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Ok guys and gals, need a bit of help here. Just had a call from my mate, Chris, who lives in Australia now. He's distraught, and a bit pissed I think.
Background; he's 34, and had his fair share of girlfriends. A few serious, most not. Of the ones who were serious, they were more serious than he was, and wanted commitment, so he ran away. He had pretty much decided that he wasn't the type to settle down with one girl, although he really admired and almost envied people who did.
So, a few months ago he meets a girl who catches his attention like no one else ever has. Love at first sight he reckons. They had a few dates, and he had pretty much decided that she was the one.
However the other night, she calls it all off, saying that she has a problem with the fact they work together. Which is why he now reckons he's distraught and has been drowning sorrows.
Now, I've known him simce we were 16 or something, and I've never heard him talk like this about any girl, so I believe him when he says he thinks she is the one. I want to offer him some advice. I have some thoughts, but I wanted to know what all you wordly wise folks on here have to say about it.
So, over to you, we've got 10 hours till he gets to work and checks his e-mail.....
He could resign?
That was his first thought, but no job, no visa, so he would have have to come home.
He'll get over it.
he doesn't want to
marry her, and resign?
Could it be that the 'working together' reason is just a way of letting him down gently?
It is a relatively new relationship which usually means the speed of falling in love is matched by the speed of getting over any rejection.
As said above, he'll get over it.
Could it be that the 'working together' reason is just a way of letting him down gently?
My thoughts too.
sounds like a long overdue taste of his own medecine.
Shit excuse to dump him by the girlfriend.
She needs to woman the **** up and give it to him straight before he goes insane or drives you insane with his moaning.
Does the office have a stationery cupboard?
You know what needs to happen next...
It is a relatively new relationship which usually means the speed of falling in love is matched by the speed of getting over any rejection.
In this case, don't think so. Whatever happens, I think I'm going to be hearing about this girl for a very long time.
Just to re-emphasise - for my mate, this is different.
But the point being is that it is a fresh wound. If, in a year's time, he still has issues then fair enough.
sounds like a long overdue taste of his own medecine.
I wouldn't quite put it like that, but something along these lines occurred to me also.
Why is the fact they work together a problem...seems she is using that as an excuse to dump him. He should move on and try and change his job as it wont be much fun working with someone he's fallen for and cant have, it will also get worse when she meets someone else. Hes going to have to sort himself out before it gets ugly.
Does the office have a stationery cupboard?You know what needs to happen next...
eh, what? I'm thick me.
In Sweden they have a phrase about love and it all going wrong, "Up like the sun, down like a pancake"
Tell him to be cool nothing puts a girl off faster than someone pining for them and being all pathetic. Get some VB's down his neck and MTFU
He needs to tie her up and leave her in the stationery cupboard to die. I think.
"She needs to woman the **** up and give it to him straight before he goes insane or drives you insane with his moaning."
agree+1
she's not interested, the more he whines about it, the less interested she'll be.
He should offer to move jobs then. If she's not keen on the idea, he should just leave it be & rack it up to experience.
There's always Dobbie.
He should offer to move jobs then
he's in Australia on a visa. No job, no visa.
Dobbie
?
peep show reference
It would seem he has met his match - or more appropriately - his better.
He may think she is the one, she obviously doesn’t think the same about him.
Get some VB's down his neck and MTFU
😆
It seems he's already been trying that, and it looks to have had th opposite effect
she obviously doesn’t think the same about him
agree, at least not yet. But what could he do to find out whether or not it's worth pursuing, and what should his pursuit tactics be?
Find someone else pdq for a quick, meaningless, but very obvious and visible shagfest, if the other one does not seem bothered he has proven it to himself, moved on and had some fun whilst doing so.
The best way to get over one woman is to get under another.
From your original post- she doesnt feel the sameway about him. It happens, for a relationship to develop both people have to feel the sameway. Shes given him a gentle let down 'we work together'.
Otherwise if she felt as intensely as him she would be agonising over it with him not just dumping him.
In these circumstances if he chases after her hes going to be in trouble on a fair few levels.
rogerthecat - Member
Find someone else pdq for a quick, meaningless, but very obvious and visible shagfest,
Less of the visible, please. If you must dip your nib in the company inkwell, at least have the decency to follow tradition and do it in the stationery cupboard.
he's been dumped, groveling will only make him seem more pathetic and uninteresting. Sounds like he got used, so I guess he can now empathize with the people who he used in the past now.
He wasn't the one for her.
Working together is a load of tosh but also could be the truth.
Thing is if he can find another job then comes back to her for some other excuse.
He's obsessed and even we can understand-he sounds a bit crazy and needs to back down.
It will take time to get over her.
Ask him what he would say to a friend in the same position.
Not easy seeing an Ex at work all day I can imagine.
Or STW answer: get layed and you'll feel fine.
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You can always not give him any advice,just take the pi$$ out of him! Have you asked him for photos of her...if so post em up here and we can judge if shes worth it.
Something about Mary is a great film about stalkers - recommend it to him to watch again?
No, I don't know [i]everything[/i] about women, but there's one thing I know for sure - Nothing says "I love you" like nailing the bloodied corpse of her pet cat to her front door!
I know Fritzel was wrong but there is a way he can keep her as his girlfriend pretty much indefinitely.
Has this thread reached the stage in it's lifecycle where I won't get any more useful comments?
Been quite good so far. Confirmed most of my first thoughts. Thanks folks.
Would have been nice to get a lady on though....sorry if you were a lady and I didn't realise.
Now.....how to break it to him?
Just get him to log onto STW!
Just get him to log onto STW!
You know I was thinking of that, maybe you will hear from the man himself.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend... 😉
Oh shit. All you lot with the bad advice are in trouble. Im ok, I offered Fritzel 😀You know I was thinking of that, maybe you will hear from the man himself.
Maybe the speed / intensity of his interest has just plain scared her. It is quite possible she is trying to back off in a way she sees as kind and caring towards him.
Also working with someone you are or have dated can be a terrible experience when stuff goes wrong - she may have seen or experienced this before and is worried it may happen to them.
I suggests he talks to her and tries to find out if its really about work, or if its about other issues. This could be a painful discussion.
If she likes him enough, she too has the option of changing jobs. Or they could both work in the UK for a while or in some other country where they can both get work in a field of interest.