[Closed] Purist MTB'er

You've broken one of the most important rules in the purist rule book!
Page: 248 section 2B - [b]"Purists do not participate in interwebs based forums."[/b]

Purist MTB’ers don’t need a 45 litre rucksack for two hour rides stuffed to the gills with every “cool tool”, “Swiss army knife” and cotter pin remover even if it has a hydration system fitted.

Are you selling the Zaskar to make way for a real purist bike?. An alloy framed carbon forked bike with disc brakes isn't purist, you need something like this...

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[b]To be honest it doesn't matter how or what you ride, so long as you enjoy it.[/b]

:facepalm:
The list of STWers with a sense of humour that I'd like to meet and ride with is getting shorter.

Devs- you've hit the nail on the head.

some things you just shouldn't joke about..

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Love it! Except I call it Jey Pride. Couple more things to add to the list - handlebars, must be of flat profile no more than 580mm wide - riders must be less than 10% body fat.

full bouncer

As soon as I see this phrase I switch off.

agree with the bit about the rucksack/camelbak comment.The funniest sight is seeing someone in xc race with a full to bursting M.U.L.E. or similar on their back.

Well I enjoyed the post and I applaud the bloke for sitting and typing all that. I would certainly class myself as a traditionalist as my mountain bike is as light and simple as I can build it, hardtail, rigid forks, original Hope minis, thumbshifters, all designed for reliability and light weight. On a recent trip over High Street (25 miles and well over 4,000 ft of carrying and pushing the bike) I had considerably more left in my tank at the end of the ride than my three companions who were on FS bikes and were absolutely shelled by the weight of the things.... and they all said they couldn't get past me on the fast downhill sections.

Don't agree with the bits about bottles - hydration packs are perfect for mountain bikers and I certainly don't agree on cafes, a cafe stop makes any ride more sociable and enjoyable and we're not riding to suffer, are we?

I liked the bit about mechanical reliability though; a well-maintained bike shouldn't break down and I must have spent several hours in the last 23 years standing around shivering while some fellow rider struggled to fix something that had come adrift or needed adjusting because of lack of maintenance.

Why flame the bloke for a controversial post? He has his opinions, that doesn't make him worthy of abuse. Cyclists are terrible fashion conformists and the reaction of many on here proves that.

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lol@ Jey pride

Why flame the bloke for a controversial post?

Nothing wrong with controversial, but if you post in a "I'm right, you're wrong" manner, what on earth do you expect?

Love it! Except I call it Jey Pride. Couple more things to add to the list - handlebars, must be of flat profile no more than 580mm wide - riders must be less than 10% body fat.

Lol

All the comments ^^^^^ tell me one thing. We're all secretly worried that kingkongsfinger MIGHT BE RIGHT! 😆

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

as far as i'm concerned anybody who rides a bike isnt a true 'purist'

a real, true 'Purist' is one who understands that riding erodes god's greatest gift to us and chooses to stay at home masturbating violently into their retro rapha cap

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Phil, I must be a purist then. I've filled three caps already. 😆

* Sighs with relief and wafts cap over sore willy area *

.

Yea, well done kingkongsfinger - a fun OP. Pertinent in many ways and brilliant at provoking responses. The vehemence of some seems to be closely correlated with the points you made. Quite a giggle to lurk and read!!

Next stop - can you try triathlon? Perhaps a bit too middle class/Tory for STW though!!!!

I struggle with long sentences.

The gist I picked up was "I have picked a bike from a particular point in time and will now decree everything that came before as 'old and ridiculous' and everything that has come after as 'unnecessary'"

load of bollocks.

Just ride.

chilllll people, anyone would think benji had written an article telling people they should just go out and enjoy riding or something!

Single speed bikes, oh dear. Why go back in time and ride one. Maybe you’re an attention seeker or you cannot adjust gears, most SS women and bean lickers. Most SS people use them as an excuse for being slow, you do not fit into the Purist category, unless you where there in the conception, Re-pack

A purist is one who desires that an item remain true to its essence and free from adulterating or diluting influences

Still looking for any hint in the OP that he is joking rather than being a bit of a twit.

Those who think the former may be getting it just as wrong as those who think the latter, and may just be trying to show how chilled and very sensitive they are to hidden humour.

For me the OP is a decent bit of polemic writing, and interesting, but not leavened by any humour or self-insight...

