Wandering through a quaint village in the Dales the wife comes out with “wow they must have a lot of Chinese toursists, they translate signs!”. Apparrently that is what the’DUCK XING’ signs by the road near the pond were.
A mate of mine, when visiting Wales once, commented "just how bloody long is Traeth Beach?!"
"Will it be quiet in IKEA tomorrow morning....."
😱
can we get a landrover ( 90 )?...
oh how we laughed
Not my OH (thank ****), but I once worked with someone who told me about a car accident she’d heard of where the car driver pulled out of a dodgey turn and got hit by an argonaut.
Daftest thing the OH said this week is “let’s cycle into the city at the weekend”. Mental.
I hope you asked if he was called Jason...
Me: You can't put that in the recycling bin - our council have made it clear they can't process it.
Her: Well it's about time they did.
So in it went.........
And part of her job is auditing recycling plants
Many moons ago now (obvs) at approx 2am in morning out of absolutely nowhere the ex asked: “if I was a fish, what kind of fish would I be?”... 🤷🏻♀️
To which replied, quick as a flash: a carp...
I was fixing the toilet
I said to my other half
” the flush isn’t working for the moment, you will have to use a bucket”she said ” im not going in a f******G bucket”
Just to balance the stupidity between the sexes a little I said something even more stupid last year:
Last summer I water supply went off for several hours, the inlaws were staying so with extra people in the house all 3 toilets had been flushed and were empty. I needed a poo but didn't want to leaveit in their for my inlaws to find. My wife said 'the paddling pool is full of water', I protested until she explained that she meant use the water from it to flush with. LOL
Me: You can’t put that in the recycling bin – our council have made it clear they can’t process it.
Her: Well it’s about time they did.So in it went………
I do this!
In an effort to balance the blame, the first time we watched Gogglebox I turned to my good lady wife and asked "Is there a stupid one in every relationship?".
Never, ever, gonna be allowed to forget that one 🤦
A mate of mine, when visiting Wales once, commented “just how bloody long is Traeth Beach?!”
Similar to my brother wondering why so many hotels in Wales are called Gwesty.
We are Welsh and both had Welsh lessons in school.
im afraid ive just discovered my wife wasnt sure if mount everest was in england or not :-/
she wasnt too impressed with the hoots of derision either..... "well i dont know where it is do i smartarse!!"
Bless.... 😀
@jon taylor - sadly, that's the law. IANAL, but Green Book Chapter 2 (the bible for immunsiation in the UK/NHS) on consent to vaccinate people who can't give their consent, i.e. a young child, advises that there's a few medical procedures where both parents have to agree and if they can't agree then it needs a court order. There have been court cases in the past (is this what they call case law?) which have resulted in this determination. I'm going to be campaigning for an explicit change in the law to make it clear that only one parent's consent is needed for vaccination (assuming there are no contra-indications advising against vaccination). You'll hear the antivax mob screaming from the rooftops once a vaccine is developed and offered for coronavirus and all sorts of misinformation will be pumped out by the antivax crowd.
Also, if I was to take the JFDI approach my ex would not trust me with my daughter again and my contact would be impacted or some other blocking tactics used. Welcome to the world of acrimonious family breakdown.
Mate's ex was very confused about us leaving the EU...She genuinely couldn't work out how we were going to be moved or where we would go...
We obviously helped and told her we'd be getting placed right against Iceland. She got really upset as she wanted to be moved closer to the equator!
"what shift you on?"
Late / Early
What time does that start?
(Shifts have started at 830 or 1330 for the last 15 years)
Also if she asks me if I have the key, I'll say "yes" she'll say "I've got the secret"
You know that Barcelona football team, which city do they play in!!!
Her; Look at those little sheep.
Me; They're not little, they're far away.
Thanks to Father Ted for the inspiration.
Also if she asks me if I have the key, I’ll say “yes” she’ll say “I’ve got the secret”
That's the most romantic thing I've heard for some time. Appreciate what you've got.
I noticed an alloy on the car had been scraped so I called her outside, the mark went from about 11-2 using a clock face.
