As doom as you get back from a ride put your camel back bladder in the freezer. Never go mouldy again.
Always advise where one intends to finish. It can avoid confusion and surprise in a range of different scenario's.
Good stuff, was hoping for a how to get stans out of my new berghaus though. Bit of a garage bukkake incident whilst inappropriately attired.
Save money on expensive binoculars by just standing next to the thing you want to look at.
Know what it's like to 'live like a Lord' without the expense of laying a long gravel drive by simply sellotaping Rice Krispies to your car tyres.
Save your nail clippings and deposit them in the toe of a stocking or popsock. Tie it off with a knot and cut above the knot. Result: a perfect pot scourer.
Know what it's like to 'live like a Lord' without the expense of laying a long gravel drive by simply sellotaping Rice Krispies to your car tyres
Genius. Will try that later
Half a ping pong ball makes an ideal helmet for a hamster also a shuttlecock is the perfect wedding veil for a chicken.
lol
*thumps desk*
bobloBut but most tins are asymmetric now so you can't get the opener on the bottom.
Hang on, people on stw eat tinned food...and you of all people Miles?
Convince everyone you are Jesus by saying a few outrageous things, perform a magic trick and then get your friends to nail you to a tree
Emulate that new car smell by buying a new car.
DrP
Murder three other people before the one you really want to kill.
The police won't suspect you and you might get on an episode of Midsommer Murders
Glue used sanitary products and litter all over yourself and neglect your personal hygiene for a year, then sit in a park shouting at pigeons and drinking meths..
Hey presto! Passers by will believe that you are a good old fashioned traditionally styled tramp
Get upgraded to first class on international flights by buying a smart looking suit, then use it to apply for a better paying job.
Gary_M - Member
When cooking pasta bring it to the boil, turn off the heat, leave lie on, pasta will be ready in 10-11 minutes.
Pasta forms my daily lunch and having just tried this, I can confirm it works.
Top tip, thanks 🙂
my daily lunch and having just tried this, I can confirm it works.
Thanks but I already knew that. 🙂 That was 'lid' btw
Here's anothe: don't wipe yer arse with broken glass, it probably hurts. Feel free to do a truth test 🙂
A "charity" wristband just under the rim of your Titanium mug will prevent you from burning your lips
cynic-al - Member
boblo
But but most tins are asymmetric now so you can't get the opener on the bottom.Hang on, people on stw eat tinned food...and you of all people Miles?
I did have to go and check a tin of the cats food. He's (evidently) out of fresh Swan 🙂
I'm doing a load of batch cooking this morning so thought Id share a couple of my tricks. They're hardly secret, but may be useful if you haven't already heard of them.
Garlic:
Peel garlic by putting the cloves in a small tupperware box and shaking the crap out of them. All the skin falls off and you can just pluck them out ready for smashing and chopping.
Chopping Onions:
Finely chop onions quickly by cutting peeled onion in half, then slicing but stopping short of all the way through the outer layer closest to you:
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turn the onion 90degrees, and slice across the first cuts to, tilting the cleaver/knife so that it stays radial to the centre of the bulb. At half way, tilt the onion over on to it's "diced" face, and continue to cross cut until you are left with just the "uncut" wedge.
[img] 
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Turn that wedge 90degrees and chop along it's length. With this technique I can finely dice an onion in less than 20seconds.
Finally, when chopping onions, the vapour that makes your eyes water does so via your nose and up into your tear ducts once the vapour has turned your tears into acid. Avoid tearful eyes by breathing through you mouth only when chopping onions.
Mouth breather. That's me.
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
You can't push your maternal grandmother off a bus
Because she is your mother's mother
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
You can't push your maternal grandmother off a bus
Because she is your mother's mother
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
....it is, however, considered perfectly acceptable to push one's paternal grandmother aff a bus.
If at first you don't succeed, pull yer jersey ower yer heid!
