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Upon departing the station the drive announced:
"For your safety and my sanity, please ensure you stand behind the yellow line when waiting for a train"
Suitably on topic
[url=
contains swearing but worse than that it links to Ricky Gervais' Facebook. Shudder![/url]
Bristol to London mainline c2003:
"The next stop will be Didcot parkway. Not a lot I can do about it I'm afraid but if you keep your eyes shut for the next 5 minutes you shouldn't be too badly affected."
Going north on a rammed metropolitan line train years ago, and the driver announces 'if you're on your way to Wembley I'm sorry to announce that the Michael Jackson concert has been cancelled', waited about 10 seconds and then said ' just kidding folks'. Classic.
Landing in Geneva with ba, would everyone please keep their seat belts on as some of the idiots in the buggies don't seem to be able to see us today.
On the return flight we will just be a little late as we are loading the last bags, 1 minute later we were heading off...
No bags when we got back if course.
After a long day getting back to tassie from nz at the point where the descent should start the pilot announce due to fog we will be heading back to Melbourne, at 10pm that was a collective groan.
Coming into Oxford on the Worcester HST service a few years ago and it's "ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly at Oxford. Please change here for services to Bicester, Banbury and the Botley Kebab Van"
Clearly the guard knew Oxford!
Not so much a tannoy announcement but did get a flight attendant of a trans Atlantic flight coming round with dinner describing/asking your choice of food when the alternatives of chicken or veggie pasta. He just asked "white stuff or green stuff?"
From a domestic UK flight years ago, an unfortunate pilot who must have got a plane smiling every time he introduced himself:
"Good morning ladies and gentleman, I'm your pilot today, Captain James Kirk"
"Good morning ladies and gentleman, I'm your pilot today, Captain James Kirk"
That wouldn't reassure me at all.
After a particularly... bouncy landing, I once heard, "ladies and gentleman, please remain seated whilst the captain taxies what's left of out aircraft to the departure gates."
Gotta disagree with Easyjet landings being crap, those who think so have obviously never travelled with Ryanair.
On landings coming into Banjarmasin in Kalimantan/Borneo the pilot was very silent as the rain got heavier and as we worked out later pulled up from about 10m off the deck...
Some truly legendary experiences in here
Oh, train announcement once, "thank you for flying with us, we will be cruising at an altitude of zero feet..."