I think people can change - in fact, I have seen it first hand, although not from a partner.
The person has to want to change though and if in a relationship the partner will most likely need to not respond to new more positive behaviour as they had learned to respond to the old negative behaviour.
I think with all you have invested in your marriage it is hard to walk away - but I would suggest you would need to have seen the evidence of change with some persistence to take the chance.
Some proper open heart surgery going on in this thread.
I applaud that whole heartedly.
👏🙏
Sounds like you should book her into re-hab
What have you got to loose ? Sitting in a flat on your own and missing your children/ex sounds shite !
You’ll only know if you try...and you’ll have to do some changing - you’re part of the deal.
Btw did you get any new nookie whilst on a “break” ??
sounds like a bullying supervisor I once had. I reported him and he was my best friend for about a month, then returned to his normal ways and made my life even more difficult. I think change can change, but it is a long process of years sometimes. In the shorter term forget about, they will return to there normal ways.
When you say change i believe that people can say ... stop smoking or do more washing up etc but these are almost physical things. When it comes to fundamental change such as being less selfish or completely altering a frame of mind then i’m not too sure.
I know from experience that I have needed to change... many times.. over the last 18 years but the only things that have ever really materialised have been my input into the house chores etc. Deep down i’m still the same selfish and emotionless person I ever was and i’m not sure that this is something i can change and god knows i have tried. So the same old crack re- appear after time. I think if as a couple you are fundamentally compatible I.e share similar life goals and views then you can change to repare relationships but if you don’t share the same fundamental views then i’m not convinced that it will work out in the long run. This may all seem very obvious to some people who automatically knew what they wanted from a partner but it’s also not always as clear cut that the compatibility is there to start with and then before you know it you have a life, house and maybe kids with this person and the waters are very much muddied at this point and a break away decision is a whole lot harder.
So change on a basic level yes but on a fundamental level hmmm... not sure.
Can people REALLY change….
Absolutely Not. 🤔
You are who you are. 🙄
People can compromise but they cannot change who they really are.
A relative of mine divorced then re-married the same woman (who'd had enough of his narcissistic behaviour at the time).
In the long run, he has reverted to type and become the spoilt kid he always was.
I've seen one person really change for the better - I knew him at university, which he didn't enjoy and was borderline depressed. After he left uni and started working he became a positive, optimistic person.
I think it's a combination of nature and environment - but often when there is pressure and stress, we revert to the same behaviour we displayed in childhood, whether than be avoidance, selfishness, chronic worrying.
Certainly people can change. However its a long complex process.
For a positive tale me and Mrs TJ split up for two years ( after 10 years together). We decided to give it another try. However we didn't live together for another couple of years. We met up, dated, we talked about what we each wanted and what we wanted out of the relationship. We slowly built the relation ship we wanted and it worked. 25 years later we are still together and happy as we can be.
So you can get a broken relationship mended. But IMO / IME do not just get back together and settle into the same routine. It needs time and rebuilding
Edit - to make this happen we both had to change as well as compromise - and we both did. It wasn't easy at all
My advice to the OP is leave the door open but its much too soon and also take it very gradually - date for a while. Do not just go back to living under the same roof
