Being generous is one thing, but if you go on holiday & she doesn't contribute anything, that's a sign that these is a serious imbalance in the relationship. If she's earning, she should be paying her way if you are equals.
Not necessarily. This is labouring under the man = breadwinner legacy perhaps.
I've been in relationships where I've been (comparatively) loaded, and where the OH has been the earner and I've been broke. As a partnership you play to your strengths and do what you have to do. A fiscal imbalance doesn't necessarily mean a relationship imbalance, it's situational. My OH is out of work currently, but to suggest that it's a one-sided relationship I should begrudge in ludicrous. "IF" she's earning is key there.
Op,
If you have had sexy time with her then [b]let it go [/b]by assuming you have done a charitable work.
If you have Not had sexy time then [b]assume you donated the money [/b]for someone in needs.
£550 ... that's nothing by BritLand standard.
Next time get the $$$ back before brutally dumping someone 🙂
OP I've been away for a while and I might have missed an important development, but, it's usual not to get too worried about trying to understand chewkw's musings.
Can I have a puff on that pipe next, chewy?
If I was you I would either write or tell her face to face that if she does not pay you the agreed sum back in 30 days you will take her to court, call her bluff and tell her you have been told by a solicitor that the evidence you have will be sufficient to ensure you win.
I'm confused why you agreed to go halves on the expense of flights, hotels etc if you knew she was insured and her insurance has coughed up for the whole sum (less any excess she had to pay) - Might be worth mentioning that if she does not pay you and it goes to court you will want to be recompensed for your total outlay - currently you are around £1200 of pocket and your ex has made a nice little profit and is taking the pee. Don't write the money off, everytime you are skint it will eat away at you for being taken for a mug.
Yep, this wi'bells on. She doesn't owe you £550, she owes you £1200, surely? Definitely worth pursuing in my book, although the dumping at the airport does weaken your case from a sympathy point of view. Your evidence for small claims court is a) that you paid for everything demonstrated by your CC records, and b) the fact that she has received a payout from insurance company. (Harder to produce, but unless she either hasn't claimed or is willing to lie to court, proveable). However, if she is young and lives or is still heavily influenced by her folks, a nice chat to her whilst they are present might be the way to go; if you play your cards right you could walk away with a cheque there and then. If not, send a written demand, then a 'letter before action', then open up a small claim. It's not very expensive. Also, try to save any corespondence that you have (texts, emails, faceache messages) between you that acknowledge the arrangement. These will strengthen your claim.I'm confused why you agreed to go halves on the expense of flights, hotels etc if you knew she was insured and her insurance has coughed up for the whole sum
£550 is nothing nowadays tbh especially if that girl used to be a friend for sexy time ...gofasterstripes - Member
OP I've been away for a while and I might have missed an important development, but, it's usual not to get too worried about trying to understand chewkw's musings.
Can I have a puff on that pipe next, chewy?
Yes, you can but it's just normal tobacco none of you cool dude weed ... high five!
i didnt dump her at the airport, we stayed another day, and it was ok, we got home, i drove hert from stansted to southend, she didnt say thank you once, as the days went on i reflected on our relationship and said it wasnt working for me, we had a discusiion and i siad i wanted it to continue but she must do more in our relationship, she would so i said its over. i didnt dump her at the airport
My OH is out of work currently, but to suggest that it's a one-sided relationship I should begrudge in ludicrous.
Yes but you are married
If you were dating someone and you paid for everything are you really saying it would not ring alarm bells?
Dumping 101 get your cash best hoody whatever back before you dump.
My mates boyfriend did her over for the cost of a joint holiday one letter before action got a letter back from his solicitor mate telling her to jog on one small claims fee and five minutes on the small claims docs and he filed a defence , one pre hearing phone call from the court staff and he paid 90% of the claim .
You don't do it to hassle her.
You do it to get your money back that you're owed.
OP one of your posts sounded like you wanted to expose her to STW?
No no no. That sounds petty?