Kulhavy

Sauser,

Overend,

Tomac

Baker,

Absalon

and Juarez

you massive plum.

Hydration is strictly via bottles

that is all.

Being a real cyclist I can understand where the OP is coming from, but I fear he has strayed from the course of cycling pureness.
For those who wish to follow the true path I recommend the [url= http://theleagueofcyclingpurity.wordpress.com/ ]The leauge of cycling purity[/url]

I like the OP. I don't necessarily agree with all of it but I really like it.

I have a 26" hardtail which runs the same tyres all year but might change from year to year depending on developments or changes in tyre ranges when my preferred tyres are discontinued and it doesn't have a 'dropper seatpost'. I always wear a helmet (even for nipping to the shops), use a 15litre bag with hydration system, don't own 3/4 length baggies, do wear lycra on it's own in winter, don't strap stuff to my bike because I'm wearing a bag that will carry it, haven't ridden at a trail centre for 10 months, have only driven to a ride 4 times in 2011 and I've been mountain biking for 16 years and riding bikes for more than 25 years.

Am I a purist or not? I can't decide... what I can decide is that I don't want to be a purist if that means i'm anything like the OP 🙄

What a strange post, I just dont get the point of your message. So you are a purist and as such sit in your ivory tower making critical appraisals of other people riding bikes and having fun. Live and let live...

Never felt quite on the same train of thought with 90% of people who post on here, never seem to quite fit in a category, to which there are quite a few, think I’m in a minority, dare I say a purist.

I would say you have issues that are deeper than just cycling.

sneakyg4 - Member

I have registered just to salute the OP, I like your style.

Unfortunately I can never live up to it, I like all bikes; mountain, road, whatever.

I like most bike, non MTB's I own are a TT bike and two road bikes that I race on, not at the same time and when im not racing the MTB

cynic-al - Member
What a dick.

Ya Mam.

Shackleton - Member

Why do I get the feeling you read the Daily Mail and vote BNP?

Your feelings are wrong.

pete68 - Member

I sort see what you mean but people should just do what they enjoy. If thats not the same as you then does it matter. Also, following you're criteria how is Kulhavy a purist? He rides a carbon full sus 29er!

People are getting their chammy in a twist about 29'ers, I never mention that a 29 er is or is not Purist bike as with carbon or alloys. 29'ers are being ridden by PRO's because the sponsor wants to sell a load and get R+D feedback. 29'ers arnt sorted yet, to many variations in angles by all makes still, wait a year at least before buying when all the R+D settles down.

lardcore - Member

"Yo, imma gonna let you finish but PURIST MTBing is the best thing of all time. OF ALL TIME!"

The irony of screaming that all is lost and we need to return to roots, promptly following by getting out the ruler, setting strict definitions for said roots (not forgetting mandatory brand names) is not lost.

I cycled on a Soviet road bike made of fricking gas tubes, with tubular tires on icy roads with temperatures reaching -15C wearing a winter jacket which would be rejected by most charity shops. Where do I get my purist medal?

Top trolling though.

Not about returning to your roots, its about riding bkes and wearing/using/carring stuff that you dont need and ending up looking like a Joey.Purist medal, not sure where to get one, try writing to Jim'll fix it

j-cru - Member

Does anyone else get the feeling the OP dictated this post to a servant whilst sat on a queen anne chair in a wood panelled study, its like a 1900's etiquette pamphlet for MTB debutantes FFS

Like this post but not true, a chaise longue is my bag baby.

yunki - Member

Kulhavy, Sauser, Overend, Tomac, Baker, Absalon and Juarez to name but a few purists, massive respect.

you're almost there but if you were really a purist and not just a desperate wannabe.. then you wouldn't have a fricken clue what any of the names above mean..
why..?
cos you'd be too busy riding bikes to be bumming up to these toned adonis in your room at night via the pages of some corporate mens appreciation magazine..

you are unchaste.. contaminated.. get a life dude.. you sold out before you even started

Yo Dude, no sell out... flick over your palmares for inspection, and stop associating me with your homo erotic night time magazine fantasy's.

djglover - Member

Sounds like an OP from a guy whose wife irons a crease down the front of his stonewash M&S jeans.

PURE MAN!

Dont have a wife, although I am getting married this Sunday (true) as for M+S, jeans and creases, the mind boggles, thats sick.

devs - Member

:facepalm:
The list of STWers with a sense of humour that I'd like to meet and ride with is getting shorter.