That way you won't have to look at your failure.
A hot air gun 'might' remove the bird poo damage on your cars paintwork.
Polishing compound however, definitely will.
Boiled linseed oil makes faded black exterior plastic car trim look like new.
Lasts for a while too.
A hot air gun however, does the same job permanently
🙂
Never insult a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes......
by then , you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.
I find it's easier to peel garlic by pressing the flat side of a knife on it, cut the ends off and the skin comes off easy.
If you're not sure of the strength of a chili, cut one up and then, without washing your hands, go for a pee..(or rub your eyes)
If you're not sure of the strength of a chili, cut one up and then, without washing your hands, go for a pee..(or rub your eyes)
I think the best trick in that scenario is to handle someone else's tackle / rub their eyes, and get them to tell you how strong the chilli is
[b]Croc-cannons[/b]
If you push the straps of your Crocs fowards they become slip-ons. This also means 'slip-off'. So here's the trick:
Stand facing the enemy/family member/suitable target. Now simply jump on the spot whilst quickly flicking feet forwards. With a little practice your Crocs have become next-level 'Nerf' weapons with often devastating consequences and comedy-value guaranteed.
For that litle 'extra' fill your Crocs with glitter before launching. Unspeakably annoying and probably even impressive in slow-motion
bringing it back from Viz a bit...
scrunched up dry newspaper balls to clean the soot off the inside of a woodburner window.
And lest we forget, 'Never trust a dog with orange eyebrows.'
No you can't push you maternal grandmother off a bus
In other news..
700 hungry infants have testified that it is not possible to throw sandwiches from a twenty storey flat.
Regardless of the filling used, or the bread selected, the success rate is only 1 in 99.
Still sing that one with my kids glad to know its still in use
In other news..700 hungry infants have testified that it is not possible to throw sandwiches from a twenty storey flat.
Regardless of the filling used, or the bread selected, the success rate is only 1 in 99.
Also in other news......
It turns out that my blue eyed, curly haired, mother has a net personal wealth in excess of a million pounds and also enjoys the occassional game of dominoes with the indigenous people of Greenland and northern Canada.
What kind of weirdo wouldn't finish the crisps?
For reasonably presentable rice, a cup should do two, in the pan, same volume of boiling water and maybe an extra couple of splashes. Decent pinch of salt. Cover. Bring to big boil. Reduce to bare simmer. Set timer for 7 minutes. After seven minutes, turn heat off. DO NOT remove cover. Leave for another seven minutes. Fluff up with a fork. No need for a rice cooker. No need to wash it (the rice) beforehand either.
What kind of weirdo wouldn't finish the crisps?
Handy for your second bag.
rice, just boil in some water & salt until done drain the water and stick it in the fridge, 2 mins in the microwave when needed.
[quote=deadlydarcy ]For reasonably presentable rice...
I've never understood why people have such a problem with rice, when it's incredibly simple to cook. Cup of rice in the pan, add random quantity of boiling water (the order of those might be reversed, I sometimes even turn the heat on before adding the rice, it doesn't seem important) put on lid, turn heat on, simmer until rice is done (you can test it to see, but with experience you can tell by looking if you have a transparent lid). Drain. I usually stir once after a minute or so of cooking, but even that doesn't seem to matter.
What is it people do when trying to cook rice which makes it go wrong?
Pasta though, that [b]must[/b] be added to water already boiling in the pan, and it [b]must not[/b] be overdone. 😉
What is it people do when trying to cook rice which makes it go wrong?
Cook it the way you've described? 🙂
Put rice in pan of water- no need to measure either- bring to the boil
Cover switch off heat wait till cooked - 10 ish minutes
Drain
Eat
*makes a note of the weirdos draining their rice*
Makes note of those measuring water and wasting heating
Boil the water until little "pits" appear in the surface and you don't have to measure, drain or time anything!
Microwave MrBens Rice and save all that faff.