You either want the £550 or you don't. You broke it up, move on. Get your money back if you are need of new wheels. Otherwise move on and go find Miss Right.
You have zero chance of getting your money back through formal legal action. Absolutely none. Could try getting a solicitor if you know one to write her a letter to see if it spooks her enough to pay you but if she doesn't there's nothing more you can do. And barely worth it for the amount of money involved.
There's no upside for you I can see in doing anything more than politely asking her in writing to pay you back if you haven't done that already. It's annoying that she's profiting from you helping her out but the last thing you want is her turning it into a claim of harassment.
Turn away and slam the door.
Tbh OP she probably thought the same, found it hugely stressful and maybe traumatic and maybe she too can I'll afford to take a day off unpaid and just wants to forget everything and move on.
She's not a business transaction, a business deal. She was a human. Are you generous really or someone who counts and remembers?
Move on. Forget it. I pay lots more I'm bills than my other half and yet I'm classed as 'tight' by many. Who cares.
Forget it mate, after six months of paying for everything she'd come accustomed to the wag lifestyle.
Not sure how you can ill afford a day off work but you can add £1200 for an extra day in Rome.
Don't think my last 3 night trip to Rome cost £500 all in for two . Lol
Being a tight northerner I don't think I'd put up with a bird that didn't pay her way or say thank you and appreciate my kindness..
Do you have her address? Why not write to her? Or go around to see her, phone and arrange a meeting specifically to resolve this issue....You know...Like adults.
This just gets more bizarre.
You spend £1200 on 24hrs hanging around Rome, dump the other half when you come back and then act all surprised when she doesn't want anything to do with you?
You are a prince among men; your next girlfriend will shower you with cash and gifts.
Just sit back and wait for her to come and find you.
@scotch egg
i stayed on for another day because she was at that stage destitute, no money, no credit card, no phone, nothing. i would have probably done it for anyone i knew. it was the first time we had spent 4 days together, there was always the chance that we may not get on, thats one of the reasons you take a weekend away together with someone relativately new, isnt it?
i didnt dump her when we got back, although the fact that she never thanked me once was a big factor in my decision, we spoke together about our holiday and our future together, we had differing expectations and agendas and i called it day. i asked her to come and see me and talk it through she wanted to carry on a before, i didnt.
whether or not she doesnt want anything to do with me, and whether its me or someone else, if you borrow money on the understanding that you are going to pay it back, then thats what you should do, isnt it.
you borrow money, you pay it back , end of !!!
im probably going to write her a letter as one last attempt and then let it go
These threads just get better and better. You'd only been seeing her for 6 months, it was the first time you'd spent 4 days together but you wanted her her to do more in the relationship so whilst she was distressed because she had her passport, bag, phone and credit cards stolen you lent her money under conditions because your such a generous guy. I bet she is sobbing her eyes out that you dumped her, my arse she is skipping with joy.
Write the money off and get a life.
Chalk, experience, lessons..
Sounds like a cheap way to never see her again, result.
And not yet a mention of back doors. Well done people.
What a bummer
Anyway, just think how much you'll be saving from now on.
Interesting thread! Some of my sympathy for the OP evaporated when he wrote that he had dumped her; Hell Hath no Fury like a Woman Scorned, etc.However we can't ever fully understand the feelings over the breakup and she will certainly have been traumatised by the theft as Hora points out, though now that she's back home and settled down, I still think a reasonably-worded letter from the OP pointing out that he can ill afford the loss (perhaps with a few emollients like he hopes she's got over it and he's sorry things didn't work out) might still do the trick. He needs to convey his determination to get the cash back while remaining polite and non-aggressive, which won't be easy.
[i]she didnt dump me, i dumped her. she wanted to carry on the relationship, i suppose it was worth £550 not to see her again lol [/i]
there you go then. As it stands do you really think she's going to pay you back after dumping her?? no chance in the whole universe. as said above, it's a write off. Forget about it and do something a lot more useful instead.
Oh sod it.
Look at it as you paid £550 to get rid of her.
