[Closed] You know you are a mountain biker when...........

Dear god no. 15 pager coming up.

You don't go out in crap weather anymore cos you've done it for the past 23 years & just sold the factory that made the T shirts that said 'I ride my bike no matter what the weather'?

you know you are a mountain biker when glupton has disagreed with you.

You have a weekly reminder in your phone to 'charge lights' the day before the weekly evening group ride. You still forget to charge your cheap chinese 5000 lumen death trap until an hour before you set off. It goes out halfway down a descent.

You buy a CX bike to ride on normal trails to liven them up and stop your proper MTB from getting trashed

You can't walk anywhere without making imaginary handlebars and hitting lines.

You start asking what road wheels / tyres for your new bike

You see a woman on a bike and you check the bike out first

You've ridden with black stuff in your camelbak tube

You see a newish car for sale for £2-3000 at the roadside and catch yourself thinking "hell that's cheap, you could buy a bike for that!"

Have genuinely caught myself doing this a few times 😳

You only ride your bike on a Sunday if it's sunny.
Your bike costs less than your Audi A6.
You have to go on a skills course to be capable of riding your bike.
All of your mountain biking is actually done just off the a525 near wrexham.
You can't bunnyhop.
You wear howies or fox branded clothing.
You nod your head when cycling up hill.
You started off on a full susser but now ride a hardtail.

You come across a drop in a trail when out walking and shout 'and throw' while jumping off the rock pretending your a riding god!

When the drive you do to get to the ride takes longer than the ride itself.

When you ride a mountain bike on a mountain.

you take the dog for a walk where you go riding to check trail conditions and ninja some lines

i haven't got a dog

When you're out for a walk in the hills.

And see different types of bike tyre tracks.

And know what tyres they are! 😳

When you ride on something other than tarmac - KISS!

(OK, not the humorous pseudo wisdom you were looking for....)

You think riding on the road is a load of crap!

You wear baggy shorts all year round. Even when going out for meals with family (they don't appreciate it).

Your wife gets tired at leaving the fireroads and following some barely visible trail in the hope of a new discovery.

You stop the car suddenly in the middle of the road, following some barely visible trail in the hope of a new discovery.

You go to take a swig from your Camelbak when sitting at a desk and realising too late that it's not there. Your colleagues now think you have an annoying tick.

Oooh someone's a bit bitter and twisted today!

But in response to the OP.... When your kitchen permanently has muddy camelbaks hanging on a hook, lights charging next to the cooker, a set of Allen keys on top of the microwave, 2 pairs of muddy MTB shoes lurking under the table, and punctured inner tubes slung across the back of the chairs 😀

Falkirk mark
+1 😳

At bedtime your partner whispers in your ear, "I'm feeling adventurous tonight. Do you have any lube?" and you reply, "There's some in the shed. Do you think the conditions dictate wet or dry would be preferable?"

You take the racing/riding walking thru shops

Bunnyhoping in me car seat when driving over potholes.

Oooh someone's a bit bitter and twisted today!

I think it's frustrating that the true hard men of mountain biking, who get up at 6:30 on a sunday to drive 4 hours to the lakes to then spend another 2 hours pushing up the Walna Scar road before they even get to ride their bikes that cost them 2 months wages get mentioned in the same sentence as those that get up late, drive to llangdegla and spend an afternoon walking round the black route and eating bacon butties in the cafe.

There should be two separate genres: mountain biking and trail centre cycling.

DTF, too subtle for the monkeys.... 😀

So being a "true Hardman of mountain biking" is related to how long I drive, push my bike and the money I spend on it?

Damn I thought just riding it would gain me this legendary status...

Well this is what mountain biking used to be about - mens men, proper jumps, proper music, no ****ing about

Now most seem to do this when they come across a three foot drop off.

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.........you spend more time on Internet forums talking about mountain bikes than you do actually riding mountain bikes 🙄

when you get in your car you try to clip in

...and hats worn sideways, never forget; it's all about the hats...

Looking for a new house you put local trail quality and a man cave above things like it having enough bedrooms and being convenient for work.

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Crikey DavidTaylforth, anyone would think there is only one way to do this mountainbiking thing! 🙂

Got to admit though - natural is best, although I do like a bacon sandwich and a coffee if I can get my hands on them! I do think you are an amateur though - I was up at 4am to ride the Sunday before last!

When your mum's had a stroke on a Sunday morning and gets rushed to hospital, but you go for your weekly ride with your mate's instead.

When you rent your youngest son out to the local peado so you can afford to get your shock push tuned.

taylforth is correct..

add also..

When your spouse leaves you because you spend every spare waking minute talking on an internet forum with a bunch of argumentative and obsessive care in the community patients

You don' t care how many bikes other people have or how much they cost and what kit they wear, how many trips to Spain they've had or anywhere else. You just ride what you have and go where you want and ENJOY yourself regardless of how long or short a ride it was!!!.......oh, and don't give a toss what size wheels and what tyres you use.

mens men, proper jumps

Yeah... real cool...

........ your work diary has the usual weekly ride in it from 4.30pm just in case a meeting over-runs and also the same booked in on the day the ride usually gets moved to in the event of a postponement.

........ the hours spent not on the bike are spent wanting to be on the bike.

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - Member

You think riding on the road is a load of crap

^ This.

I also know I'm a bit of a roadie because the wine rack is full of bike bottles!

Yeah... real cool...

Jealousy isnt cool.

Some people just have the "gnar factor" - they can wear Sombrio clothing and get away with it

When 'going for a walk' involves a bow saw and 2 hours of dead tree clearance.

...you won't ride anything other than 26'' wheels.

Yup, hard as nails that! 😆

When you come across some tech fest and get so excited you make chimp noises! 😆