Anyone developed a good technique for this?
My standard so far has been to stand out of the saddle at the "predicted point of emission" or (PPoE). I've had some success with this but I find problems in:
A) The longer I stand up, the longer I spend coasting and so need to put more pedals in post-fart
B) The PPoE can have some pretty large uncertainty, sometimes I'm standing for a couple of seconds before successfull release, exaggerating the problem in 'A'
C) For some reason wearing one of those arse sponge baselayers makes it really hard to tell whether I've gambled too much on a bum trumpet, sometimes giving me a few tense moments after release trying to decide whether I'm carrying an unwanted passenger
Anyone found a good way to crunch out those air biscuits when riding? Anyone else feel affected by the issues above?
Would buying 650b wheels help?
Wide bars are key here, leverage innit?
Upset some violent type and when he goes to tear you a new one be very specific where you want it. Somewhere like your shoulder would be good if you don't wear a pack...
this is what cut-out saddles were invented for, no?
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I tend to find locking my knees out, putting a little more weight over the front, and pushing with a strong core helps.
I think I'm pretty good at predicting whether the bottom burp is going to be a little damp in consistency so don't push too hard in those instances.
Sometimes I be a little daring and stay seated at the PPoE...it changes the tone and volume, sometimes pleasingly
I go for the smuggling ducks whilst pedalling option, squeezing a bit more out on each pedal stroke until fully deflated.
Amateurs - What you need to do is slightly slide back on the saddle so that your rectum is off the back - let rip - slide back to normal position.
On the road I find there are two categories of in-motion trump:
- the "ease and squeeze"
- the "uploaded to cloud storage"
The former sits lower in the fart duct prior to escape, often resulting from the need for gas to negotiate a brown train whose carriages are halted in the tunnel waiting for a green light. This type of parp can be released in several quacks while turning the pedals.
The latter, which accumulates uncomfortably above the entrance to the fart duct, results from a major build-up of cloud data and has to be downloaded via a high-bandwidth pipe (any train in the tunnel will not only prevent this, but will also result in a terribly mixed metaphor). This requires a stand-and-coast system of operation whereby the entire payload is sent in one large packet. In extreme cases, one must take care not to lose control of the bicycle due to the reaction forces involved and the rapid loss of pressure within the torso (this is the main reason that many personal trainers advocate core strength exercises for cyclists).
Either way, I've no idea what an "arse sponge baselayer" is. I would hope that it is permeable to gas, without too much tendency to draw fetid moisture out of one's eggy drifter as it passes through.
It's impossible to fart whilst pedalling.
Unless anyone can prove otherwise?
You need a dropper post. Makes farts come alive.
if you're 'operating wet' be sure to shout 'afterburner!' on release and accelerate so as to warn any drafters
It's impossible to fart whilst pedalling.Unless anyone can prove otherwise?
Can't prove it, but I have managed it - 6 years of commuting on a fixie taught me certain things, including simultaneous parp-pedalling. Takes a lot of careful concentration and careful sphincter control, as the tendency is to force it out come what may, which could result in, ahem, extras. 😯
I'll admit I was VERY pleased with myself the first time I managed it (after several years of trying and failing), but it sure beats ending up at the traffic lights with monstrous gutache before deflating violently (and audibly) amongst the other commuters.
One of my riding buddies and one of my team mates both tend to guff more than the average man
It hurts my eyes and makes me cry
It's a bit like KERS, I deploy KERS when climbing.
Careful if you have 650Bs. You don't want the fart to become too alive.
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Does it help during bunny hops?
Or a tactic to make riders keep their distance?
that selle italia is almost fit for purpose as a commode saddle
It's a bit like KERS
Your rectum fills with gas whenever you apply the brakes? Dude, I'd get that seen.
[quote=Rusty Spanner opined]It's impossible to fart whilst pedalling.
Unless anyone can prove otherwise?
I read that on here and its complete bollocks i dont have to do anything to pedalling rate or stance just fart as i am riding without doing anything different
What is it with you people?
Hit a nerve there, Rusty.
What is it with you people?
I guess some of us are a little more taught in that area...
It's a bit like KERS, I deploy KERS when climbing.
i'd have thought it would be more like deploying nitrous oxide....fast and furious style!!
deploying nitrous oxide....fast and furious style!!
So long as it's not more like a frightened squid.
Gassed a friend once who was actually riding in front of me. Don't ask me how.
[quote=Rubber_Buccaneer opined]
I guess some of us are a little more taught in that area...
Very amusing 😆