Upon looking at the damage she admitted hitting a kerb but then said “I thought the damage was lower down”
"Don't put knives in the dishwasher, err, I think it will blunt them"
What, water?
Oh and on similar lines;
"Don't melt snow for water when camping, it'll burn"
Ok, so water burns and blunts knives?
'Stop putting that metal thing in the kitchen sink plughole, it stops all the bits going down'
absolutely genuine. I still dine out on that from time to time 😋
Thank you, I needed that 🙂
Don’t put knives in the dishwasher, err, I think it will blunt them
Erm it does. I think it must be the chemical and it only happens with regular steel knives but I can tell if they have been through the dishwasher
If you know anyone suitably qualified to offer an expert opinion in court in favour of vaccination (e.g. child health, infectious diseases, immunology with medico-legal training) then let me know.
Sorry can't offer any help, but you have my sympathy. My ex thinks CV is some sort of conspiracy, fortunately has been convinced to do all the right behaviours but you really start to wonder what crap she has been reading.
Social services should take a view on issues like yours, clearly a child protection issue, arguably an unsafe home and reason to remove....
"Fine!"
Not OH but MIL today;
"Well I dont mind getting it, they cant expect us to just not have a social life".
And FIL on why there was only pork available in Morrisons;
"Muslims dont eat pork, do they? It's all the immigrants buying up the meat."
My anti vaccination ex has also decided coronavirus is because they are installing 5g everywhere, had to bite my tongue while she was complaining at her mum about getting on a plane, I almost asked if they had installed 5g on the planes as well
Not OH but someone I worked with
"Dinosaurs aren't real, they made them up for jurassic park, Unicorns are extinct though
Are chips a vegetable?
Was Hitler a Jew?"
And she was convinced cheese came from plants because her mom had one on the kitchen windowsill with a label that said "cheese plant" on it
Guy at work thought all immigrants got free cars. That was his reason for voting UKIP. I’ve never heard anything as stupid I just sat there gobsmacked then told the Polish guy who was equally as amazed.
Walking past James Watt dock in Greenock. The water is really high today, where did it all come from when its not been raining.
My explanation of how the tide works resulted in "how can the moon suck up the water" She has a degree and a rather responsible job!
My wife (2 degrees and a masters) always apologies to Alexa if it doesn’t recognise what she’s asked it to do.
Talking about how quiet it was yesterday, little traffic, few planes flying. I remarked how WizzAir had parked up some of their fleet at Finningley and Virgin were bringing some in too even though they don't fly from here. I said we would be cheaper than busier airports. No, she said, it's because a really long runway, they will be able to store loads on it.
She doesn't say anything anymore, she just sits on her shelf ignoring me.
Sorry, dark humour moment. IGMC.
"Don't taser him.....he's only 11"
Sounds a bit like my dad gnusmas 🙂
'Is that an eagle?... Oh, no. It's a post box'.
What the, wha..?
My missus.... Two masters degrees and a PhD...
Revisited a previous theme last autumn that she has mentioned a few times over the 25 years we have been together:
"Yes, what worries me is the next pandemic. It's defo going to be a virus because....... <\ComplicatedBiologyStuff>
.....It's been a long time coming but there's going to be a big one again soon. No, not like SARS, a proper big one. Modern society feels so secure and safe, big it's an illusion. It's really going to be enormous"
Have you thought about asking her about stock market futures?
She doesn’t say anything anymore, she just sits on her shelf ignoring me.
Sorry, dark humour moment. IGMC.
That made me s****. Sorry. I am a bad man.
Made me s**** too. I actually snorted 👍
Wasn't sure if it would be badly received, but glad you had a giggle over it. Wasn't sure what else to say and that was the first thing that popped into my head lol.
mattbee
SubscriberMy wife (2 degrees and a masters) always apologies to Alexa if it doesn’t recognise what she’s asked it to do.
You'll be laughing on the other side of your face after the robot takeover
Wasn’t sure what else to say and that was the first thing that popped into my head
To be honest, that's probably a very good sign in itself.
My thoughts exactly, part of the reason it made me smile too 👍
Was Hitler a Jew?
If the test devised by the Nazis had been applied to him, he would have been classed a Jewish.
