An old friend of ours once got himself a new girlfriend. The morning after she'd stayed over for the first time, the dog jumped onto the bed, only to turn round and present her bum hole with a rubber johnny hanging out of it.
He really, really should have found himself a girlfriend sooner than that.
My mates dog ate its own sick the other week. Lovely
Mate of mine had two Giant Schnauzers. One time, the smaller - well, least giant - of the two threw up in their living room, the semi-digested result of something revolting she'd eaten during walkies earlier. Before my mate could react, the other dog hoovered it straight back up again.
My cocker spaniel started feeding on one of the adult roe deer that it caught. Wasn't a pretty sight, as he did what most predators do in the wild, which was to make entry into the abdominal cavity via the anus (where the skin is thinnest).
That dead rabbit.........
When my boy was potty training we had to be light on our feet or our whippet would snaffle up the number twos in the blink of an eye.
My wife's knickers...
Our dear departed Rosie managed to swallow 2metres of blue Theraband ( 150mm wide rubber strip used for physiotherapy)
I was just about to attach said theraband to the door to do my exercises post shoulder surgery. The phone rang, so I rolled it up, put it on top of the sofa. It was a wrong number so I was away for 40 sec max. When I came back, No theraband and a dog licking her lips.
She was given an emetic at the vets and eventually it returned. I was offered it to take home but declined. When I went back to the physio department they laughed at me. Not sure why.......
Low five
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Just spotted this on t'Internets.
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One Xmas Basil worked out how to open a big tin of Quality Street.
He isn't bright enough to unwrap them so for the next few days we had sparkly dog poo .
Very Christmassy
I was clearing up the lawn and realised why the kids were forever moaning that they couldn't find any BBs. The dog turds were all studded with yellow plastic.
Current lab has eaten three wallets, a pink highlighter, many, many shoes, but her finest moment was three sky remotes in 48 hours.
Our (lab of course) never eats anything except dog food, poo (not her own) and anything dead. Gross.
- this has cheered me up no end 🙂three sky remotes in 48 hours.
I've had dogs all my life, and the only things the dogs have chewed up that have bothered me were Optimus Primes gun (age about 8), and more recently a brand new pair of insoles from some Specialized mtb shoes. Pretty insignificant compared to some of the above.
To the person above whose wife wants to rehome the dog because she has lost interest. Please don't give up just yet, and if you do decide to rehome please find some owners that will want to keep it for the life of the dog.
This has made me feel much better, and even a bit lucky for what our whippet eats. Apart from any accessible human food (5 hotdogs in one night was a record), the worst of it is several pairs of headphones, a pair of Oakley's, the cord from a fan and 2 kindles...so far
When I was a lad we were due to a friend's house for a big Christmas lunch. They had prepared it and headed to church. Whilst they were out the Lab (surprise) got into the oven. It ate the whole turkey, all the spuds, veg, stuffing, sausages, even the sprouts. This was a Christmas meal for 12 people. When they got back the dog was unconscious. The vet call out and stomach pump on Christmas Day was north of £500. And no Christmas lunch for 3 families. How dim is a dog that will eat itself to actual death?
More recently I went to a housewarming, the host prepared sausages for an huge crowd of people in the oven, left over was a baking tray with a good 2 inches of grease in it, he put this by the back door. His father let their whippet out for a pee.
The litre of sausage grease turned into a vile liquid effluvia inside the animal and came out of its other end like a hose. The whippet was clearly terrified and had tried to evade its own horrendous wet tail of filth, by running around the open plan house.
When they got up every surface, tv, stereo, books, kitchen, sofas, EVERTYTHING was sprayed with the foulest substance imaginable. This as just as they'd finished building and decorating the place. It all had to come out.
I've got more too, dogs, idiots. 😆
Friend had a barbecue a few years ago. Their dog was normally mental around cooking meat, but was strangely passive that night
Then their eldest started kicking off that someone had nicked his stash of weed from the shed.
A quick smell of the dogs breath confirmed who the thief was.....
Pictonroad, that reminds me of my mother and father's lab. They used to have an Aga, and were in the habit of letting the chip pan cool on a trivet on the floor next to it. They didn't use the chip pan much, but the puppy was perhaps six months old and drank the contents as it never occurred to them that she would be interested. She woke Dad up by nuzzling his hand, and he couldn't work out why it was so greasy. Once out on the lawn apparently the lubricating effect was spectacular and voluminous.
Bird's nest, complete with three baby birds .....
Once when we had dogs and bitches and the bitch came on heat, we shut our dog in the downstairs bathroom to thwart his amorous advances. We came home from somewhere to find he had eaten himself a hole big enough to escape through in a double plasterboard stud partition wall.
Only pic I have has been posted before but worth a repeat in the context of the thread. This is our current dog (now 13) exploring the wonderful and rank world of the farm
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Many years ago I watched a mates lab munch his way through an industrial size block of dope. Several weeks supply for a heavily stoned couple. I didn't realise what he was eating. Dog slept well that night but showed no after affects.
I was once hanging out with a lass I know & she had nipped up too her room to get some more pot. Unfortunatley her gluttonous rotund spaniel had found it first & had munched approx 10 grms of rather nice morrocan. We found it cowering under her bed, it was not enjoying itself 😆
A mate's Newfoundland ate a cassete tape, this became obvious when after one of it's many legendary mountainous turds, it ran around with streamers of tape trailing from it's butt hole.
Also saw the same Newfoundland swallow a black bird whole(Feathery type)
My black lab was a nightmare as a pup, she chewed / ate loads of stuff. One of her highlights was a feast of paint testers in various shades of red and cream. These were consumed on a lounge carpet that had only been down for a week. The following morning she stopped for a dump and in the middle of the poo was the intact foam applicator pad from one of the testers. Nice.