Don't do it again.
At least she's not pregnant or its 6 years later in the relationship.
Get bike and ride.
Frankenstein - MemberOh sod it.
Look at it as you paid £550 to get rid of her.
Don't do it again.
At least she's not pregnant or its 6 years later in the relationship.
Get bike and ride.
Yep,
Entertaining thread to read (sorry Lester, I love a 'domestic') you sound young?
Anyway, through no more than the words on the page and the experience of being rumped a few times myself, just move on, remember this next time you're in a similar situation and "let it gooooo, let it gooooo".
The moment the relationship ended, your chances of seeing your money back ended with it - some people might be 'mature' enough to settle up, but not many - if I was honest, I wouldn't.
As for forcing her to pay up? No chance, it's hard enough to do when you've got signed contracts, a massive legal and debt collection department - ultimately to peruse it legally you'll need to risk a very large amount of money, for the chance to get back what is relatively small amount. You'll say it's a loan, She'll say it was a gift - the burden of proof is yours, you'll lose - there isn't a Judge Judy for the UK - you might even end up on the side bar of the Daily Fail "MAN DUMPS WOMEN AND THEN DEMANDS COST OF ROMANTIC BREAK BACK" there's been a spate of them recently, she might make a few grand out of it.
Now all you have to do is stalk her Facebook to see what kind of bling she's spending it on...
As others have said, it might seem a lot, but it's an awful lot less than you could have lost getting out of a bad relationship.
£9000 fees for a year a uni in the UK. You've just learned a lot more in the university of life for a lot less.
Here's a classic poem to cheer you up
HTH 8)
Lester £1200? I can be in any European country and book a B&B, etc etc asap without ££££.
I could show you how to do this? How did you arrive at £1200 for an extra day? AND on a credit card? The one thing that's going to prompt you to spend careful. It's not the never'ever 'tick mate.
On another note you 'dumped her'.
If I was her I'd block/ignore/avoid anything more to do with you.
Hotel for one night... and the 2 new flights he needed to buy?I could show you how to do this? How did you arrive at £1200 for an extra day?
The most you'll pay for a plane ticket is when you just missed your flight. The most you'll pay for a hotel is when you walk in off the street. The most you'll pay for a Taxi is to Rome or Barcelona airport.
Shop around?
I once spent 24hours in Charles De Gaule airport after blagging a free earlier flight home.
I guess the OP went back to the same hotel because he CBA
Do you want a lesson in life?!
The man who spent 24h in Charles de Gaulle when the centre of Paris is a few euros and half an hour away on the RER is offering lessons in life!
I had very little money. I'd blagged my way from Besancon on the train and food too.
Im skint right now..but i will take the high road than that £500
Whilst I've traveled alone spending almost nothing it's not realistic to impose the same on a companion. I think the OP did the right thing getting the lady home and bailing her out financially. I accompanied a lady back to France after we'd fallen out in Spain (and I've never heard from her since).
As to what to do now, she perhaps doesn't feel like paying more than she'd expected for a romantic break that resulted in her being dumped, and the OP would like to to recover some of his cash. I wasn't there so I'm not going to say whose side I'm on, I can only say what I'd do. Which would probably be a polite letter to apologise for the disastrous holiday with a polite request to send a cheque if ever she gets an insurance pay out on the extra costs. And then let it drop.
I don't know what the relative incomes are. I more than paid my share when employed and going out with a student and I've been living on my wife's income for some years now.
Maybe my posts read abit cockish. My ultimate point is I don't think the OP is generous more careless and marks pennies owed rather than be a romantic bloke. Then dumping her.
Maybe?
I think you should shag her one last time and slip the court summons in her bag on the way out.
At the and of the day, regardless of whos right or wrong, if you took it to court it would get thrown out, you say she owes you, she said her boyfriend gifted the cash to help out, hardly an unbelievable event. with nothing in writing there's no case to answer.
A polite request for the money back is probably the best bet, but if you dumped her... I don't fancy your chances, lol.
