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Your lawn has developed a noticeable hump where you wash your bike down after rides.
Your wife frequently pours cold water into her coffee on Friday mornings because you've unplugged the kettle to charge your lights.
Any more?
Your shins are serrated !
ps only 1 plug socket at your house ?
You see the same threads come round on Singletrack on a six monthly basis 😉
Patch of dried mud in the middle of the patio.
You no longer worry about stripping off in the middle of a car park.
your daily obsession is the weather and the temperature outside.
While colleagues are bothered about a bit of drizzle, you don't consider anything less than a monsoon as proper rain.
You don't care about wheel sizes 😈
you're pushing up too many hills! 😆cheekyboy - Member
Your shins are serrated !
You can work/think in metric and imperial. (without being an engineer).
you only see bad weather as a different choice of jacket.
You can tell 15 different types of animal poo apart.
your wife asks you to move 'all these maps' so she can sit down and eat breakfast.
You post in the chat forum about bikes anyway as they're so awesome.
Your washing machine has its own page at change.org
'Skids' means at least two things.
Choosing between (a) brake pads for yr 'significant other' or (b) flowers for your spouse causes only momentary consternation
Your partner knows where the filter is on the washing machine, and routinely empties it of all the accumulated mud, leaves and small twigs without mentioning it.
Your bike is worth more than the car you use to take it to the trails.
When purchasing a house, one of the most important criteria is where the bikes are going to live.
Your washing machine has its own page at change.org
Your partner knows where the filter is on the washing machine, and routinely empties it of all the accumulated mud, leaves and small twigs without mentioning it.
These two are so true! 😆
I'd add: when choosing family holidays you look on the local OS map first to see how many "pink dashed lines" is around the location - then you think about how to make the rest of the family to really want to go there!
You can use your own, hard earned, experience of multiple OTBs to sagely advise your newbie mate on how to avoid going OTB.
You understand stupid acronyms like OTB 😉
In addition - you stay up until 4am - despite a crucial meeting first thing the next morning - agonizing over whether to push the button (and reading multiple reviews, forum threads etc) on that new set of sintered pads and/or wheels/cranks/brake levers etc etc etc which will supply a performance enhancement and/or weight saving that you're too rubbish to ever really appreciate, let alone actually benefit from 
egb81 - Member
When purchasing a house, one of the most important criteria is where the bikes are going to live.
Too true. We're house hunting currently. Wife looks at the pictures, I go straight to the floor plan to check out internal access to the garage.
The 'choosing a family holiday' one rings particularly true with me 😳
The real skill comes in making my wife believe it was her choice, and then me 'searching around' for anywhere I might be able to ride my bike nearby, should we have room to take it 😀
Acronyms at work make mountain bike "sense" before the work meaning kicks in.
Too true. We're house hunting currently. Wife looks at the pictures, I go straight to the floor plan to check out internal access to the garage.
Too many garage thefts here, mine all live indoors*
*my girlfriend is extremely tolerant of my hobbies.
**a terraced house was the extents of our budget so there wasn't a huge amount of choice in the matter
Weather is something to be out in.
Car journeys in unfamiliar territory results in scanning local hills for trail.
House purchasing decisions are genuinely affected by storage and loading/unloading requirements.
Same for cars.
Ones benchmark of injury, and indeed, what constitutes an injury, go up.
When out walking, you trial sections of trial with imaginary bars and take bike approach angles.
You have a greatly increased bar of what constutes 'muddy'.
Fun without the pain of effort seems hollow.
Removing ticks and dealing with splinters becomes routine.
You have a comprehensive range of large wound dressings and lots of tape.
which tyre left the tracks on a muddy trail 😳
You find sram quick links while cleaning the washing machine's pump filter.
The day after heavy rain is and sunny, and other people comment on what a nice day it is but you don't agree because the trails are still filthy.
The pound to Swiss franc exchange rate isn't going to change or spoil your holiday plans
Your cycling clothes outnumber significantly day to day wear.
If forced by OH to walk in the countryside you use the opportunity to scope out new trails, frequently carrying air handlebars (which you wonder might be better wider)
I have been given that 'look' in the past for pointing out the tyre model that generic kids tyres are copied from when waiting to pick up from school. Most are either Tioga Comp III's, or Panaracer Smoke.
I have also not been allowed to bring a set of allen keys with me to put right a bike with forks on the wrong way round.
Your "bike wardrobe" cost more than your regular one and is considerably more hideous.
Locking up your bike is a perfectly planned operation whereas locking the car is something you only bother with when the bike's in there.
You have PA insurance...or is that only real racerz?
You have a rather extensive spreadsheet with columns for weight / colour / price / online merchant and spend weeks populating before your next purchase.
You may also have a 'tyre selector' spreadsheet which lists all the tyres in your collection, their weight, wheelsize, approx. wear and location (shed / under bed / loft / with mate etc...)
You spend more on mtb tyres than car tyres.
Servicing your bike costs more than your car
You spend more on mtb tyres than car tyres.
Very true, let's not discuss the cost of Dugast tubs....
Rocketdog, I've been so guilty of that recently, I even used the excuse of spotting red deer over the chase to walk a rather twisty up and downy new bit of trail I spotted.....luckily we did spot two roe deer and they legged it upon seeing us, the wife was made up and I was to when I went back a few days later and rode the same trail at night.
When buying a new house you look for outdoor hose connections.
....you order your first set of Chinese carbon road rims
You have non-native plants growing in the corner of the garden where you hose the bike down.
You have a semi-permanent chainring tattoo on right calf
Your shins are 90% scar tissue
When out on a walk, you can identify tyre tracks by manufacturer and model
When you are on a plane journey you spend your time looking out the window trying to spot trails
You have a conversation about geometry with a colleague who has no interest in what your talking about. You realise this and change the topic to shock compression.
DT78 - seek help for your spreadsheet addiction.
You see an attractive member of the opposite sex on a bike and realise you're trying to work out what tyres they're using 😳