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Well, the whole “inability to lie” piece is fairly relatable. Just had dinner, I was thinking instead of engaging. She asks “what’s wrong” and I simply say “work stuff I’m thinking through”. She knew that was a load of bull so probed and probed. She got concerned I was mad at her, then unhappy with “us”, then perhaps my ex had thrown another grenade I hadn’t told her about, so I said it’s about me and don’t worry and it tel you later. That didn’t go down well as just caused more concern so now she knows I think I’m on the spectrum.
Her response (which was the reason for this thread in the first place) was good! She said no to worry about it, I’m still me, she still loves me and we can read more about it tonight once kids in bed. I listed the things I do which annoy her and could be attributed to ASC and she said whatever the cause, they’re still annoying but we can find new ways to stop them being so prevalent.
Basically the end result is positive and nothing to get stressed about. That’s my experience, others may be different but possible helpful for someone else. Though everyone is different and everyone’s partners are different so bear that in mind I guess. Hope this helps. You lot helped me for sure.
that's lovely stuff. Long may it continue and the best of luck to you both.
I listed the things I do which annoy her and could be attributed to ASC and she said whatever the cause, they’re still annoying but we can find new ways to stop them being so prevalent.
in relationships it's a two way street. While you both can come up with ways to minimise or reduce the frequency of annoying 'things' there also needs to be some acceptance from her that you will still do them, especially if you've more stuff going on in the background. And that this is how it is.
for me, it's a huge effort to keep myself in check, not say flippant things to my OH and daughter. Sometimes though, I have little capacity to stop going back to default robot (see spoon theory). It still has the same impact I tend to try to distance myself, thinking it's the best thing to do, but stony faced and not wanting to interact with your family just brings more questions, and more effort trying to articulate a response that will satisfy their concern/curiosity. :-/
so, acceptance from yourself and others close that sometimes you will be what you are, and to trust that it's OK, is key.
Thanks again guys.
Having continued to dig into this, I now hear what @nickc was saying. It appears to officially be diagnosed with an ASC, it has to have a significant debilitating impact on daily life. Therefore the conclusion must be that I cannot claim to have an ASC, as my daily life only suffers minor annoyance/nuisance vs significantly debilitating.
I don’t really know what that means, but pretty sure we are back to the Middle Aged white asshole scenario again. And to Nicks point (I think), I do not need to drain valuable resources or time from those genuinely in need or detract for the seriousness of their situations.
This has been an introspective journey for sure and having read the majority of the first 7 pages of google search results now, I see myself in approx 70% of common AS traits but recognise they aren’t debilitating for me so ought not be labelled as such. I should therefore use the coping strategies one would employ to solve those issues as it’ll still be useful, but refer to myself in the interim as an asshole. A now slightly more educated one but if it looks like an asshole, smells like an asshole and associates with other assholes (most middle aged exec white guys) then it probably is an asshole. That didn’t work at all but you get the point, probably.
but refer to myself in the interim as an asshole
finally, a club I can join