Forum menu
Great lies to tell ...
 

[Closed] Great lies to tell cycling newbies

Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Deep heat is really good to use as chamois cream. Especially for women 😯

Nah, you'd have to be an evil got to do that 👿


 
Posted : 24/01/2016 8:50 pm
Posts: 4418
Full Member
 

"It gets easier"

😆


 
Posted : 24/01/2016 9:08 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

The left over water from strained pasta is an excellent energy drink.

And what is wrong with 100psi ?


 
Posted : 24/01/2016 9:11 pm
Posts: 507
Free Member
 

If you ride at that bog fast enough, you'll go straight through it(closely followed by OTB into head to toe foul smelling filth).


 
Posted : 24/01/2016 10:39 pm
Posts: 23599
Full Member
 

26" wheels were banned by the EU


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 12:39 am
Posts: 52609
Free Member
 

Undulating only comes out when you have said there are no more climbs one time to many...
Guide Speak?
3 grades of trail with Yvan in France
It is OK
It is a little Rocky
You may die

Little lies?
Roadies are not miserable bar stewards, they are just concentrating too hard on not falling off to acknowledge anyone else.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 12:46 am
Posts: 66115
Full Member
 

mikewsmith - Member

3 grades of trail with Yvan in France
It is OK
It is a little Rocky
You may die

You forgot "The next trail, it's not so good..." But yep. "This trail... maybe we crash? We go?"


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 1:10 am
Posts: 52609
Free Member
 

ah yes the one between a little rocky and you may die 😉

Such a fun trip

Oh and when somebody new to the group asks if it will be fine on a HT just point to the other bloke on a HT who could probably ride down anything without blinking and say yeah he does fine...


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 1:17 am
Posts: 24859
Free Member
 

Not strictly relevant here, but loving the 'guidespeak' ones and reminds me a ski guide in Chamonix.

At various points on the tour he'd warned us of crevasses and told us "If you fall here, do not try to get up, we will ski back and help you back upright"

Until the section where he started "If you fall here, do not try to get up........... we will ski back later and put a cross up where you fell"


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 8:47 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Northwind - Member
It's totally reasonable to have to service your forks every 15 hours

Are you a fox rep?


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 9:55 am
Posts: 41872
Free Member
 

Some of those are a bit too close to some of the actual advice I've heard:

"well, I suppose it'd be Ok as a shopping bike or for commuting but you're going to need to get something for off road if you come out again" (aimed at my Swift after going out with a new group for the first time, the dispenser of the advice couldn't ride his gnarpoon for toffee.

"you need to only look at 650b wheels or bigger" aimed at some newbies on £400 giant hardtails who were asking questions about what to upgrade to. I mean come on, we'd been riding the same trails for years on 26" bikes, and now they're no longer suitable? Because the group defiantly didn't get faster. I told them to go on ebay and pick up a 26" bargain.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 10:58 am
Posts: 10341
Free Member
 

You'll learn more on a hardtail.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:12 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

"Come on you'll enjoy it"
"this is the best bit"
"Not far now"
"Nearly there"
"It's all downhill from here"

As an aside there were quite a few ladies around Cannock at the weekend. No disrespects but some of the overheard comments seemed to sum up the hopelessness of the situation e.g.

"How do you expect me to ride up there? It's too steep and I'm in the wrong gear" (start of the Monkey)
"Is it all like this? It's horrible" (monkey on the way to Five Ways)
"How much further is it?" (various)
"What's the most direct way back to the visitor centre?" (various)

🙂


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:18 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

On joining The Mid Devon Cycling club in the 80's and riding with Colin Lewis*; you only need a 42-21 around here, and in the bunch dont brake put your elbows out.
*The only Welsh man to have completed the TDF, in case you dont know your history.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:20 am
Posts: 13525
Full Member
 

The only Welsh man to have completed the TDF, in case you don't know your history

I'm sure Luke Rowe and Geraint Thomas might argue that point.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:26 am
Posts: 254
Free Member
 

I'm sure Luke Rowe and Geraint Thomas might argue that point.

I assumed he meant at that point in time.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:32 am
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

Yes thanks hexhamstu, i did!!


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:41 am
Posts: 396
Free Member
 

one for the roadie café

" I'll get the coffee while you tell that guy he's forgotten to put the dust caps back on his valves "


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 11:44 am
Posts: 0
Full Member
 

Only the weak use the smaller chainring.


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 12:15 pm
Posts: 0
Free Member
 

To new member on first road club ride:
"See that old duffer* over there? He always struggles on club runs. Tell him you'll look after him and give him a push if he needs it."

[i]*The late Roger Queen, former 50 mile TT champion.[/i]


 
Posted : 25/01/2016 12:23 pm
Page 2 / 2