[Closed] Black Tie Worst Nightmare

How long have you got until the event?

I can also definitely vouch for the charity shop searching, if you can find something that fits well. (Google how a well-fitted suit should fit, if you don't already know - I didn't know stuff like how much shirt cuff should be on show, how the jacket should sit on the shoulders and waist, that sort of thing) But it may take a while, and a few charity shops.

The good thing is that black tie is black, so a jacket from one shop should more or less match a pair of trousers from another shop, if they're both black enough! (and the lighting will probably be lower than daylight so you should be able to get away with it)

Learn how to tie a bow tie (YouTube). It is WAY classier than a clip-on one, and it looks cooler when you un-tie it and leave it hanging round your neck later on in the evening.

Get a decent shirt, whether from a charity shop or one that you pay for - no one will blame you for not wearing one of those god-awful frilly jobs that normally accompanies a dress suit, you can get away with a good plain white shirt.

Any leather black shoes will do, but polish them (although I've worn Doc Martens a couple of times). Make sure your trousers are the right length to reach them properly!

HTH

and it looks cooler when you un-tie it and leave it hanging round your neck later on in the evening.

Mish Moneypenny thinks it does.

Don't do what I did: when I worked in Paris in the mid 80s

That's brilliant, you should send that in to Radio 2's Confessions slot.

Last posh black tie do I went to all the ex-public schoolboys (or similarly privaledged) we're wearing worn out dinner jackets, possibly inherited from their fathers! Turn up in something new and they'll have your number in an instant. 🙂

It does. FACT. It's the only reason to bother with one of the clever ones!

Seriously though, I've never been to a black tie event where people care what the men wear. Some people do look good, but there are plenty of fat middle aged men that are looking bad. Everyone pays attention to what the women wear. You just need to be able to blend in with the sea of black tie outfits. Get something normal, if you stand out you are basically a ****!

Current trend is to wear a clip on tie (no wing collar else you'll show the clip) then surreptitiously swap it for a proper tie casually draped for the louch effect once you've eaten,

Seriously though, I've never been to a black tie event where people care what the men wear

The only time men care what other men are wearing at a black tie do is when they've all been in the same position: "jesus christ, I've never been to a black tie dinner before, what do I do?" and are now checking out to see how their colleagues fared with the same crisis.

Are you being paid to go? If not don't go simple as that. Work should also be paying for the uniform they want you to wear.

There's invariably always one who thinks that by wearing a plaid skirt it somehow marks him out as being scottish

Not individual just a * in a skirt not bothered enough to give a shit what the * in the suit thinks.

Lets shake it up though.

Tartan trews.

Learn how to tie a bow tie

It's the same knot as you do every day for your shoe laces, I don't understand why people struggle with it.

Dont worry if you .....havent got a clue what a fish knife is.

I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. Only new money Johnny come latelies use fish knives.

Proper smart people use dinner sets handed down through the family since long before fish knives were invented.

HTH

[url= http://www.matalan.co.uk/mens/collections/suits-and-workwear/suits/tuxedos ]£65 if you can find a decent fit, you will never have to worry about it ever again,,,It will be dark wont it .[/url]

Wear your kilt and be proud of your fictitious heritage that was invented by the Victorians

Hey nettles, don't be a spoilsport. 😉

Such a lot of angst for a simple fix.
Hire one. Don't trash it. Take it back.
Clip on tie, dress shirt, polished black shoes.
You are making it too complicated.

100% this ^

If you're not a Bryan Ferry lookalike (and he's darn hot in a suit) then a kilt will see the laydeeeeeez swooning for England and Scotland. Could you cope? 😉

If you're a Scot and have the full-posh kilt get-up, wear it.

Otherwise just buy one, then next time (always a next time) you'll already have one. I probably wear mine once/twice a year, and bought it about 10 years ago when I had two dinners within a month.

Luckily I've a racing snake build which hasn't really changed since I was a teenager (now 52 y/o).

And TJ, asking to expense a DJ is like putting your hand up to go to the front of the no-promotion queue.

Kilt.

and amaze the engerlish of tales of... yes I normally were this to Tesco, its that length as that's how deep the snow is in winter, nothing is worn underneath, it all works perfectly thanks etc etc

oh and how we have to grease the harbour walls to stop the polar bears climbing up in winter

what fun I had at the wedding I went to in deepest Surrey 😉

Kilt.