Posted 11 hours ago #Report-Post

GlitterGary - Member

Devs- you've hit the nail on the head.

EXACTLY

teamhurtmore - Member

Yea, well done kingkongsfinger - a fun OP. Pertinent in many ways and brilliant at provoking responses. The vehemence of some seems to be closely correlated with the points you made. Quite a giggle to lurk and read!!

Next stop - can you try triathlon? Perhaps a bit too middle class/Tory for STW though!!!!

maybe i will do a triathalope one, but my wife to be is a triathalope and I have enough material to go on for decades on the subject, although she can go round corners unlike 99% of "them" who treat corners like 50 pence pieces.

Purist??? ... more of a Mountain Biking Luddite 😉

OP is GOLD. the joke's on those whose protesteth too much

ending up looking like a Joey.

I'm confused, I've got a 100mm hardtail but also a full susser. Am I purist or does the full susser cancel the 100mm hardtail out?

THESE THINGS MATTER DAMMIT!

I say

Purist = tedious person full of inflated self-importance. True of pretty much any field you care to choose.

Pretty good troll though I have to say.

When I get worried about my purist status I ask the animals on the trails.
Squirrels and badgers have seen it all, and speak the truth.

8) makes I larf'
Not sure about the helmet thing - they wear out and you have to replace stuff.
Nor the bottles thing - after breaking bottle cages regularly on a trail off Barton Creek 20 years ago I was very glad to switch to a camelbak.

But better than % of the posts here...

Not read any of the replies but to the original poster 'couldn't have put it better myself' these are the things I'm always thinking but never say..........superb, simply superb!

You seem to have Downhill MTB’ers, Freeride MTB’ers, single speeders, trail centre only riders, commuter racers, 29er’s and people with homemade or cobbled together contraptions. What happened to the simple 26” h’tail with front suss or a 100 mm travel full bouncer, which can cope with 99% of the UK terrain.

Nothing happened to it. I ride one. I also ride a SS version of the same bike, plus I’ve got a DH bike, a couple of folding road bikes, and an all mountain bike for riding up big hills and then descending them. You want to ride Chatel on a 100mm hardtail, be my guest.

As a Purist MTB’er you don’t need body armour, shin guards, full face helmet or even a helmet with a chin guard.

OK, go and ride the Alps without the above. Your call, but don’t expect sympathy when you’re bleeding on the trail

Peaks are acceptable, but frowned upon.

Purist MTB’ers don’t need a 45 litre rucksack

The reason for this is a Purist looks after his bike and very seldom, maybe once every five years or so has a mechanical failure, when this occurs they can usually limp home or worse case shoulder it and yomp home.

Really? You’ve never wiped out a derailleur? I suppose you’re never more than a few miles from home, so you’d not understand that sometimes you need to be totally self-sufficient.

rotors no bigger than 160 mm diameter

Hydration is strictly via bottles, if you drink a lot, down a litre before you set off and carry a spare bottle or two in your jersey pocket.

Eat your food on the go, you should have the skills to do this, if not your not a purist.

All these items should be taped to the bike with insulation tape or a toe strap, the latter being better form.

Yeah grandad, like toe straps have any relvance in the 21st century

As for punctures these are infrequent as Stan’s no tubes are your friend (which is a piece of pi55 to set up despite people harping on every other week about compressors etc )

UST for the last ten years on my bikes. Stan’s? A cheap imitation. And I suppose you don’t bother with tyre levers, or even a small multi tool? How about a chainbreaker (or have you never broken a chain)?

¾ length baggies on a bike are ridik.

Single speed bikes, oh dear. Why go back in time and ride one. Maybe you’re an attention seeker or you cannot adjust gears, most SS women and bean lickers. Most SS people use them as an excuse for being slow, you do not fit into the Purist category, unless you where there in the conception, Re-pack.

I am a purist

No, you’re someone who has decided that everything you does is right, and that everything done by anyone else is wrong.

Isn't that a pre-requisite on here? 😉 Or is that only political threads?

The quality of the OP will be determined by how many pages this extends to!!

OP is GOLD. the joke's on those whose protesteth too much

This. In spades.

I reckon I'm a 100% impurest mountain biker. And loving it.

Pure genius this thread, it's kept me amused all day 😀