re slipping.

ahem... look up

Mrs P ordered me some sugar-free (specifically isomalt, accept no imitation) boiled sweets to help curb my choco craving. I can suck two of them (rhubarb and custard, or a chocolate lime seem to be the best)

As it turns out they can apparently aid digestion. Look up isomalt. Also apparently - if I exceed a couple of them and head into the unknown with say, three or even (sweating profusely at the memory) four of those tasty ‘would-melt-in-your-mouth’-looking little sweets, then all of a suddenness it goes completely Blitz up. And with little warning. A small seismic shift. Then air-sirens. Evacuation. Running, shouting, thunderclaps, all hell begins raining down.

Highly recommended. What’s to lose? The worst that can likely happen is you enjoy some sweets.

IANAD. I give no guarantees. YMMV. Etc.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

I don’t eat much meat, but for my DofE volunteering 20 years ago I did a week on canal restoration. Put up in a village hall, 3 meaty meals a day for a week. Let’s say I got value for money out of the train toilet on the way home after a week of no ‘action’.

When our 4 year old doesn’t go for a couple of days, we bribe him with a sticker. I can send you one in the post?

I hope you mean a sticker!

Just to clarify, was the small human hitching a ride a baby or another reference to the object of your struggle?

Yes, the baby, which proved slightly easier to get out.

You know the answer, I know the answer, we all know the answer.
https://singletrackworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/

Chapeau Hannah 🙂

And Hannah's prunes thing is kinda like my dried apricot thing; after a weekend of MTBing in Garrigill, on a diet of beer and flapjack, we stopped in at Tebay services. I thought "my diet's been terrible this weekend, I'll get that big bag of apricots cos that's healthy". Said apricots were all eaten in the next three hours of M6 and M5 between Tebay services and Gloucester. I *just* made it back to the house on the outskirts of Gloucester, up the stairs, into the bathroom, but not *quite* fully sat on the loo before it started...

Oh and antimalarial pills, whilst not making me go more, do make me have *massive* poos when I do go. Like a good three inches sticking back out of the water massive.

Definitely prunes. And lots of them. In my younger days when I was desperate to hold on to my youthful good looks, I heard prunes were good for your skin and ate a whole tin of them. Several hours later I passed pretty much a gallon of pure prune juice. I was on my lunch break from work and only just managed to make it into a Waitrose toilet. Would have been mighty embarrassing otherwise.

Going for a run always made me go too. A number of times I had to make a deposit behind a tree or wherever I could find that offered at least a little cover mid run. Don't know given the circumstances if running is appropriate here.

Last one is linseeds. Back in the day I had a partner who was frequently constipated. We'd go out clubbing on occasion. While she seemed to enjoy the music and dancing and so on, it was having a shite that really did it for her. So disco biscuits might get things moving but again probably not appropriate. Seriously, she was recommended linseeds. Whole linseeds and to seriously up her water intake. She was allergic to seeds so I can't say if they are effective on not but lots online about them.

after a week of no ‘action’

A week? A whole week without a poo? My god that's unholy.

Oh, and, MrsIHN was once on codeine for a while after an op, which bunged her up something rotten. Her first 'go' was the following weekend, coincidentally when I was away on a MTBing trip.

I got a text from her saying she'd been, and that she'd had to go into the garden to find a stick to mush it up with as it wouldn't flush. I definitely didn't share that with my riding buddies, who definitely didn't find it hilarious 🙂

It can help if you use the correct pooing technique.
Sit upright with a very straight back, otherwise you are putting an unwanted bend in your colon. You might try raising your feet up on something so the knees are bent too. Then do slow, deep nasal breathing into your back with width expansion of the chest, slow and controlled in and out breaths whilst trying to keep as relaxed as you can. Little or no pushing and be patient.
As well as eating the prunes or whatever else this might help.

If you can't stand prunes, then them little sugar-free kets they have at the checkout at Aldi are riddled with xylitol.

Someone I know had a whole pack and became more "mobile".

I suspect that the contribution from @cheese@4p is in earnest, but I'm finding it conjures up a mental image that is making me laugh heartily.

A few glasses of salty warm water? Not salty enough to make you sick though.

Any sugar free sweets? like a pack of sf polos Will have me cleared out pretty sharpish.

Bowl of all-bran every morning,let it soak a little to lose its barbed wire like consistency then add a little honey so that it tastes of something.

Double hernia repair plus lots of drugs left me unable to trouble the porcelain for 4 days.
Had to resort to inserting suppositories up my arse with my middle finger.
Thought nothing of it for about 15 minutes, about the time it took to scrub my middle free of the particularly nasty smell of matured shite

Then O. M. G. Full throttle discharge without any need to push the offending Richards down to the pool. Which having had the hernias wasn't really an option

Even when i thought i was empty, there was an encore, which thudded down onto the ever growing volcano of poo.

Would it flush, would it hell. First go had the water swirling up by the seat and an eddy currant of Mr Henky the xmas poo dancing in a sombre, mocking possession around the bowl

5 or 6 goes and all was clean and tidy

Doesnt help you im afraid, but be aware my dad died of a twisted colon that started out as you described with not alor of return for the effort involved, then a gradual decrease to just brown water. Hospital tried surgery but post op infection got him in the end.

@cheese@4p

@stwhannah

Since this is going downhill , here is my contribution

I was in hospital last year for a operation. Anyway the combination of the anaesthetic plus pain relief meant that I was seriously bunged up. Discomfort was being replaced with pain and I was getting very stressed. I was due to be sent home but that could not happen until I had passed a stool.

So the nurse made an executive decision and two glycine suppositories later I found myself making a swift (or as swift as I could) sprint in the direction of the toilet. After an initial pause, I had the longest ever dump in my life. No control it just flowed. From my point of view I was glad it was someone else's waste system

The only real indignity was having a nurse stuff the suppositories 'up there'. But by that time any dignity had gone, 4 days in hospital gowns will do that for you!

A cod liver oil capsule and then nip it in the bud.

If it is hard enough could you not use a corkscrew to get a grip?

After my good lady's not so good purchase of 'low sugar' Heinz Tomato Soup, I'd recommend a couple of tins of that and you'll be flowing nicely.

Or the more medical approach, try some Cosmocol. I use it occasionally when I need a couple of days on co-codamol for back pain.

Isn't the instant bomb of pure laxative, more like it allows for easing out over a couple of days.

Amazon reviews are good for sugar free gummy bears.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.

Having read Hannah's post a couple of times I'm still chuckling. Just wish that I'd not had tea a few minutes beforehand.

My sugggestion for the OP is to pop into Aldi and buy a couple of packets of their sherbet lemons. They're usually on the impluse shelf near the tills. I love sherbet lemons and Aldi's are quite nice. If you read the carton they mention a laxative effect if you consume too many. What they don't specify is how many are too many. Sadly, I only found this out later.

The packs are quite small and I popped a couple in the car. Feeling peckish, but not wanting to break my journey home from my visiting my sister, I remembered the sweets.

I must have sucked my way through a pack anf a half prpbably fewer sweets than if I'd bought a quarter lb (113.5 grammes for our younger readers) of the rascals from the sweet shop.

Very nice they were too. Within an hour it felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world, when in fact it was the other way around.

A good clear out for £1.98. Bargain.