Seriously - why do you even need to ask?

http://www.houseofbruar.com/mens-moser-velvet-single-breasted-jacket-green/

even smarter

Is it too early to suggest tartan trews again?

As mentioned, turn down collar to avoid the usual faux pas.
Wing tips are for white tie.

Is it too early to suggest tartan trews again?

No mention of rockin' the Bay City Rollers look. 🙂

I bought one and got so drunk that I don't even recall taking it to the dry cleaners the following day. I thought I lost it and poor that down to a drinking incident

Got a call a week later from the dry cleaners informing me they couldn't get the vomit smell off it and could I kindly collect it as customers were starting to complain about the smell

Kilt - no question.

And don't wear a clip-on bow tie; they're crap (would you wear a clip-on neck tie?)

So, from a rough read through the thread it seems most want you to look like this.

[img] [/img]

You will, rightly, be ridiculed.

Fake serious illness, mountain bike incident or ask one of your friends if they don't mind pretending to be dead. Failing that hire a suit and get totally hammered. This will ensure that you can safely not attend future events. I may have tested some of these methods myself at various points over the last twenty years.

tjagain - Member
Are you being paid to go? If not don't go simple as that. Work should also be paying for the uniform they want you to wear.

[img] [/img]

Wore a tux once, hated every second of it, don't like the fact you don't wear a belt with one, uncomfortable and felt like a fat bloke at a James Bond convention

Belts shouldn't be seen on any suit 😉

Cummerbund, pochette, dress studs and self tie bow-tie; don't wear a wing collar shirt.
There's a complete minefield of cock-up potential waiting for you 😉

CaptainFlashheart - Member
a coloured bow tie
I will kill you. To death

[img] [/img]

CountZero - Member

CaptainFlashheart - Member
a coloured bow tie
I will kill you. To death

That fate belongs to the one that spins around...

No, death is justice for a coloured bow tie.

'To the pain' is the right punishment for a spinning tie

😆

Scapegoat - Member
Current trend is to wear a clip on tie (no wing collar else you'll show the clip) then surreptitiously swap it for a proper tie casually draped for the louch effect once you've eaten,

I now own about 3 one emergency one from a second hand shop in London, one posh designer one that was on sale when mine got locked in the dry cleaners as I was late out of work on the way there and another Burton one from years back. All with standard M&S trousers and nice shirt, cheap and always there when needed.
It does worry me a little that some people are unable to wear any kind of suit for any leangth of time these days.

I'm starting from a rather different baseline in formals, but I got my tailor to make me a tux the other year. I dislike events that require it and avoid them if reasonably practicable, but owning the outfit takes all the stress out of everything except actually having to be there. (It also means I have to stay roughly the same size for the next 30 years...)

🙂

Mine is well worn. Got it when I was 18 and it still fits!

Don't have much occasion for it these days. When I do get it out most people seem to go for dark/ black suits a suitable shirt and bow tie. No one cares. The only comments are normally at uni reunions when we try to work out how many suits are older than the current students.

I'd say black suit and bow tie. Suit is useful to own in my experience.

Black tie is brilliant. Simple yet elegant. Shame that we don't require/use it more.

How close are you folks to a 'standard fit'? British suits tend to have a six inch drop from chest to waist, Italians an eight inch.

That makes off the peg impossible for me without mixing. What kind of drop do folks have?

Simple... Nay Sir.

Just when I thought I was happy in my midnight blue tux. The good lady bought me a midnight blue velvet blazer with dress lapels..... So now I don't know which shade of grey trouser to wear with it ??

Another vote for Matalan here

I'm a 6 inch drop so off the shelf works perfectly for me, I'm also tall and a Long suit fits as long as the trousers are 34 inch inside leg

My first tux is from just after Uni. I was a 42L back then. I'm now a 38L. Think my tux was given to a charity shop. I've been to 2 black tie events in the last 3 or so years (i.e. not very much) so have got away with a black suit, nice white shirt, cummerbund and bow tie (hand tied one). I the lighting of most black tie dos its very hard to see the difference

Have you decided what you're going to do OP? Really glad I'm not in your shoes. Time is short as it is without being forced in to attending a function that you don't want to. Unless there is free food and / or drink.

I thought this was going to be a review of another crap Bowie album.

Best. Post. Ever.